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#1 bigpmcd

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Posted 18 January 2010 - 06:52 PM

My dp has been 5 months now, maybe more i don't know, maybe I feel a little better but hardly, I still don't know where I am half the time. I'm suppose to be going to see a psychiatrist soon but they have never contacted me, no one gives two shits about it! My girlfriend of 3 years left me today, i'm so low and it is going to make dr/dp so much worse, i feel like this world isn't for me anymore. I am just living on complete autopliot life is passing me by, I read these posts of people suffering for years and I can't hack that. Is this life really for me, I don't know....I have never felt so bad, with anxiety/depression/dp/dr and a relationship break up, it's damn hard, i'm only 21,where do I turn now. :(

Paul

#2 bigpmcd

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Posted 18 January 2010 - 06:53 PM

I know people tell me I will get better, I just need someone to truely tell me from the bottom of their heart that they think I will, and I can live life again...I feel like it is just a clichy when people say it. Thanks

#3 Mario

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Posted 18 January 2010 - 07:18 PM

Today i'm not going to say that you are going to get better.Maybe you will hear me saying that in a few days or so,but not today.
Today is a day of sorrow to you.I'm truely sorry that your girlfriend has left you.That reminds me when my wife left home,you know why?because she just couldn't stand living with a DP/DR'd Mario.At least,that's what she said.And then with time,i learned to live without her.And you know what?now i don't feel alone.i've my own companionship.I Think it will have to be enough for now.
Anyway,don't lose faith,you are younger than me and therefore with much more chances to find still the right woman for you or maybe this one will come back to you,we never know.

All the best and peace is what you need

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Posted 18 January 2010 - 08:16 PM

My ex and Baby's Momma actually would get second hand depersonalization from being around me. She's now much happier without me in her life. And I think that is a positive, at least somebody is happy. Peace.

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Posted 18 January 2010 - 10:44 PM

I have never felt so bad, with anxiety/depression/dp/dr and a relationship break up, it's damn hard, i'm only 21,where do I turn now. :(

Paul


Take a look at all the negatives you just pointed out. I have had DP for over 12 years so I have learned a thing or two of how to live with it. I know how hard a break up can be. I have been there a few times it always tends to make the dissociation much worse for a while. You really need to wake up each morning and think of as many positives as you can as hard as that may be. Write them down that helps me. I have a whole list I look at in the morning.

#1 You have food in your stomach
#2 You have clothes on your back and shelter
#3 I'm sure you do not have too many health problems except of course this damn DP like the rest of us
#4 You are not living a 3rd world country
#5 You are intelligent, most of us with DP are very wise
#6 I bet you have a good sense of humor

Hang in their champ, it will work itself out.

#6 bigpmcd

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Posted 19 January 2010 - 04:46 AM

thanks for all the love and support guys, there are some great people here who are always willing to help and you always do that. I'm trying to keep my head high and stay positive like you have all said. Hard but time should ease everything I hope. Thanks again hope you are all okay

#7 egodeath

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Posted 19 January 2010 - 12:35 PM

Take a look at all the negatives you just pointed out. I have had DP for over 12 years so I have learned a thing or two of how to live with it. I know how hard a break up can be. I have been there a few times it always tends to make the dissociation much worse for a while. You really need to wake up each morning and think of as many positives as you can as hard as that may be. Write them down that helps me. I have a whole list I look at in the morning.

#1 You have food in your stomach
#2 You have clothes on your back and shelter
#3 I'm sure you do not have too many health problems except of course this damn DP like the rest of us
#4 You are not living a 3rd world country
#5 You are intelligent, most of us with DP are very wise
#6 I bet you have a good sense of humor

Hang in their champ, it will work itself out.


Pointing out the things one should be grateful for or that make one lucky to someone suffering even mild depression usually has the opposite of the intended effect. While you're trying to break the negative thought-cycle by pointing out the positive, what often ends up happening is that the depressed person feels guilty or undeserving.

Example:
A: You shouldn't be depressed--there are children starving in Darfur.
B: Goddamnit, what is wrong with me? I should be happy. And people are starving in Darfur. Screw this world.

