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#1 Rosesky

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Posted 12 January 2021 - 09:21 AM

Hi people,
first of all sorry for any grammar mistake, English is not my native language and also sorry for a long post but this is my story about overcoming Derealization and it was a hell of a fight, so I can't shorten it :) Please feel free to ask me anything, If I help only 1 person to feel better I will be satisfied.
S
S, I suffered from DR 5 years ago. Due to poor knowledge about DR in our country it lasted for almost 2 years, until I found a good therapist that was aware of what Derealization is and somehow I have overcome it over time.  I won't write about the first time because honestly I can't rember what heleped me the most, after a period of time a realized that I am feeling like my old self.

March 2020 happened, the lockdown and everything and my anxiety came back, I was working from home and I was basicly 24/7 at home. After a few  days of costant anxiety and panic attacks I woke up with derealization. Unfortunately this time it was worse. I remember making dinner in the kitchen and suddenly I just started zoning out. I couldn't recognize my kitchen, the voice of my husband and daughter and I knew what it was, I just started shaking from fear and started crying and screaming. I wanted to text my therapist but I forgot how to use the phone..It was really terrifying. I went out just to grab a fresh air, I remeber thinking ''Not again, I can't go trough it again''. It was for sure-my worst fear Derelazion was back stronger than ever. I don't like writting about the symptoms because that was always trigering for me and I only want to make people feel better, but if you have question about my symptoms I will answer.
So back to the story, I felt terrible, depressed, exhausted.. All that with constant suicide thoughts. I just wanted to end the cycle of this horrible state of mind. I lost 10kg due to anxiety, because I could not eat at all for 5 days. My husband was worried because he didn't know how to help me. I couldn't take care of my daughter, of the house-of me.
I decided to go back to therapy. Long story short-I started with Zoloft because I couldn't keep my anxiety under control.
First few weeks on Zoloft were bad and when I say bad I mean ''I wouldn't wish it even to my worst enemy''. My anxiety raised and so did DR. I couldn't sleep, eat, was sweating 24/7 and my hand were always shaking.
But I knew that it couldn't get worse than it already was, so I said to my self ''You can do this sh*t'' and I did. The anxiety and extreme brainfog lifted after 3 months.
When it was time to go back to work in the office I started crying, every day was a battle. I looked at people that I worked for a long time and I they all seemed strangers to me.
But I kept going everyday, even if I cried my self to sleep every night when I came home. I pushed my self to go out with my daugter, with my friends and after a period of time I started to enjoy everything around me, but derealization was still there.

You people have no idea how strong we actually are, how much struggle we can take.. We should be proud of ourselves (I know how you feel, I hated myself, my brain and my life) but the first thing you need to do is start loving yourself as it is. That helped me alot, I started talking to my self about how strong I am for doing "normal things" even if they seemed hard, but I kept doing them.

Here is the cure:
TREAT YOUR ANXIETY, however you want. (Therapy, medication, natural things, meditation, etc. - whatever helps you).
That is the start, because derealization is mostly a symptom. Then you can focus on DR.
DON'T AVOID ANYTHING BECAUSE OF DR/DP.
This was my biggest mistake.
I avoided work, my friends, going out, making love with my husband, drinking coffe, riding a car... And because of that I felt even more anxious and my dr/dp was stronger.
Just do things like nothing is happening, I started drinking coffe again and all the things that I used to.. you will think and check every second and THAT IS OK. We all do that. But eventually you will be doing it every 30 seconds, then every minute, then every hour.. You will realize that you don't think about dr/dp that much.
IT TAKES TIME.
You already heard that and it's true. To me the recovery started gradually. It gets week by week.
I am 85% recovered, the 15% that keeps me away from fully recover is that sometimes dr gets back, but I can handle it well and it goes away fast and also that weird sense of time, like you know something happened this morning but you don't "feel like that" and it's because I check on it. I check with myself what I did yesterday and day before... And that's why it is still here.
Trust me-I don't rush myself anymore.. I love myslef now because I know how much I tortured my brain and soul and it is just a part of healing. Eventually this will go away too.
DON'T DO ANYTHING TO "COMFORT" YOUR DEREALIZATION.
THAT WAS ONE OF THE BEST ADVICE I GOT FROM MY THERAPIST.
Let me explain:
Derealization is a symptom of anxiety, and anxiety can include symptoms of OCD.
People with OCD look for comfort their raising and irrational thoughts (washing hands, doing some repeating habits, you know...)
And we search the internet or aks everyone if we are gonna be ok. (I checked with my husband if he hears the same noise I heard, because I though I'm hallucinating and going crazy)

You are reading this forum->you are searching for a confirmation that thing are gonna be all right->you find recovery story->
you feel better->after few hours the anxiety/derealization hits harder.
That's because we don't allow ourselves to feel all the bad emotions and to confirm to our brain that nothing bad will happen.
NOW THAT YOU READ THIS AND YOU GOT A CONFIRMATION THAT IT WILL GO AWAY STOP SEARCHING ANYTHING ONLINE or anywhere.
Delete you history, bookmarks, everything.
I told also my husband not to ask me how I feel, because I know I will start crying and asking if I'm gonna be all right. I told him that we should continue with our daily lives like nothing is happening.
That helped alot. Now I go out with my friends out and everything is great, I do check sometimes if DR is still there, but after minute or two I get back to the present moment.

