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Fear of Multiple Personality Disorder


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#1 2deepathinker

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Posted 14 April 2010 - 05:08 PM

Does anyone have the fear of developing Multiple Personality Disorder, or what is now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder? Maybe someone here has it.

I am 34. I know depersonalization is one of the symptoms. I am in counseling now, and I am about to do some deep work, and the deep work has started. When I was in the office, I had a panic attack and felt like I totally wasn't there. I am really scared that some of the emotion I am feeling is too deep, and my psyche will protect itself and form another identity.

Sometimes with the DP, I feel like I don't recognize my voice, my home, and so forth. I recognize these things on an intellectual level, but the feeling of knowing them and owning them is gone. I have been told if I don't get help, the dissociation will get worse. That completely freaks me out. Can I develop that disorder, or is this something that develops earlier? Anyhow, anyone have any experience?

#2 isthisreallife

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Posted 14 April 2010 - 05:28 PM

I can relate to you in the opening up about some deep issues in therapy being a problem with DP/DR. I never am able to go very far into discussing my main issue before intense DP/DR sets in and I feel out of body. Ofcourse along with that I feel numb, and horrified, so it never helps because I can never tell the therapist how I feel about something when she asks me because I am so depersonalized.

I had a fear of "what if I have DID" but I also don't have any gaps in memory etc., I don't think you will develop it at this point, its usually something that starts in early childhood from what I know about the condition, but I could be wrong. Why don't you talk to your therapist about your concerns? I found that when I told the psychiatrist my label of how I felt (DP/DR) when I finally found out what it was, I was relieved because then she could understand why I wasn't able to talk about things or why I acted weird.

My psychiatrist said that its very normal in PTSD to have depersonalization, I don't know what it is you have, but I think that if you already have DP, and your opening up dark issues its also normal for the DP/DR to spike.

hope you get along ok

#3 pancake

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Posted 19 April 2010 - 07:58 AM

It has worried me on occasion in the past but not anymore. Memory loss is key: If you find things in your house that don't seem to belong to you (new cloths your size etc.), find yourself in strange places without any memory of how you got there or there are chunks of your life you don't recall, then you might wanna get the SCID-D (screening for dissociative disorders) done to be sure.

I don't experience any memory loss so I know I haven't got the disorder. I feel quite differently about the concept of normal multiplicity.

A lot of things about me start make sense in the context of the plural mind. Assuming I am a singlet there is no reason to always be so at odds with myself and ever fluctuating motifs, goals and beliefs. There is no explanation for those moments and hours I feel like I am being ripped apart, like two seperate parts of me (or more) are fighting for the driver's seat. Assuming my mind holds multiple personalities/ego-states/subselves/subpersonalities which form "me" together this is not so hard to understand. More reading required..

#4 Daphne

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Posted 26 April 2010 - 10:37 AM

Hello,
i also had this fear, beside the fear of getting schizophren or psychotic. I also had fears of getting a bipolar disorder (was getting a little nervous, I felt even some delight by hearing music - so I thought: What if I become manic?). When I had the DP very bad and didn't know who I was, I also thougt I might have DID.
I know the ICD-10 of pat, I think. But my main problem (as I feared before I got the DP all the time I could be HIV positive or I could habe an undetected Hepatitis C-infection or cancer) was just: I was hypochondric!
And at least this is a problem that can be treated.
As it was written: If you don't have memory loss (and I mean memory loss of several hours), you don't have DID!
Take care, Daphne

#5 Sooles

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Posted 28 April 2010 - 08:24 PM

it terrifies me actually.
i have had blank spots all my life and only recently have been diagnosed with dissociative amnesia. which means basically another 'personality' is taking over for small bits of time (a few hours usually) leaving blank spots in my memory where i have no idea of what i did, who i saw/talked to, where i was in that time. basically i am dissociating but not to the extreme point (often enough i guess?) to be diagnosed with MPD/DID.

it scares the crap out of me because i dont want to be diagnosed with DID/MPD - i am afraid if my therapists dig deeper they will diagnose me with this and push me more to uncover the reasons why i am dissociating. i dont want to know because this normally stems from trauma or abuse and i love my family and dont want to discover anything horrible that might have happened with them.

so..... because im sort of 'part way there'... i dont know if it was helpful at all for me to answer your question...

#6 2deepathinker

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Posted 28 April 2010 - 11:26 PM

it terrifies me actually.
i have had blank spots all my life and only recently have been diagnosed with dissociative amnesia. which means basically another 'personality' is taking over for small bits of time (a few hours usually) leaving blank spots in my memory where i have no idea of what i did, who i saw/talked to, where i was in that time. basically i am dissociating but not to the extreme point (often enough i guess?) to be diagnosed with MPD/DID.

it scares the crap out of me because i dont want to be diagnosed with DID/MPD - i am afraid if my therapists dig deeper they will diagnose me with this and push me more to uncover the reasons why i am dissociating. i dont want to know because this normally stems from trauma or abuse and i love my family and dont want to discover anything horrible that might have happened with them.

so..... because im sort of 'part way there'... i dont know if it was helpful at all for me to answer your question...