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Posted 19 January 2010 - 12:36 PM

thanks for all the love and support guys, there are some great people here who are always willing to help and you always do that. I'm trying to keep my head high and stay positive like you have all said. Hard but time should ease everything I hope. Thanks again hope you are all okay


I got to a point where I was like you were in the original post, dealing in absolutes. I had already decided to kill myself. Decided that I COULDN'T live a year with dp. Maybe 6 months but no way would I be able to handle a year. I ended up in the hospital and there they gave me a book on coping skills. In there one of the ones was, DON'T DEAL IN ABSOLUTES. That every fact has a thought and an emotion that goes along with it. In origin of this post, you were dealing in absolutes. "No one cares about me, I can't live with dp". The sequence there was fact:You have dp and you haven't heard back from your psych and your girlfriend left you, thought: No one cares about me and I can't live with dp, emotion: hopelessness, panic, etc. What I learned is that first, dealing in absolutes will only cause you to go down a negative path mentally. Second, that while we cannot change most facts in our lives, we can control the thought and emotional reactions. Instead of thinking, no one cares about me and I can't live with dp, maybe try changing your thought to something positive like "The recovery prognosis for dp is good. I can and will get better" or "Maybe the psych office people have lost my information, maybe I should give them a call again". What emotions do those statements evoke in you?

To get through this and not end up curled up in a corner ready to kill ourselves, we HAVE to take control of our thought processes. It isn't going to be easy at first. In my book it says that it takes like 30 to 60 times doing something before you form a new habit. So forcibly changing your thought process once a day for 1 to 2 months. It takes time and work but eventually, you can turn around how you see and react to situations, even dp.

I hope this helps. I wasn't trying to chew you out, just share something with you that has helped me a lot.

#9 egodeath

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Posted 19 January 2010 - 12:36 PM

My dp has been 5 months now, maybe more i don't know, maybe I feel a little better but hardly, I still don't know where I am half the time. I'm suppose to be going to see a psychiatrist soon but they have never contacted me, no one gives two shits about it! My girlfriend of 3 years left me today, i'm so low and it is going to make dr/dp so much worse, i feel like this world isn't for me anymore. I am just living on complete autopliot life is passing me by, I read these posts of people suffering for years and I can't hack that. Is this life really for me, I don't know....I have never felt so bad, with anxiety/depression/dp/dr and a relationship break up, it's damn hard, i'm only 21,where do I turn now. :(

Paul


Make sure that feeling down doesn't prevent you from getting in touch with a therapist. Assuming that because they haven't called you back doesn't mean they don't care about you. They may have lost your contact info, not realize the seriousness of your situation, etc.

#10 bigpmcd

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Posted 20 January 2010 - 06:42 AM

thanks for the replies, I am trying my hardest to form new habits and think positive. Thanks Tiny to for the tips, I couldn't agree more, what you are describing is the like the work of Albert Ellis, REBT which is like CBT but more philisophical. I just feel so damn wierd, like I have just sat in front of a television for a day really close, then smoked too much weed and just came out of a panic attack. I will contact the psychiatrist today or tomorrow to see where my appointment is going, I can't even imaging what it si like to live without dp now, it's strange. Hope you are all okay.

#11 bigpmcd

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Posted 20 January 2010 - 07:25 AM

I just have a question to ask the long sufferers if you don't mind? Where things a lot worse for you at the start of all this, say the first 6 months or year, then you are able to cope now but still find dp/dr a nuisance. As I have just been living in a complete hell for 6 months, and if I was to live like this for years on end I wouldn't really see the point in me living anymore. I know that is so negative. I just really need to know deep down that things will perk up, as when it goes on and on for months upon months with no signs of improvement it is horrendous.

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Posted 20 January 2010 - 08:58 AM

I've had shit shit for 12 years, (Derealization atleast).. the feeling of not connecting in conversations, when people talk to me it doesn't "sink in" etc.
You get used to it. I finally got tired of it and stop worrying about it, and I felt better.
However I have forgotten how it reaily "should feel"... it's subjective ofcourse.
But I feel a strong desire to "be a part of the world and feel things" very often, I daydream about this.

I just have a question to ask the long sufferers if you don't mind? Where things a lot worse for you at the start of all this, say the first 6 months or year, then you are able to cope now but still find dp/dr a nuisance. As I have just been living in a complete hell for 6 months, and if I was to live like this for years on end I wouldn't really see the point in me living anymore. I know that is so negative. I just really need to know deep down that things will perk up, as when it goes on and on for months upon months with no signs of improvement it is horrendous.






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