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Should I be worried?


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#1 lost235

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Posted 07 January 2021 - 08:39 PM

Lately I’ve been experiencing some very intense dePersonalisation feelings. It started off with more mild symptoms like occasional uncomfortable sensations every once in a while, feeling like something about me is off. But lately it’s been horrible. I’m referring more to dp symptoms. Every time I look in a mirror I can’t see even relate a little bit to what I’m seeing. It looks like one of those programs where you can randomly generate on face, which has been stuck on a body that seems like a strangers.
A lot of times I’ll suddenly become very aware of the body I am in, and my mind separates entirely from it. It’s like I’m just my brain, and the body is something I’m just stuck in.
I feel like the dp also intensifies the dr, cause if I don’t believe I’m real how does everyone else do it?
Also been dealing with constantly feeling uncomfortable. I can’t change or shower or even look at my arms while moving them without feeling sort of icky. Anytime my mind acknowledges that my body is doing something I get this sudden feeling of discomfort that really just makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

Now I’m just wondering if this has gone too far? Can it still be called dpdr, or do I need serious help? Has anyone else experienced this?

#2 Findmywayhome

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Posted 07 January 2021 - 11:43 PM

I honestly find it very interesting that it started out as dr for you but now its a lot more dp. I really wouldn't be alarmed at that though, people symptoms change all the time. In fact, I think a volatile disorder may mean its easier to get out of; as it proves to be more flexible and not as static. Do you still experience a lot of DR? Does it still bother you? 

 

"A lot of times I’ll suddenly become very aware of the body I am in, and my mind separates entirely from it. It’s like I’m just my brain, and the body is something I’m just stuck in." I relate to this so much. It's weird how with DR I can think about it and it doesn't get that much worse, but it's a completely different story when I think about my DP. I honestly feel like I don't even exist anymore. I feel like my consciousness is just a collection of experiences, with no "self" to unite and identify with those experiences. Their is no inner story. I feel like a new person completely from scratch with each passing moment. 

 

I too feel as though that what I may experience as DR is really just DP. I honestly think 95% of my disorder is depersonalization. I can't associate or feel connected to my senses. And with vision being the most prominent one. I don't feel as though I am the one who is seeing, thus everything in my vision feels fake and disconnected. I don't feel any real connection to my family. And I don't think thats DR but actually DP. Like I do in fact feel that they are real people for the most part, but they don't feel like they are MY family. 

 

I honestly feel like I am going crazy. Im scared that Im going to disappear inside my mind or something. I just want to feel connected to myself again, and I want my inner story back. 

 

EDIT: Also dont worry. Im pretty sure this is all just DPDR. I mean what you described is textbook depersonalization.



#3 lost235

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Posted 08 January 2021 - 08:31 AM

Hmm yeah it feels strange that I haven’t gotten these symptoms until just now, like 5 months after it started. Although I’m glad I’m feeling this way now, 3 months ago I wouldn’t be able to handle it what so ever. But I will say I still experience a lot of DR, it hasn’t gone away even the slightest. That’s why it’s so hard, I can’t be with others cause they seem unreal. At the same time I can’t be by myself because I get so uncomfortable with that.

Although my memories haven’t been affected too much, I still relate somewhat to the person I used to be. It’s more in the moment I’m struggling with, like the things I think about seem to be coming from someone else. And when I talk I don’t recognise my mannerisms or expressions. Also not recognising my face, it’s super weird.

But I do agree that the DP gets much worse when you think about it. DR is more of an obsession, and while it gets worse when thinking about it it feels different than DP. In a way there’s “more control” of DR, I’m fully aware of my analysation. DP is more attacking, and it comes suddenly when I least expect it. I’d still say DR is worse for me tho, it’s real torturing and affects my everyday life so much. I’d say 95% of my disorder is derealisation lol.

I understand what you mean tho, the two parts of dpdr really come hand in hand. Like for me the DR has lead me to analyse myself as well, but I could see how DP makes you question everything in your life. If you can’t recognise yourself how are you supposed to relate and feel towards others?

Don’t worry, your symptoms are most likely also DPDR. I think we’re literally just proving it to ourselves but there’s a part of us that just can’t believe it. You’re not going to disappear inside your mind, you’re just analysing yourself too much. It’s just not natural to analyse yourself so much that we do. I hope you’ll feel better soon:/ maybe there’s some things to do to feel more connected to yourself? Or at least more connected to your body? I’ve been looking up some sort of meditation, idk if it’ll work but I will give it a try.




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