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I am Proof (must read)


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#25 BusyBee

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Posted 03 October 2010 - 10:01 AM

Thanks for this :)

#26 SupportYou

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Posted 03 November 2010 - 12:03 AM

It always amazed me at how there's no telltale criteria for getting DP/DR.... it seems to do with a high IQ, a tendency to obsess, and high anxiety. I hope you all hang on and remember, fake it 'til you make it.

I'm also surprised there aren't more doctors educated on this. I mean, it's in the DSM. :blink:

#27 BlackParasol

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Posted 25 November 2010 - 07:05 PM

The constant abstract questioning.... what are people, what is a chair, what is language, why do we look so "perfect" as beings and yet we are stuck on this rock in the middle of space/nothingness? These questions would torture me. They were no longer fun to ponder. EVERYTHING freaked me out.


The phrase "what is a chair" is the very phrase that made me join this site. When I was very young, I used to constantly freak out over my dresser because I felt like I didn't understand it. And until today, I thought I was the only person in the world who had ever done this.

Your post has given me a lot of hope and helped me to find a whole world of people who know what it means to panic over not understanding an object. It sounds a little silly, but it makes a world of difference to me to know that I'm not crazy or weird. Thank you very, very much.

#28 samiam

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Posted 01 February 2011 - 12:59 AM

Hi im new just read your story it gave me hope but discouraged me at the same time. You were able to come out of it but it took 7 years! Idk if i would even be able to handle that or some have it for many years reading that alone is so terrifying. I had DPD for over a year now I had to drop out of college and stop working because it got so chronic and severe. I was wondering how did you know you were back? is there certain stages where you could definately feel it? my fear is..if I ever do get out of this what if it comes back during stress or something, was wondering if it ever reoccurred? Thanks for sharing your story it gives me a bit of hope that some ppl are able to get out of this..

#29 gossipgal

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Posted 11 March 2011 - 11:34 AM

i read the first post and started crying..... i still cannot imagine having my life in my own hands.... not being controlled by the fear.

#30 hoping

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 08:33 PM

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I am 56 years old and have had this disorder since I was 15. I didn't know what it was until 2000. I tried anti-depressants, but stopped taking them when I realized they didn't relieve any symptoms and were not a cure. During the last year, I have had some very "hopeful" signs that recovery may be possible. I have had some "moments" of reality and of feeling like myself. These are only moments, not lasting more than a few minutes at best. I get excitied after having one of these moments, but they are few and far between. I am not able to sustain them--they go away and I am left with the blankness and emptiness. Today I had one of those moments and it seemed like the best moment so far--I actually was able to focus on some objects and they appeared "real" and also when interacting with some people I felt like myself--the real me. Only someone with dp would be able to understand what I am saying. My question is, did you experience "moments" as you were recovering? If it doesn't come all at once and remain, is there any hope of regaining the real self?

#31 Saint_Josh

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Posted 22 April 2011 - 11:24 AM

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I am 56 years old and have had this disorder since I was 15. I didn't know what it was until 2000. I tried anti-depressants, but stopped taking them when I realized they didn't relieve any symptoms and were not a cure. During the last year, I have had some very "hopeful" signs that recovery may be possible. I have had some "moments" of reality and of feeling like myself. These are only moments, not lasting more than a few minutes at best. I get excitied after having one of these moments, but they are few and far between. I am not able to sustain them--they go away and I am left with the blankness and emptiness. Today I had one of those moments and it seemed like the best moment so far--I actually was able to focus on some objects and they appeared "real" and also when interacting with some people I felt like myself--the real me. Only someone with dp would be able to understand what I am saying. My question is, did you experience "moments" as you were recovering? If it doesn't come all at once and remain, is there any hope of regaining the real self?


Even though I'm not the topic starter, I can answer some of your questions:

I have had these 'moments' as you call them. Sometimes when I was in the deep end of the DP/DR, I'd get glimpses and feelings of the 'illusionary veil' lifting off of me and being able to exist in a form of life that was not DP/DR. Imagine you're drunk, and you can feel the drunkenness in you and overtaking you (much the same as any hard drug, or even weed). Similar to how I feel when I am drunk: this presence of drunkenness exists with me, in me, and I can only act within the limitations and boundaries of this drunkenness barrier that I placed upon myself; so when I feel my strong waves of DP/DR, it feels as if there is this 'fake drunkenness' that exists in me, around my mind-- in my mind. But it doesn't feel as if I am drunk: in fact when I am drunk I lose my ability to care about the truly unimportant, which, while I am either high, or feeling DP/DR, I cannot stop caring and stressing about. But basically I am saying is that I understand what you mean when you say you feel these moments; and these feeling of moments is a sign that you are going to get better, and already are getting better. Yes, there is hope.

#32 Chris P Bacon

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Posted 16 June 2011 - 03:05 PM

Thankyou very much for this!

