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I am Proof (must read)


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#1 SupportYou

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Posted 12 June 2010 - 08:04 AM

Hello DP/DR community... I recently friended Jeff Abu on Facebook (co-author of Feeling Unreal)and explained to him on how I was planning to return to my old forums (they were many)to offer genuine words of hope and support to those still in the midst of this "abstract veil". In fact, there were many words I used to describe my severe DR... Sub-reality...I got so desperate for answers or an explanation that I once decided I was "chosen" to see the world in a different angle, to see stuff others around me could not. The constant abstract questioning.... what are people, what is a chair, what is language, why do we look so "perfect" as beings and yet we are stuck on this rock in the middle of space/nothingness? These questions would torture me. They were no longer fun to ponder. EVERYTHING freaked me out. I found solice in sleeping....and ?I slept pretty much my 7 years of DP/DR away.... I still managed to hold a part time job and finish college (looking back, I have no idea how I did it but my parents were in denial of my illness and wouldnt accept dropping out as an option). Speaking of parents, I grew up in a highly anxious, loud, and abusive environment. Dad had a short tempter/total narcissist and mom was an enabler and passive/aggressive. We didn't have much family time, unless we were bickering with each other. I think my DP/DR started from dropping Exctasy pills every day for a month...and maybe smoking pot that was laced....No one knows for sure. I was told it could of stemmed from my household and acted as a "defense mechanism", despite the suffering, it was to protect me from my anxious surroundings (hence the "living in a bubble feeling"). I read that people with this illness are usually VERY introspective, analytical, and have a high IQ. For me, I lived in total HELL for 7 years. As an anxious person, the DP/DR made my anxiety hit the roof. Walking outside scared me....I felt the earth was so round and that our atmosphere was a biodome. Everything felt altered.

But it began to decrease in its strength. The sheer fear of the illness itself began to fade as I researched more, took my SSRI, and avoided any illegal drugs of course. Time is what healed me. I always believed the SSRI helped to alleviate the anxiety, but time is what truly got me over this. It was an extremely slow process...as if someone took the recovery remote control and hit "Slow". And as I was shifting slowly back to myself, I was no longer the little teenager that it started with. I was a grown young lady now. Along with my slow ass recovery process, I learned the virtue of patience, the precious opportunity I am given to live my life, my talents, the goodness in people around me, being responsible for MY mental health, and some nifty research skills to boot. ;) I realized how relentless and resourceful I can be, and that I was brave. I also realized human beings are really amazingly resilient when faced with adversity. In a way, I'm thankful for the experience (when I'm not pissed at the amount of years I wasted). Well, not all was lost. I spent my entire 7 years researching my illness and also learned I had HPPD (Hallucinogenic Persisting Perception Disorder) from the E and weed, which caused the visual distortions (that too gets better only with time!)

The good news is, once you feel this veil lifting, you are so overjoyed that you forget how bad you felt. Life just falls back into place. You pick up the pieces are continue on.

I made it a PRIORITY to find the best therapies and meds for me. I would never sit back and deal with it. I was a fighter. You must be too. FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT! IT'S NOT FOREVER!

To feel like myself and even better than before, unfortuntately, takes some time. Some take months; others, years. Time is against everyone individually, but we all will experience our outcome one way or another. I made many friends on the forums and even was sent a gift from New Zealand from Mother Hen! You don't forget the journey, but when you do recover, you will find it extremely hard to recall this awful feeling of DP/DR. It's as if it truly was all but a dream. Feel free to drop me a line: [email protected]

YOU WILL ALL OVERCOME THIS. I AM PROOF.

-SupportYou

#2 PositiveThinking!

