"When I was a teenager I began to realize that a part of my life's experience was that unpredictable things (the unknown and dangerous) inevitably happen. If something was certain, it was that. And that made me feel there was nothing I could do about it. Except, perhaps, think about those unpredictable things (the future) to anticipate them so in that way it was no longer "unpredictable." However, little did I know that this was me entering a vicious cycle of anticipatory anxiety, where the worry never ended and the unknown (when inevitably arrived and I could not do anything) always confirmed my worries. As I only saw that experience happen to me, I also began to feel a somewhat paranoid confirmation that it was I who had bad luck, and that there was something pernicious in the fact that I was always predisposed to bad things. All kinds of "theories" began to crop up in my mind as to why that was so. To this day, even though I don't explicitly believe in a conspiracy against my life, from time to time I see that in the back of my mind I still believe somenthing like I can never be free from this obsession with the unknown and that I am condemned to not be really calm ever."
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