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Jeff: Noticing Self OR External Reality, one but not both


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#1 Guest_Janinebaker_*

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Posted 23 August 2004 - 06:34 PM

Jeff, I wrote this in response to your comments below (I lifted them from another thread; didn't want you to think you're losing your mind, lol...so if you wonder how they got here, it was only me). I think it is a very good topic all by itself and wanted to start a new thread.
It also addresses how/why the harder we try to NOT be dp, the worse it gets.

(fromJeff)
Janine, Does this include looking around outside of yourself as much as possible? I tend to feel all inside of myself and even when I do look straight ahead I'm not really focusing on the physical objects outside of myself. When I focus more on objects and people and their movements, I'm less focused on MY OWN SELF. Does this make sense? - Jeff

Well, you're just a mess, arent' you? grin

And I was every bit as much of a mess as you seem to be.

Yes, what you said makes perfect sense. Do you know what a figure/ground drawing is? Or the Peter/Paul Goblet? It's a drawing of a vase, white vase, set against a black background and when you look at it closely, the edges of the sculpted vase appear to be two people staring at each other in profile. Then when you try to stay focused on their faces, the image of the vase suddenly "pops" back at you.

It works, as a visual anomaly, because the usual boundary shadings between the figure in the foreground and the background area are not "normal" i.e., not the way pictures usually are shaded or receded. The human eye, not knowing what is background or what is foreground cannot "decide" so it leaps from one to the other without the person feeling like they have any choice.

That's what you're doing to your poor brain. You versus Outer Reality. Figure/ground. The harder one tries to see only the faces, the faster the vase pops into consciousness. We can't NOT see something, and the harder we try, the more we confound the mind.

You have become so self-aware, and nurtured this hideous little parlor trick for most of your life probably, that your sense of self has imploded. The ONLY way out of this state is to try and force yourself with all your might to not focus on self at all. you will still exist, I promise, grin.

The over - exertion of self monitoring and self-control have extended a conscious awareness to include TOO much self. you might feel like you dont' exist, but you're too hyper-aware, not too little.

This can be totally solved, but one of the first steps is to make yourself not watch yourself all the time. It's veyr very hard. It's also the only game in town if you want to recover

Peace,
Janine

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Posted 23 August 2004 - 06:44 PM

As always, EXCELLENT thoughts/suggestions, Janine!!! Thanks a million for thinking of me.

You are so right on it's incredible. I will re-read your post here several times. I think it's starting to sink in a little already. Parlor tricks, yes.

I like how you said, on another thread, that the date I consumed the Vivarin, which seemingly started the DP/DR, was not MAGICAL. Magical was the key word there, I think.

You're right -- October 28 of that year was just like any other day. I guess I focus on it too much because I have not felt the same since. Not that focusing on it is going to make me any better -- I don't think it will, given that almost 10 years have passed and focusing on my DP/DR has not provided much relief.

On the other hand, NOT focusing on my DP/DR sounds like the path to recovery. You are right -- it will be hard, especially since I have such strong anxiety along with the DP/DR. I refuse to give up, though.

Thanks again for thinking of me. Means the world.

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Best,

Jeff




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