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Posted 12 June 2010 - 08:13 AM

Hello DP/DR community... I recently friended Jeff Abu on Facebook (co-author of Feeling Unreal)and explained to him on how I was planning to return to my old forums (they were many)to offer genuine words of hope and support to those still in the midst of this "abstract veil". In fact, there were many words I used to describe my severe DR... Sub-reality...I got so desperate for answers or an explanation that I once decided I was "chosen" to see the world in a different angle, to see stuff others around me could not. The constant abstract questioning.... what are people, what is a chair, what is language, why do we look so "perfect" as beings and yet we are stuck on this rock in the middle of space/nothingness? These questions would torture me. They were no longer fun to ponder. EVERYTHING freaked me out. I found solice in sleeping....and ?I slept pretty much my 7 years of DP/DR away.... I still managed to hold a part time job and finish college (looking back, I have no idea how I did it but my parents were in denial of my illness and wouldnt accept dropping out as an option). Speaking of parents, I grew up in a highly anxious, loud, and abusive environment. Dad had a short tempter/total narcissist and mom was an enabler and passive/aggressive. We didn't have much family time, unless we were bickering with each other. I think my DP/DR started from dropping Exctasy pills every day for a month...and maybe smoking pot that was laced....No one knows for sure. I was told it could of stemmed from my household and acted as a "defense mechanism", despite the suffering, it was to protect me from my anxious surroundings (hence the "living in a bubble feeling"). I read that people with this illness are usually VERY introspective, analytical, and have a high IQ. For me, I lived in total HELL for 7 years. As an anxious person, the DP/DR made my anxiety hit the roof. Walking outside scared me....I felt the earth was so round and that our atmosphere was a biodome. Everything felt altered.

But it began to decrease in its strength. The sheer fear of the illness itself began to fade as I researched more, took my SSRI, and avoided any illegal drugs of course. Time is what healed me. I always believed the SSRI helped to alleviate the anxiety, but time is what truly got me over this. It was an extremely slow process...as if someone took the recovery remote control and hit "Slow". And as I was shifting slowly back to myself, I was no longer the little teenager that it started with. I was a grown young lady now. Along with my slow ass recovery process, I learned the virtue of patience, the precious opportunity I am given to live my life, my talents, the goodness in people around me, being responsible for MY mental health, and some nifty research skills to boot. ;) I realized how relentless and resourceful I can be, and that I was brave. I also realized human beings are really amazingly resilient when faced with adversity. In a way, I'm thankful for the experience (when I'm not pissed at the amount of years I wasted). Well, not all was lost. I spent my entire 7 years researching my illness and also learned I had HPPD (Hallucinogenic Persisting Perception Disorder) from the E and weed, which caused the visual distortions (that too gets better only with time!)

The good news is, once you feel this veil lifting, you are so overjoyed that you forget how bad you felt. Life just falls back into place. You pick up the pieces are continue on.

I made it a PRIORITY to find the best therapies and meds for me. I would never sit back and deal with it. I was a fighter. You must be too. FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT! IT'S NOT FOREVER!

To feel like myself and even better than before, unfortuntately, takes some time. Some take months; others, years. Time is against everyone individually, but we all will experience our outcome one way or another. I made many friends on the forums and even was sent a gift from New Zealand from Mother Hen! You don't forget the journey, but when you do recover, you will find it extremely hard to recall this awful feeling of DP/DR. It's as if it truly was all but a dream. Feel free to drop me a line: [email protected]

YOU WILL ALL OVERCOME THIS. I AM PROOF.

-SupportYou

What can I say.. woah that was just so inspiring really, thank you so much for writing this, I feel like you've given me enough strenght to go on trough the day without even caring about DP/DR at all

#3 SupportYou

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Posted 12 June 2010 - 08:21 AM

What can I say.. woah that was just so inspiring really, thank you so much for writing this, I feel like you've given me enough strenght to go on trough the day without even caring about DP/DR at all



That's why I kew I had to return to the forums to spread the good word. You will overcome this! Don't be afraid of it. Besides, there's more knowledge out there on this nowadays. When I had it, it was still very "rare" and there was hardly any studies on it. Now we know people get it at varying degrees throughout their life. We just happened to get it in its chronic form, where it becomes a lifestyle. The less you give it meaning, the quicker it will lift. By the way, meeting my boyfriend took a lot off my mind, and brought me back into reality. It forced me not to be so introspective and broken the tendency to "stay in my head". I always always social, but the illness forced me to become paralyzed and quiet.