You can do this, trust me, if I did it, everyone will. I was close to jump off a building and end with everything and here I am writing a recovery story.

I'm begging you to start loving your self and to stop coming back here over and over again.
It won't help you, trust me.
Everything is going to be ok, I promise.

If you have any questions please feel free to aks me.

I am sending you all so much love. You people are so strong and you are everything 💙

#2 Shiny

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Posted 18 January 2021 - 05:22 AM

Hey Rosesky,

Congrats on getting to the recovery phase and overcoming Derealisation.

I can relate to your story so much because I’m basically the same as you. I haven’t popped onto this website in a while but occasionally I always like to check back just to see what people have wrote.

I have had this condition for a few years now but also feel 85% maybe 90% recovered and the remaining 10% comes from just mentally checking through habit, I scan the environment and it’s usually ‘yep, I feel fine’ but then by scanning .. that triggers it. So then it comes back extremely mild and barely lasts long, it’s bearable. I function normally , go to work, walk my dog , I have a wife and a house and baby on the way. My life is full of good things so I don’t let my own little ‘problem’ affect me anymore.

It’s only a habit of thought now, and the habit is fading day by day because I’m not constantly feeding it with worry or googling for reassurance. The brain will learn eventually that it no longer needs to protect us and then that will eliminate the derealisation.

At the beginning I was a mess, as we all are. What is this feeling? What’s happened to my brain? Why can’t I think clearly? Why do my emotions feel shut off and that I’m in a dream? It’s all too scary to even comprehend, because it’s unknown. Then we frantically search for answers to get rid of this feeling ! Which makes it worse. If only we could find the correct answer then stick to it no matter how long it takes. It doesn’t matter how long anybody has had it, it goes when you no longer care about it.

Anyway, always good to post information to help others who are struggling and who knows maybe I’ve helped a little too.

Best of luck :)

#3 Rosesky

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Posted 23 January 2021 - 01:29 PM

Hey Shiny,

Thanks for your reply and congrats on the baby!

I totally know the habbit of checking if derealization is still here, I do that sometimes, but in the last 2 months, as we were getting close to the end of 2020 I just kept reminding myself that I was in a such a big mess at the start of the year and look at me now! Enjoying my life again.
So that way of thinking helped me with mentally checking if it's still here.

The only fear that I have is what if I relapse... But I will work on that too.
For now I am just happy with where I am.

Wish you all the best 😊

#4 Anisha bux

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Posted 15 February 2021 - 08:59 AM

Your post has helped me so much rosesky, after more than 10 years of managing an dealing with dp, I woke up one day with overwhelming anxiety and later during the day the do hit me again like a ton of bricks! Was the worst sensation ever!
But I'm taking it easy and relearning the ways I have managed all these years. For some reason the anxiety doesn't seem to shift .. possibly because I'm 7 months pregnant but you're absolutely right in saying acceptance and getting on with life no matter how strange you feel eliviates the anxiety fuelling the dp/Dr . I created an account just to say thank you as your post was exactly what I needed to remind myself after all these years . Sending all my regards x

#5 Num8Freak

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Posted 29 March 2021 - 11:54 AM

How do i ignore it and move on with my life, if the DP/DR symptoms are extreme and 24/7? I'ts even there if i'm fully euphoric.....



#6 lost235

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Posted 29 March 2021 - 01:36 PM

How do i ignore it and move on with my life, if the DP/DR symptoms are extreme and 24/7? I'ts even there if i'm fully euphoric.....


I know exactly what you mean, it’s impossible to ignore it. I’ve had it for a few months now and only now am I only starting to have reduced symptoms by simply just accepting (or rather being used to) that it’s there. Ignoring it and purposely distracting yourself doesn’t really work most of the time. After a while I’ve been forced to get used to it which has helped a lot, the symptoms doesn’t scare me as much because I’ve literally had them all hundreds of times. It’s possible to be happy and have dpdr too, but at some point you will probably be so used to it that you automatically ignore it. I know it’s hard tho, my way isn’t the most effective I’m more or less forced to live with it. It’s helped a lot to reduce my anxiety too, since that’s what triggered it in the first place.

