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Does DP fragment your sense of personal history?


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#13 Mcren

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Posted 02 April 2009 - 10:51 PM

Very weird feeling, knowing you have a past and I never thought of it like it seeming like a lie, but that is one good way to describe it. I think this might get worse once you forget more and more who you were before tour dp onset kicked in...no clue on that one

#14 Conjurus

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Posted 02 April 2009 - 11:05 PM

I have no past, only dreams of another life that I see sometimes while awake.

#15 Rozanne

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Posted 03 April 2009 - 07:44 AM

yes

i haven't felt like myself for several years.

the good thing about identity fragmentation is that it breaks through the illusion of control.
the bad thing is i get depressed when i can't remember things and feel i can't fit into the pace of society anymore.

my mind processes require effort. nevertheless other parts of my mind have developed greatly, like the ability to debate and think things through logically.

#16 Absent

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Posted 03 April 2009 - 02:14 PM

In a way I don't like acknowledging the past as to do with me as it is not experienced so is dishonest emotionally, but I like to state things from the unreal distant years because they prove I was here and am a person even if I am not aware of that at the moment. It fascinates that I have ever traveled anywhere for example. Music could bring out a feeling from the past but I only get one go at that per song as the next time I listened it would not be evocative and the retrieval of experience is gone. DP is only 'surpised' by it once, then makes it nothing without fixing the emotional memory. So I tend to leave the old tapes unheard as they will help me in the future, the clues to past presence.

Hello Rozanne, you say that the good thing about identity fragmentation is that it breaks through the illusion of control. Do you mean that it gives or forces insight into a true state which is more valuable in the long run? I.e illusion of control is false reassurance. Some of my disintegrating experience can be tough (though I know what it is about so wait it out) and I notice rare better times can be an appearance of control rather than security. Useful survival means I suppose. But I do find it alienating not to be in some shared continuum of years and outside world events. The fragmented history doesn't support me taking a place in the world. I recognise what you say about developed logic. I relentlessly have to analyse my environment to make choices and speak, it is like a logic algorithm. It's fairly effective in practically dealing with DP/DR world but so dead of course. Not a substitute for innate familiarity with world but it helps with coping and as you say, logical discussion.

As for the memories of the past... they appeared inherited somehow, not part of my history but a set of events I feel dishonest to own. I assert they are mine, as I should and deserve to.




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