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Does DP fragment your sense of personal history?


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#1 Absent

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Posted 14 February 2009 - 08:47 AM

I am not surprised that DPD for me makes the past so unfamiliar but I don't hear about others with such disconnection from the past. Everything is given a sense of unfamiliarity but also near irrelevance. Of course I function (with difficulty) - a small set of recognitions get me through. But emotionally it is as though each day is my first day in the world with little sense of having been here before. These effects are probably familiar to you but this severity of reduced apparent experience is very limiting in my abilities socially, practically and career-wise. So is anyone else this restricted by the lack of personal emotional experience and history getting fixed/incorporated? I am not any age, it is not any year to me. In fact I am amazed what the year is. Also it seems dishonest if I meet someone I 'supposedly' have met before (I'm used to that). Anyway, I am not alarmed, just wearily used to fragmented experience but it does steal life - a sense of being here and across time. I envy the non-DP people with their awareness - of good and bad. Any comparisons out there? Bye.....

#2 Matt210

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Posted 14 February 2009 - 09:41 AM

Yes, absolutely. I hardly have DP/DR in the present anymore, but my past often feels like it does not belong to me. Its quite the horrible experience. Sometimes i'll be reciting a memory and I feel no more connection (or maybe less connection) to it than if I was describing the plot of a movie.

It is a horrible part of this, but I have heard it reported as a symptom before. I hate it - I have lived a great life during the time when I have not been ill, it was bad enough it made me suffer in the present but for it to feel like it was taking away what I had in the past is just too much.

You'll feel connected to your past again, don't worry.

#3 Anla

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Posted 14 February 2009 - 12:14 PM

Yes. I can almost remember the time before the trauma and DR when I really felt life. Now I live life as habit. I can't even really cry anymore. Much less really feel happiness.

#4 Absent

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Posted 21 February 2009 - 08:31 AM

Thanks for replies. I haven't heard much about this particular effect of DPD. I find this increasingly severe. It is life to have a continuum of experience within, so it is a challenge to have that missing. The laying down of existence across time is apparently not there. I can tell that if I recovered then memories that aren't now there would be and I could piece together retrospectively but of course it's the emotion and relevance to self that is missing. Yes, life can become habit and going through the motions and I also see the effect of it being like a movie plot. I can speak of memories and then feel like such a liar because I don't own the relevance to myself. I'm coping with it but it is a mean consequence of DPD.

#5 Matt210

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Posted 21 February 2009 - 10:08 AM

Thanks for replies. I haven't heard much about this particular effect of DPD. I find this increasingly severe. It is life to have a continuum of experience within, so it is a challenge to have that missing. The laying down of existence across time is apparently not there. I can tell that if I recovered then memories that aren't now there would be and I could piece together retrospectively but of course it's the emotion and relevance to self that is missing. Yes, life can become habit and going through the motions and I also see the effect of it being like a movie plot. I can speak of memories and then feel like such a liar because I don't own the relevance to myself. I'm coping with it but it is a mean consequence of DPD.


I get the feeling like a liar part so much. I'll be telling things that are entirely truthful and get this overwhelming feeling that I am a liar or a fake. Its horrible.

#6 Absent

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Posted 21 February 2009 - 11:09 AM

Yes it feels bad but I know the memories are mine so I deliberately allow anyway... got to have something. But I can't help explaining to people that though these things are true, they are unreal to me. They won't get that but I still have to say it to be honest to myself.

#7 Dreamland

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Posted 21 February 2009 - 01:03 PM

That's very interesting what I'm reading here because for me it's quite the opposite, since I tend to gravitate towards the past in order to feel grounded and connected. For example, I find myself listening to songs on youtube over and over again, and it evokes a sense of reality, or purpose, in the disconnected dreamlike world that I often live in. It's the same with Facebook; when I connect with old friends an classmates I can almost feel the experience from days gone by as if they're part of the present, and it feels really good.

It's that experience of "being in the now" that I sometimes can't relate to, and it kind of feels like there is a latent effect in place that only allows me to feel an experience when I replay it in my head, and it's very vivid and lucid. My memory is crystal clear and almost photographic at times, regardless of whether or not I felt completely DP'd when it actually took place. Does this make sense?

#8 Matt210

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Posted 21 February 2009 - 01:49 PM

It makes perfect sense, and i've experienced both sides of the coin.

There are times when I am overpowered by a sense of nostalgia that my past feels more real than the present. I can actually remember distinct feelings as if the past had a totally different feel than the present. Almost feels like I could disappear entirely from the present.

But lately i've had a much more fragmented feeling of the past like discussed in this topic.

#9

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Posted 04 March 2009 - 10:12 AM

Yes, very much so. I 'know' certain things & 'remember' certain events from my past yet I cannnot seem to attach emotion to them.
Events or relationships which have always been important in my life, now seem very insignificant..
I can never seem to take myself back to the times when I know I was full of emotion & feeling.

#10 elcapitan

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 10:47 PM

since this DP period started (2 months), things like memory and time havent gotten weird.
on another forum i was trying to describe when this started and i felt like i had no idea, looked it up, but not properly and i guessed a month back... ther wasnt much questioning about it as i geniunely "feel" i dont know.
then looked again by accident and it was at last one month more than thought.
it sort of feels like 2 months, doesnt feel like how two months should feel. doesnt feel like any sense of time at all... makes sense?

anyway being a bit gross here, but my period started a few days ago, but it didnt "feel" like a month had passed, i genuinely thought i was ill.

its like i have redevelop what time means and feels like to me.
redefine it... i dunno.

#11 Guest_Sirus_*

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Posted 08 March 2009 - 05:48 PM

I am not any age, it is not any year to me. In fact I am amazed what the year is. Also it seems dishonest if I meet someone I 'supposedly' have met before (I'm used to that). Anyway, I am not alarmed, just wearily used to fragmented experience but it does steal life - a sense of being here and across time.


Hey, even some people who don't have DP also experience reality like this.

My past is very shattered and broken up and that's the only way I can describe it. I have different pasts, different realities, not just one past or reality.

#12 boohootoo

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Posted 10 March 2009 - 11:28 PM

Wow! Dreamland I am in your boat. I never feel the here and now, but when I hear old songs or connect with old friends I can feel the emotions from times past. I do not have a lot of memories of my childhood though. A lot of it is blank.




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