Does anyone feel like DP is impossible to explain? - Discussion - Depersonalization Community

Jump to content


Please Read the Community Forum Guidelines Before Posting.


Photo

Does anyone feel like DP is impossible to explain?


  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 Grindelwald

Grindelwald

    Regular Contributor

  • DPSH Members
  • 333 posts

Posted 14 February 2021 - 01:18 AM

Everyone on here is either suffering from DP or has suffered from DP in the past, but I find it an impossible condition to explain, and the reason is it is 100% mental. It's really REALLY hard to explain your thoughts. It's like your body has a mental stasis that is developed early in your life and DP throws it all out of whack. Maybe "body" is the wrong word. More like your essence. 



#2 JoMe

JoMe

    Newbie

  • DPSH Members
  • Pip
  • 5 posts

Posted 15 February 2021 - 06:27 AM

Yes. For me it is. It's not thoughts. It's a sensation (!) of not being able to actually be conscious about what is happening, although my critical thinking is intact. That's why I am aware of how I'm feeling.
As I wrote in my post, even now as I'm writing, it's like my perception of what is happening is not here, like...I'm doing things but I'm just observing myself doing it, but there is no actual me...
I know it's me, but it's like a blanket of nothingness, like there is a blank somewhere between my brain and perceiving that this is what is happening, like something switched off but can't pin it where exactly. I don't even know how to explain it. Then again, that is the exact subject of your post... But I guess for me it's like feeling that I'm going to end up just doing things automatically, and me as an essence, as you put it, is going to completely dissappear at some point.

#3 Findmywayhome

Findmywayhome

    Regular Contributor

  • DPSH Members
  • 137 posts

Posted 15 February 2021 - 09:07 PM

JoMe, that's an amazing description of this disorder, at least I think so because that is literally EXACTLY how I feel. 

 

although what Im about to say may indirectly contradict what I just said lol.

 

In response to the OP, yes. I don't think its impossible per se, but it is excruciatingly difficult to put into words. It seems clear to me that DPDR is probably THE most subjectively experienced mental illness and the one in which words are the LEAST effective t in describing it. I also wouldn't be surprised if it's the most misdiagnosed disorder too. Putting symptoms into words is such a subjective process especially when it comes to this disorder (there's the aforementioned contradiction). I think my experience is a testament to that, here's simply why: My disorder in the third month compared to the third week was RADICALLY worse, (it stopped getting worse in January thank god)  but what's fascinating is, If I never experienced the change, I could describe the disorder with the same language now that I used back then. I read my old posts describing my symptoms in great detail, and based on that alone, it's like nothing has changed since then, my description still applies, but I know for a fact it has changed unbelievably since. 



#4 PerfectFifth

PerfectFifth

    Regular Contributor

  • DPSH Members
  • 342 posts

Posted 16 February 2021 - 01:00 AM

Yes, which is why I mostly don't even try to explain it to anyone who doesn't already know what it is. I only have DR-type symptoms, which I guess are easier to explain as they only relate to "external" perception, but it doesn't help all that much. 



#5 JoMe

JoMe

    Newbie

  • DPSH Members
  • Pip
  • 5 posts

Posted 16 February 2021 - 06:21 AM

JoMe, that's an amazing description of this disorder, at least I think so because that is literally EXACTLY how I feel.

although what Im about to say may indirectly contradict what I just said lol.

In response to the OP, yes. I don't think its impossible per se, but it is excruciatingly difficult to put into words. It seems clear to me that DPDR is probably THE most subjectively experienced mental illness and the one in which words are the LEAST effective t in describing it. I also wouldn't be surprised if it's the most misdiagnosed disorder too. Putting symptoms into words is such a subjective process especially when it comes to this disorder (there's the aforementioned contradiction). I think my experience is a testament to that, here's simply why: My disorder in the third month compared to the third week was RADICALLY worse, (it stopped getting worse in January thank god) but what's fascinating is, If I never experienced the change, I could describe the disorder with the same language now that I used back then. I read my old posts describing my symptoms in great detail, and based on that alone, it's like nothing has changed since then, my description still applies, but I know for a fact it has changed unbelievably since.


I think that that's because after a while these feelings are amplified because we are obsessing about them. And if in the begining it was something new and scary, now we know about it and observing it 24/7 and developing new ways of seeing/perceiving it. At least that's my case.
And what I've identified is that basically the auto pilot I'm on, even regarding my thinking, existed before. That was the actual NORMAL state. Because I just got on with life, not thinking about myself, just doing what I was supposed to, thinking about normal day to day problems etc.
But now, that normal autopilot is somehow seen by my brain as being abnormal so it makes me to keep focused on "I'm on autopilot, that's not ok, you MUST be aware of yourself, and JUST yourself every second, you must be super conscious about YOUR awareness of yourself".
And since that is not a normal thing by any means, it's actually a paradox that keeps this going in a circle. And as I said in my post, I'm trying to let it go, and some days are better, but then I wake up and check it, and yes it's still there and there you go, another day, or days, when I end up reading what others say about their experience for hours and hours, just worsening the situation and obsessing to the point where I cannot read about it anymore and just feel exhausted and sick of it.
Yesterday I did a big mistake (as usual) by reading about some cases in my country. And almost everyone was saying that you MUST go to a psychiatrist and take treatment, and I got really freaked out because it lowered my optimism close to 0... Like a lot of people, I have those moments of "ok, no more reading about it" and then... Here I am

#6 Phantasm

Phantasm

    Janitor

  • Moderators
  • 921 posts
  • LocationUK

Posted 16 February 2021 - 09:40 PM

I don't think I've ever tried to explain it to someone, I mean, how could they understand? It makes it very isolating. 

 

How do you tell someone your whole reality warped and you don't trust the ground you walk on? The terror of it. How do you even begin to express that to another person? 



#7 Absent

Absent

    Regular Contributor

  • DPSH Members
  • 101 posts
  • LocationBristol. GB.

Posted 17 February 2021 - 11:02 AM

Hello.

I am now good at explaining my DPRD to myself, i.e. its dynamics and the many apparent contradictions of my state. If, though, you mean how can you explain this to other people, that certainly is difficult, since they will perceive your presence in ways you currently cannot, and DPRD is so subjective and complex, yes. I have tried explaining DPRD to others for ages, tired of being misjudged by some and also wanting to explain to those who are genuinely interested in understanding. Eventually, I put some of my descriptions into a website describingdepersonalisation.com and specifically hoped that would be useful in trying to get across to people something of what DPRD is like. I wrote how profound DPRD can be but I always showed my own confidence that it is reversible, despite the ‘crud’. Words are insufficient but still I attempted it, in terms that could mean at least something to the non-DPRD person, even though I do not consider they could understand without experiencing DP/DR themselves. I wrote how language is lacking for this private distortion.

 

I recognise the need and motivation to explain the state of DPRD, it is the ‘thing’ that compromises my appearance and abilities. Part of the value of this forum is that we know what we are trying to explain.

I find that my observing self always being intact is a reassurance while other perception is practically absent.  If I can’t explain it to anyone, I still know my truth within DPRD and how it would be without it.  All best wishes.






0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users