FIGHT!!!!

#4 nix

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Posted 12 June 2010 - 09:41 AM

I'm sorry that you've had it for so long time, but I'm really glad you are cured now and "back to reality" ;)
I think that this forum almost completely lacks of positive stories. The most posts I simply don't even want to read, because I know it will only makes me feel worse.
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#5 PositiveThinking!

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Posted 12 June 2010 - 10:18 AM

I'm sorry that you've had it for so long time, but I'm really glad you are cured now and "back to reality" ;)
I think that this forum almost completely lacks of positive stories. The most posts I simply don't even want to read, because I know it will only makes me feel worse.

I don't really mind reading bad posts, it doesn't affect me but it makes me kinda sad sometimes to see people who were near recovery going back to feeling bad

#6 Variable Pitch

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Posted 12 June 2010 - 02:11 PM

Lol. You sound like me! Except you know.. more girly parts. Hey nice story. It is refreshing to see something positive here. And I agree with you one-hundred percent. Recently I've been feeling better too. Alot better. I took me almost a full decade to get out of it, but I feel like I'm a stronger person for going through this crap and not blowing my head off (came close a few times)and can now appreciate seeing life from a different angle. Your right, time is what it took, but before I could start to move forward with this whole living thing I had to change something else as well: I had no idea how much of an impact diet and excersize had on your state of mental health. I've knocked off the over-eating on greasy, empty food and have been hitting the gym on a regular basis. The difference when you get active and eat better is like night and day. I had no idea this is what its like. Also maybe getting out of your teenage years makes thing a bit more stable too. Take it easy.

#7 SupportYou

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Posted 12 June 2010 - 02:14 PM

guys, I'm sooo glad I can inspire you to keep moving forward. That's all it takes. Patience. You will feel like the sky is themit once you recover from it. As much as I vented during the course of 7 years, I feel like I must give back!

#8 surf

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Posted 12 June 2010 - 02:41 PM

That was such a beautiful read, I just got the goosebumps.

#9 voidvoid

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Posted 12 June 2010 - 03:35 PM

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#10 sciphi

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Posted 22 June 2010 - 11:10 AM

just out of curiosity, what SSRI was the most successful for you?

Very inspiring/encouraging story you have...I'm on year 14 (got it when I was 19 - pot), but still hold out hope.

#11 SupportYou

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Posted 22 June 2010 - 01:10 PM

just out of curiosity, what SSRI was the most successful for you?

Very inspiring/encouraging story you have...I'm on year 14 (got it when I was 19 - pot), but still hold out hope.


I honestly don't remember but I think it was Zoloft.

#12 Dyna

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Posted 22 June 2010 - 05:30 PM

Thank you support you. I am on year 17. You had it for 7 years, how long are you recovered? You took an SSRI for support but do you believe we Chronic DPers make the journey longer by obssesing over it. Why do you think you had it for years when others recover in a relatively short period of time. In essence what do you blieve is the best rute to recovery-meds, therapy. Many people say stop looking for a soluion and accpt it and it will fade once yo don't give it atention. Do you believe this? Your mail indicates that you continued to search/research for your solution throughout your 7 years. I have mainly accepted that this is with me for life and I have learn to function with it but feel my life is completely compromised. But I imagine if it ever did go that I would be so overjoyed and take life by storm.

Your home environment sounds alot like mine was when I was growing up. My mother however was my saviour! Very gentle peaceful woman, but never really understood what I was going through.

PS I got a flash back when you mentioned Mother Hen, I remember her from the orginal DP forum. I always use the handler Dyna. I remember her being very kind and generous with her support. She got DP after the birth of her baby if I remeber correctly, who is probably a teenager now!!

Thanks for the very inspiring post. Best wishes to you and yours. Dyna




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