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chronic drpr for 6 years


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#1 freindlyCloakedSkeletons

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Posted 29 November 2020 - 01:39 PM

Hi, sooo uh, I usually try to stay away from these kinda sites cause they really stress me out but I kinda had a question I didnt think any other community could answer. Brief history first, I started having symptoms when I was 10, 6 years ago, and It’s never stopped since. I think I’m well beyond the point of being able to remember what its like living without this. Back in around June(?) I saw things 3 dimensionally again for the first time since I can remember. I thought I would be happy. Getting over this thing is all I’ve ever wanted since the day it started, but I barely even wanted to open my eyes anymore (sorry if that sounds too dramatic). It’s just that, if I can’t even remember how seeing things is supposed to be, I have no idea how I’d deal with having to adjust to a foreign sense of reality AGAIN. It’s not that I dont want to get better, even if I can’t remember, I know this isnt really living, it’s more of going through the motions of maintaining something that resembles a life. I guess I just want to have a better idea of what to expect, of what I’m supposed to feel. (sorry if none of that made any sense)



#2 Findmywayhome

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Posted 29 November 2020 - 07:22 PM

Hey,

I couldn’t exactly tell you anything personally. But I know a youtuber by the name of Jordan Hardgrave has some videos on this topic. Heres a link:



I have some questions though. I got this around three months ago and I believe that we are around the same age (16?). I guess I am interested in the lives of people who have had this long term.

Was there anything you can say may have caused or maintained your DP? Has it stayed constant for most of those six years, or does it fluctuate? Were you still able to find a sense of happiness and enjoyment out of life despite the disorder?

#3 freindlyCloakedSkeletons

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Posted 29 November 2020 - 10:13 PM

Was there anything you can say may have caused or maintained your DP? Has it stayed constant for most of those six years, or does it fluctuate? Were you still able to find a sense of happiness and enjoyment out of life despite the disorder?

I'm honestly not sure what caused it, it just started happening one day. As for its continuance, I had little to no support system up until about 3 weeks ago and the majority of people Ive had to deal with since then aren't exactly the most...understanding. It doesnt stay constant, I think if it did I wouldnt even be able to tell something was wrong anymore. Some days I can actually feel for a bit and others Its as if im nothing more than a series of chemical reactions mindlessly taking orders until I die. At this point being able to feel ANYTHING makes me a bit happy, even if I feel miserable I can at least feel.

 

I know you didnt ask for this, but you seem to be fairly active for someone who's only had this for three months. I'm not sure if it'll help you but its helped me a bit. The more you think about it the worse it gets. The more you focus on comparing how you feel now and how you see now to how you used to, the more "theoretical" (im not sure if thats the right word but i hope you understand) reality becomes. Just trying to stay present and focus on things as they are is whats helped me the most to come back. I wouldn't have made this account in the first place if i didnt think i was at least beginning to get better. As I mentioned I dont go on these kinds of sites a whole lot but I've read enough to notice a pattern of people saying something along the lines of "the reason you dont see many recovered or recovering active members is because they've realized how toxic constantly researching and thinking about it can be". I may be wrong, you seem to have done a whole lot more research than I  have, I just dont wanna see anyone else get to the point I have.



#4 heneluna

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Posted 29 November 2020 - 10:20 PM

Hi,

 

I've spent 5 years in a dissociative state so I cant say anything personally. I used to be acquainted with a couple of people who recovered and they said that the first time they felt/ saw things normal again was an overwhelmingly happy experience. Some were relaxed about it, but for others coming back to reality was a bit too stimulating. Like theres so much you wanna see and do, you can get too excited and that could trigger anxiety which'll send you back to dissociation. From what I've heard its pretty common to dissociate a couple of times until you've finally recovered, each period of reality getting longer and longer as you get more used to it. It can be a bit harder if you've got anxiety or haven't dealt with any trauma, but obviously not impossible. When you finally come back to reality, it's not a strange or scary experience. Things wont look foreign or crazy, it'll just look really beautiful. 


 

Don't loose hope, you saw things in 3d in JUNE. Thats a super good sign that you're almost back to normal...lol how do I do that.



#5 Findmywayhome

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Posted 29 November 2020 - 10:59 PM

 

... you seem to be fairly active for someone who's only had this for three months.

So I've been told. I couldn't agree more though. I've come to realize that while I can reap short term therapeutic benefits from journaling, posting and interacting with this forum... In the long run I am digging myself into a grave. I feel as though writing about this disorder I am effectively cognitively engraining it into my mind. As if the words I type are simultaneously sculpting my neural circuits to maintain the continuity of this fucking disorder. That being said, this site is one of the few entities that reminds me of reality Writing is the one way I can seem to grab a hold of all this and see it for what it is; a mental disorder. Sometimes my existential perception of reality is so overwhelming I forgot that's all it is.

 

You are not the first person thats told me this, I think I am finally realizing the mistake I made by continuing to be on this forum. Ive been getting worse for three months and iI didn't stop to think that maybe me relentless rumination about this disorder is what is making it worse. I guess its just way too early to be in a state of mind where I can be free from thinking about it, each time it gets worse I feel like I am starting all over again. 

 

But here I am having written two paragraphs detailing how I should stop writing paragraph after paragraph on this site. Lol. Anyways Im glad to hear you are finally starting to feel better. I also feel that if my DPDR acutely ended the experience would be terrifying, idk. Id much rather have a super gradual recovery.



#6 freindlyCloakedSkeletons

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Posted 29 November 2020 - 11:41 PM

That being said, this site is one of the few entities that reminds me of reality Writing is the one way I can seem to grab a hold of all this and see it for what it is; a mental disorder. Sometimes my existential perception of reality is so overwhelming I forgot that's all it is.

...

 

I guess its just way too early to be in a state of mind where I can be free from thinking about it

(sorry if replying makes your habit of routinely checking this site worse) Im sure you've already read this by now, buts its just a coping mechanism to protect you from emotions that can be overwhelming. The more I begin to feel again the more I realize that. It's a result of Something else being wrong weather it be anxiety or trauma.

 

After a while, thinking about it becomes a habit. I've heard other people say mindfulness and body scan meditations have helped them rewire themselves. It's been quite a while since I first got this so I dont know this for fact, but I'd assume the habit is easier to break sooner rather than later.

 

(on an unrelated note... wow, could i like... borrow some braincells sometime)






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