I too am struggling with strange existential thoughts, they didn't really bother me until the last couple of days when I've been having very scary ones. Things like, how did life begin? And why was I not born till 1992?

Its really scary! My DP/DR probably isn't as bad as alot on here but the thoughts are really scary! I can't get them out of my head.

#33 Steveo617

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Posted 19 June 2011 - 12:08 AM

Hello DP/DR community... I recently friended Jeff Abu on Facebook (co-author of Feeling Unreal)and explained to him on how I was planning to return to my old forums (they were many)to offer genuine words of hope and support to those still in the midst of this "abstract veil". In fact, there were many words I used to describe my severe DR... Sub-reality...I got so desperate for answers or an explanation that I once decided I was "chosen" to see the world in a different angle, to see stuff others around me could not. The constant abstract questioning.... what are people, what is a chair, what is language, why do we look so "perfect" as beings and yet we are stuck on this rock in the middle of space/nothingness? These questions would torture me. They were no longer fun to ponder. EVERYTHING freaked me out. I found solice in sleeping....and ?I slept pretty much my 7 years of DP/DR away.... I still managed to hold a part time job and finish college (looking back, I have no idea how I did it but my parents were in denial of my illness and wouldnt accept dropping out as an option). Speaking of parents, I grew up in a highly anxious, loud, and abusive environment. Dad had a short tempter/total narcissist and mom was an enabler and passive/aggressive. We didn't have much family time, unless we were bickering with each other. I think my DP/DR started from dropping Exctasy pills every day for a month...and maybe smoking pot that was laced....No one knows for sure. I was told it could of stemmed from my household and acted as a "defense mechanism", despite the suffering, it was to protect me from my anxious surroundings (hence the "living in a bubble feeling"). I read that people with this illness are usually VERY introspective, analytical, and have a high IQ. For me, I lived in total HELL for 7 years. As an anxious person, the DP/DR made my anxiety hit the roof. Walking outside scared me....I felt the earth was so round and that our atmosphere was a biodome. Everything felt altered.

But it began to decrease in its strength. The sheer fear of the illness itself began to fade as I researched more, took my SSRI, and avoided any illegal drugs of course. Time is what healed me. I always believed the SSRI helped to alleviate the anxiety, but time is what truly got me over this. It was an extremely slow process...as if someone took the recovery remote control and hit "Slow". And as I was shifting slowly back to myself, I was no longer the little teenager that it started with. I was a grown young lady now. Along with my slow ass recovery process, I learned the virtue of patience, the precious opportunity I am given to live my life, my talents, the goodness in people around me, being responsible for MY mental health, and some nifty research skills to boot. ;) I realized how relentless and resourceful I can be, and that I was brave. I also realized human beings are really amazingly resilient when faced with adversity. In a way, I'm thankful for the experience (when I'm not pissed at the amount of years I wasted). Well, not all was lost. I spent my entire 7 years researching my illness and also learned I had HPPD (Hallucinogenic Persisting Perception Disorder) from the E and weed, which caused the visual distortions (that too gets better only with time!)

The good news is, once you feel this veil lifting, you are so overjoyed that you forget how bad you felt. Life just falls back into place. You pick up the pieces are continue on.

I made it a PRIORITY to find the best therapies and meds for me. I would never sit back and deal with it. I was a fighter. You must be too. FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT! IT'S NOT FOREVER!

To feel like myself and even better than before, unfortuntately, takes some time. Some take months; others, years. Time is against everyone individually, but we all will experience our outcome one way or another. I made many friends on the forums and even was sent a gift from New Zealand from Mother Hen! You don't forget the journey, but when you do recover, you will find it extremely hard to recall this awful feeling of DP/DR. It's as if it truly was all but a dream. Feel free to drop me a line: [email protected]

YOU WILL ALL OVERCOME THIS. I AM PROOF.

-SupportYou

Do u drink now? Do you ever have thoughts or slight feelings it would come back?? I did cough medicin go like 4 years everyday and burned and drank and rolled. The I had a seizure then o quit it all, but I didn't get this till 2 or 3 years later. I can't drink now :( I want to go out n have fun

#34 SupportYou

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Posted 04 July 2011 - 09:56 PM

How is everyone handling their situation? Just checking in... Thanks for your kind emails....:) you are all strong, determined people.

#35 SupportYou

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Posted 04 July 2011 - 09:57 PM

Chris....also, it truly doesnt matter what the topic of your abstract thoughts are....they are all equally upsetting and tiresome. I hear you.

#36 SupportYou

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Posted 04 July 2011 - 10:01 PM

Steveo, of course I worry if it will come back. It took so much from me the first round. I dont want to endure it ever again....but thats why I stay away from hard drugs and even liquor. And stress! I get glimpses of it for less than a second but that's it. I think learning so much about it, will keep me grom relapsing since im so aware of how it works and the triggers. Then again, anything is possible. Who am I to know? I just know that if I am prone to it, im extra cautious. And who wouldnt be after such trauma right?




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