An example of healthy boundaries
Posted 02 August 2010 - 06:28 PM
Without any hesitation, Reverend King replied, “Let me make it clear to you that you aren’t talking to a boy. If you persist in referring to me as a boy, I will be forced to act as if I don’t hear a word you are saying.” Setting boundaries often requires some bravery. Given the place and time, Reverend King ran the risk of a violent reaction. Brief moments in which we act with bravery and selfrespect can have surprising effects on our own character and on those around us. The officer was so surprised that he silently wrote a ticket and drove away as quickly as he could.
This is precisely the way to go about setting healthy boundaries. You begin by correcting the person, telling the other how you wish to be treated, or stating what you are or are not willing to do. It can be difficult in the short run to set a clear boundary with someone you care about, but not doing so often leads to many more difficulties over a much longer period of time."
This article made me think a lot so thought I would share. Perhaps this just relates to my personal situation but I am coming to the view that DP is a defence mechanism so if we could learn to assert our boundaries like this with confidence we would have no need to cut off life with DP any more
Posted 02 August 2010 - 06:49 PM
Posted 02 August 2010 - 07:37 PM
Can you explain more how you related boundaries to dp? Do you mean to set healthy boundaries with those around us in hopes of building self confidence and achieving recovery?
Yeah, I can only speak for myself but there have been times in the past especially when I was young when people haven't treated me with the respect that I deserved and I was made to feel powerless and I think my response was to try to control the situation by spacing out, dissociating and denying that things were happening, rather than asserting my boundaries properly by saying "no" to those people and feeling confident I could deal with people who affront me properly, especially if those people are your carers it becomes very complex. At the time I learned this it was the only option but as an adult it's not the only option as I have more power now to defend myself yet I still act in the same way I learned by dissociating, so one way of breaking free is to learn to be more assertive and how to set my boundaries down so people don't think they can walk all over me, then there will be no need for the unhealthy protection of DP as it will be replaced by a more healthy adult defence. But until the vulnerable part of me knows for sure that it will be defended against properly if attacked I will keep being dissociated as I don't know any other way to stay safe.
Posted 21 June 2012 - 01:35 AM
dissociation is what I used when my father would explode at me and of course I was "not allowed" to defend myself or have any boundaries with him if I did he would chase me and physically attack me...I too have learnt that dissociation is how I learnt to deal with ppl treating me with disrespect...hmm I can even think of another clear example when my dad would start his verbal abuse and yelling I dissociated to protect my being!!
Posted 30 September 2012 - 02:58 AM
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