I hope non of you feels this way now, but I was hoping for an advice for my own struggles.
Even though I've gotten better the past few years, it's still too hard, and in the last couple of days I've been more dangerously playing with the idea of killing myself in some way or another (full disclosure I tried doing it before also because of the dpdr, but the dissociation got the better of me, and I couldn't finish the job). I've recently came to the realization that therapy isn't the answer for me, after some failed and painful relationships with former therapists, and a very fun staying in a psych ward I wouldn't recommend on staying, and I feel more hopeless then ever, my dpdr is from childhood trauma and maybe even some traumas that accumulated since I was diagnosed with it (about 3 years ago), I'm taking Venlafaxine for about a year now, but I want to stop, as I see it because my problems stand from cptsd (that childhood trauma part) I think that I'll get better once I'll have a safe environment i.e people who care about me and want me here, who I can trust on (sorry that it's one sided, it's just that my emotions are gone, but assume I'll reciprocate those feelings once I'll be able to) and be authentic and open around, I just need a hug man.
I'd really appreciate any support or advice about what to do, you can share your stories or anything you want it'll be nice to hear again from people who can really understand what it's like.
On a more personal note:
I haven't been in this forum for a while now, because honestly it's way too triggering for me, and just looking at the headlines of some of these posts makes my brain fog and dissociation worse, but this community once saved my life and even though it hurts, I would never forget it, and I just wanted to say that I genuinely and whole heartedly love each and every one of you here (as much as my emotionally numbed heart can) and I admire your strength and ability to still go on and survive every single day despite it all <3