20 replies to this topic

[RenZimE]

Just a quick warning to anyone reading this: Reading the following could be particularly detrimental to those who are feeling vulnerable mentally due to the nature of what is being said.. I take no responsibility for anyone who does end up in the same boat I'm in from reading what has been written. For those who are feeling strong enough to contribute, please do read on :]




So, with that out of the way..

As I'm sure we all know, Depersonalization and Derealization rob us of the ability to comprehend life and what it is that makes us tick. This is frequently spoken about in many a thread, and clearly causes a great concern among the DP population. Infact I would almost go far enough to state that this "symptom" alone is one of the sole contributors to our mental state.

This is where the idea arose to create this thread; I spent the best part of the entire morning obsessing over what it actually is to be human and why it is I long for it so badly, and all I could do was scare myself with what I came up with. I'm sure I'm not alone with this situation, and so I figured if we could post our fears, our concerns and our seemingly incomprehensable ideaologies in one place, we could conquer these problems together! Afterall, we all want to feel a bit more human, right? Reading and adding to this thread will do that for everyone garunteed :]

So I'll give a brief list of the thoughts that populate my DP'd mind and hopefully some of them will relate with others, or maybe(hopefully) some of you guys will be able to show me just how rediculous the thoughts truly are. Either way, if you would like me to elaborate on any of them, feel free to ask.

Overall I want to compare what it is to be human against what the DP mind percieves as "human". I really do hope this will help and reassure many people in our community :]

[RenZimE]

Now I just want to itterate the fact that these things NEVER entered my mind prior to DP, and I would suggest that any "warped" or "incomprehensible" thoughts you post should be from during your DP period as I really want to do a fair comparison. Existentialists, think hard

My list of fears:

- As humans, we live in a world that consists of nothing but atoms. Everything in its basic form is nothing but atoms, and therefore has no meaning.

- Humans are nothing but chemicals and hormones.

- Nothing has "meaning" as we are merely organic robots with no true "personality" or "soul".

- Language, Senses, Comprehension are all completely not understandable by the human mind and could disappear with no prior warning.

- "life" is a manufactured "dream".


I'm sure there were more than that when I first started this thread, but my Risperidone is making me epicly sleepy... Gonna go nap while you guys contribute :]

[FoXS]

pff! does not scare me at all. doesn't strike me at all.
what have those thoughts got do with the feeling of DP? sounds more like a depression, doesn't it?
i mean, being human is very cool ! it's interesting, and although we are "only" biological "robots", this makes it all so fascinating, doesn't it? i mean, there is always something new to experience. even illnesses are so complicated procedures ! life is too exciting to think that it has no meaning.

[RenZimE]

pff! does not scare me at all. doesn't strike me at all.
what have those thoughts got do with the feeling of DP? sounds more like a depression, doesn't it?
i mean, being human is very cool ! it's interesting, and although we are "only" biological "robots", this makes it all so fascinating, doesn't it? i mean, there is always something new to experience. even illnesses are so complicated procedures ! life is too exciting to think that it has no meaning.

I appreciate what you're saying FoXS, but this has all developed as my DP and DR have progressively worsened. I mean, as my perception of real has altered, as has my perception of how real "real" is if you get what I mean. Everything I once was so ignorant towards is now in question at every given moment. I'll give an example;

My surroundings are especially flat and "cartoonish" and so I begin to question reality. From this reality questioning, I find no answers and in an anxious state of mind I begin to question what made the surrounding real to begin with. This takes things to their absolute smallest state which becomes almost incomprehensible to the human brain and therefore freaks me out all the more.

As much as I feel I could've explained myself better, I do appreciate your reply as it gives me an alternative perspective to what I was expecting. Every little bit of insight into the human condition is beneficial to my recovery, even if it is "Seriously, just stop questioning and start enjoying!"

ToF, Your list is quite thought provoking! Do these sensations and questions scare you? Or is it more of a philosophical interest than a fear?

[FoXS]

hey mister Renzime,
you must see it like thiz:

even if we are only "nothing but atoms" , "nothing but chemicals and hormones",

we can still FEEL, THINK, IMAGINE, we have the power to BELIEVE, to CREATE, to LOVE...

---> and this does not imply that there is no "meaning" in life! but the opposite !

we are only nature, but ALTHOUGH we have a SPIRIT ! this is the reason to be PROUD to be human. some people even call it a MIRACLE! for some people this being of human is GOD-GIVEN. may you believe in god or not - people can be hateful, they can be mean and dirty, cruel or violent - but yet, this MARVEL must not be called MEANINGLESS.

[2deepathinker]

Now I just want to itterate the fact that these things NEVER entered my mind prior to DP, and I would suggest that any "warped" or "incomprehensible" thoughts you post should be from during your DP period as I really want to do a fair comparison. Existentialists, think hard

My list of fears:

- As humans, we live in a world that consists of nothing but atoms. Everything in its basic form is nothing but atoms, and therefore has no meaning.

- Humans are nothing but chemicals and hormones.

- Nothing has "meaning" as we are merely organic robots with no true "personality" or "soul".

- Language, Senses, Comprehension are all completely not understandable by the human mind and could disappear with no prior warning.

- "life" is a manufactured "dream".


I'm sure there were more than that when I first started this thread, but my Risperidone is making me epicly sleepy... Gonna go nap while you guys contribute :]

I obsess about all of these choices. Does anyone get paranoid about this? Then it bothers me I am paranoid because I fear losing it! Anyone else?

[Whydontiexist]

hey mister Renzime,
you must see it like thiz:

even if we are only "nothing but atoms" , "nothing but chemicals and hormones",

we can still FEEL, THINK, IMAGINE, we have the power to BELIEVE, to CREATE, to LOVE...

---> and this does not imply that there is no "meaning" in life! but the opposite !

we are only nature, but ALTHOUGH we have a SPIRIT ! this is the reason to be PROUD to be human. some people even call it a MIRACLE! for some people this being of human is GOD-GIVEN. may you believe in god or not - people can be hateful, they can be mean and dirty, cruel or violent - but yet, this MARVEL must not be called MEANINGLESS.

Do you even have dp? or dr?

[peachy]

nice post renzime. i've often thought similar things about what is hardest to cope with while having depersonalization disorder. i call it running out of "human juice". the things that make you tick, make you love, laugh, inspire, cry, jump for joy. but, i do think we are lucky in a way because in our quest to find these things we end up happier than many people out there. in the quest to understand what it means to be human, we have found a range of interesting sensations and states of being. as long as we don't ever fully give up that fight to feel human, we are just as human as ever.

[FoXS]

Do you even have dp? or dr?

i experience DR, but even if i doubt reality, i can truly say that life is a wonder.
and i know that our fear, that this wonder can perhaps not be real, is blasphemic.

[Tommygunz]

i think the thing that scares me more than anything is the idea of no God. just nothing, just absolute natural chaos that brought us into existence. no purpose, no meaning, nothing before or after this. an existence completely in vein. just that thought alone can make me smack my head against the wall to stop thinking about it. it takes away everything that we hold dear, hope and purpose.

[Planetary]

I don't think this is connected with depersonalization itself.
[but your lists are interesting ]

Mine:
- Thinking about existence is perfectly pointless because you'll never have an answer, and thus, you'll be frustrated with any of the conclusions you may draw, and thus again, existence is pointless and unjustifiable.

That's it.