#7 Rosesky

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Posted 30 March 2021 - 02:29 PM

Hi!
I just stopped by to see if there is any replies to my post :)

Anisha bux-You have no idea how much this means to me-To know that I helped someone!
Being pregnant is stressful itself, because of the hormones going wild, so if you are suffering from anxiety it's natural that you experience it a bit more intense now.
Just remember how strong you are even if you think sometimes that you are not.
There are so many exciting days in your future with your little one, you probably won't have time to think that much about anxiety and dp.
Even if you do always remember that it is ok, life just goes on. Live it day by day, don't stress about the future as we all love to do :)

#8 Rosesky

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Posted 30 March 2021 - 02:40 PM

I know exactly what you mean, it’s impossible to ignore it. I’ve had it for a few months now and only now am I only starting to have reduced symptoms by simply just accepting (or rather being used to) that it’s there. Ignoring it and purposely distracting yourself doesn’t really work most of the time. After a while I’ve been forced to get used to it which has helped a lot, the symptoms doesn’t scare me as much because I’ve literally had them all hundreds of times. It’s possible to be happy and have dpdr too, but at some point you will probably be so used to it that you automatically ignore it. I know it’s hard tho, my way isn’t the most effective I’m more or less forced to live with it. It’s helped a lot to reduce my anxiety too, since that’s what triggered it in the first place.


I agree.. The more I tried to ignore it the more it was there.
Not that I was thinking about it 24/7 but I also dreamed about it. That's how obsessed I was.

It never helped when I wanted to distract myself. For example I would watch a movie when I was felling really bad, I would start watching it and after 10min I just start thinking "I'm watching this because of dp" and then it would hit me even harder.. Then I turned it to " I had a really bad day because of dp, but I survived and I keep fighting so I will now relax by watching a movie".
That kind of thinking helped me a lot.

#9 Rosesky

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Posted 30 March 2021 - 02:45 PM

Sorry, I didn't wanted to say "the more I tried to ignore it", but the more I tried to fight it :)
I don't know how to change my post :)

#10 lost235

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Posted 30 March 2021 - 04:17 PM

I agree.. The more I tried to ignore it the more it was there.
Not that I was thinking about it 24/7 but I also dreamed about it. That's how obsessed I was.

It never helped when I wanted to distract myself. For example I would watch a movie when I was felling really bad, I would start watching it and after 10min I just start thinking "I'm watching this because of dp" and then it would hit me even harder.. Then I turned it to " I had a really bad day because of dp, but I survived and I keep fighting so I will now relax by watching a movie".
That kind of thinking helped me a lot.


I completely agree. I have dreamt a lot about dpdr too, mostly dreams about going through my day and going places which freaked me out irl (which made me wake up super scared). It’s a weird thing, but not the worst thing in the world and is definitely just triggered by overthinking

Mindset has definitely changed my situation a lot too! What’s really helped is thinking “I trust that my body takes care of what needs to be taken care of” and that I am in full control of myself even when I’m scared I’m not. Calmly accepting the feeling and moving the focus onto what you’re doing is definitely the best, even though that’s really difficult in the beginning when you’re scared to death about these feelings.

#11 BlueTank

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Posted 30 March 2021 - 04:44 PM

I understand a lot of the OP post. When I got out of it once I went back to work and I wouldn't let my family talk about it. "I'm fine". And some how things started to come togetther. Ignore the DP/DR and the sleep fixed and stuff.  Now I don't even 100% exactly know how it worked. I know I was on a lot of clonezepam and I think my sleep some how magically fixed before I went back to work (was on a 2 week break). But its hard to say. 

 

"DON'T AVOID ANYTHING BECAUSE OF DR/DP."

 

So this is super hard!!!  I started out doing this because I know  thats how it works. But I kept getting beat down/set backs and also I'm working from home. Not at work!  You can't go to office and my friends are all scared. So I was still here at the house a lot this time.  I got hypervigilant. This means things scare me. This made it hard to go out.   Bad bad sleep makes this worse (waking up/hard to sleep).  I ended up falling back in to avoiding!!! Some fucking how I fell in to the old habits which include

Incessant youtube watching of drugs and symptoms and shit.  Incessant forums.  Lots of avoidance.  Lack of going out (I go out sometimes). Go out after dark (like I plan to tonight).   Bad responsibility.  LOTS of laying down and breathing. Did I say laying down? yeah lots of that.

 

All of this I already know is bad. What is good is sorta Faking it Until You Make It -- With Caveats. That includes for me no caffiene. eat healthy. no alcohol. try to get good/lots of sleep.  exercise.

This means you should keep doing things with friends. But its hard. Easier said than done. 

 



#12 Rosesky

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Posted 31 March 2021 - 03:20 AM

I know, that was the hardest part, not avoiding things.
I also avoided work, avoided going out, going to grocery store because all seemed like 2D and cartoon like, but that never helped, that's what you need to remember, it won't make anything better (Unfortunately).
Just keep in mind that nothing of these things will harm you, you already have dp, you know that you won't go crazy or anything, it's just pretty uncomfortable.
When I started going back to work I was like "If it gets to stressful I can always come back home" that kept me safe somehow.
Also I have a child, so avoiding things was sometimes a luxury for me, which helped :D




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