I totally can relate in many ways. I haven't been diagnosed with amnesia, but I had an emotionally abusive childhood with complete emotional abandonment. I love my family, but am slowly learning through therapy that I can have that love, but still allow myself to feel the pain. I am not anywhere near where I want to be, I have a lot of work to do...but I bet when I do...my tendency to dissociate will get better.
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#7 Daphne

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 11:06 AM

I totally can relate in many ways. I haven't been diagnosed with amnesia, but I had an emotionally abusive childhood with complete emotional abandonment. I love my family, but am slowly learning through therapy that I can have that love, but still allow myself to feel the pain. I am not anywhere near where I want to be, I have a lot of work to do...but I bet when I do...my tendency to dissociate will get better.

I don't know if I understood this correctly. After reading Alice Miller, I'm convinced I can never heal completely if I say "I love my parents", who treated me in a terrible way. There is this stupid moral, saying "You got to love your parents". but if I lie to myself and say, I love these horrible people, who treated me like waste, I'll make myself ill! But also I'm convinced I can loose my DP by overcoming my Traumas.

#8 Dovefield

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Posted 11 May 2010 - 08:39 PM

please, if you can give me email of that woman that you mentioned, with the gaps between life. if would really help, she has same thing as a special friend of mine, and i would really like to talk.. please, i've been trying to find help for a long time

#9 hidingme

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Posted 20 June 2010 - 09:43 PM

i dont think i have DID but i do think i have sort of dissoative something..just no idea what.

i sorta wonder if my regression to being Sarah- my little 6 yr old self- is due to DP. my dr know i have Generalized anxiety disorder, but havent had the tie to go intotellin g her about feeling little and the strong gut feelings i have of having ptsd.

reg drs never give enough time for that it seems.

ie never heard of anyone dissociating into others or other ages from emotional buse from young adulthood but that is the only reason i can think is that cuase.
im so confused and scared. i know we really need to see a psych dr..at least for appropriate dx;s if nothing else. at least diagnosis would help me/us understand and have more a peice of mind to feel less crazy. and also allow us to find appropriate support aonline,

sorry if im not making sese..its been a very very hard day today for us and we are almost falling alseep fro out xanax.

#10 2deepathinker

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Posted 22 June 2010 - 12:23 AM

i dont think i have DID but i do think i have sort of dissoative something..just no idea what.

i sorta wonder if my regression to being Sarah- my little 6 yr old self- is due to DP. my dr know i have Generalized anxiety disorder, but havent had the tie to go intotellin g her about feeling little and the strong gut feelings i have of having ptsd.

reg drs never give enough time for that it seems.

ie never heard of anyone dissociating into others or other ages from emotional buse from young adulthood but that is the only reason i can think is that cuase.
im so confused and scared. i know we really need to see a psych dr..at least for appropriate dx;s if nothing else. at least diagnosis would help me/us understand and have more a peice of mind to feel less crazy. and also allow us to find appropriate support aonline,

sorry if im not making sese..its been a very very hard day today for us and we are almost falling alseep fro out xanax.


Hello! You are making sense to me. I can imagine how frightened you must be. I think it is important (but maybe cheesy) that we give ourselves a lot of love particularly when we dissociate. When my depersonalization, gets really bad, I feel like I could develop DID. I look at myself and really wonder who I am, and who the people are in my life. I know them, but I am like who are they, and I feel a lot of anxiety. It is hard to explain.

I am seeing an MFT, but wonder if I should actually see someone with even more training. I understand how you feel, I think, because I have similar feelings sometimes. All the best to you!

#11 hidingme

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Posted 22 June 2010 - 08:16 AM

Hello! You are making sense to me. I can imagine how frightened you must be. I think it is important (but maybe cheesy) that we give ourselves a lot of love particularly when we dissociate. When my depersonalization, gets really bad, I feel like I could develop DID. I look at myself and really wonder who I am, and who the people are in my life. I know them, but I am like who are they, and I feel a lot of anxiety. It is hard to explain.

I am seeing an MFT, but wonder if I should actually see someone with even more training. I understand how you feel, I think, because I have similar feelings sometimes. All the best to you!


tank you for repli to us.. it's littl me. my name bes sarah. i usd onli com wen Hiding (the big me) was real strssd or anxity bad but now i come alot wnevr i wan to somtims.. we tri to lern how werk togethr tho.

i not kno. i had hedake alot toda and i stil seepy. but big me has go werk soon so no can sleep. =(

hiding been serchin all ovr putr and asking her frends (who hav DID) and even cal crisis fone # and otrs #s an she getted no reel ansers yet.
we hop get answrs soon we need kno and we need undrstand we scard and everibodi it seems (cept for few) tinks we makin me up and we bes lyin. but Hiding wuld nevr do tat cuz tat meen.an i been wif hiding sinc febari at leest- and tat bes long tim if we waz fakin rite? but we not sur wat to beleeve rite now. we jus need help an need som answrs so we not so confusd no mor.

tank you for repli gain.
Sarah

#12 hidingme

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Posted 24 June 2010 - 03:36 PM

think I/we figured out a possible answer for what is wrong with us.. so far it makes the most sense.. its called complex ptsd




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