Does DP fragment your sense of personal history?
Posted 02 April 2009 - 10:51 PM
Posted 02 April 2009 - 11:05 PM
Posted 03 April 2009 - 07:44 AM
i haven't felt like myself for several years.
the good thing about identity fragmentation is that it breaks through the illusion of control.
the bad thing is i get depressed when i can't remember things and feel i can't fit into the pace of society anymore.
my mind processes require effort. nevertheless other parts of my mind have developed greatly, like the ability to debate and think things through logically.
Posted 03 April 2009 - 02:14 PM
Hello Rozanne, you say that the good thing about identity fragmentation is that it breaks through the illusion of control. Do you mean that it gives or forces insight into a true state which is more valuable in the long run? I.e illusion of control is false reassurance. Some of my disintegrating experience can be tough (though I know what it is about so wait it out) and I notice rare better times can be an appearance of control rather than security. Useful survival means I suppose. But I do find it alienating not to be in some shared continuum of years and outside world events. The fragmented history doesn't support me taking a place in the world. I recognise what you say about developed logic. I relentlessly have to analyse my environment to make choices and speak, it is like a logic algorithm. It's fairly effective in practically dealing with DP/DR world but so dead of course. Not a substitute for innate familiarity with world but it helps with coping and as you say, logical discussion.
As for the memories of the past... they appeared inherited somehow, not part of my history but a set of events I feel dishonest to own. I assert they are mine, as I should and deserve to.
0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users