Uncomfortable first person (possible trigger) - Discussion - Depersonalization Community

Jump to content


Please Read the Community Forum Guidelines Before Posting.


Photo

Uncomfortable first person (possible trigger)


  • Please log in to reply
5 replies to this topic

#1 SharasZzzz

SharasZzzz

    Advanced Member

  • DPSH Members
  • 39 posts

Posted 19 November 2020 - 03:04 PM

I’ve been wondering if this is really a symptom of DP and this thought/feeling has been scaring me for a while - I keep feeling like life is some shitty super realistic VR game where I’m stuck in first person and with no “Heads Up Display” which somehow makes my brain think that I’m forever stuck in this crappy video game with no mistake and it makes me anxious. I cannot really tell why this is happening, I’ve been struggling with this awareness/thought for some years, but I used to manage to cope with it somehow, but now I just can’t for some reason. It’s like I’ve been playing video games 24/7 for 10 years and I’ve just got off and started living life. If anyone can relate or suggest some coping methods and techniques, I would appreciate it a lot because I’m seriously considering suicide or something else for this hellhole I’m in.

I just wanted to ask if this whole shit is related to DP/DR or if I’m actually insane, especially the no “Heads Up Display” part, it does sound pretty stupid, but I can’t figure it out somehow..

#2 lost235

lost235

    Advanced Member

  • DPSH Members
  • 42 posts

Posted 19 November 2020 - 05:19 PM

Hi! Just wanted to let you know you’re totally not alone in this. I’ve also sometimes felt like I’m in a VR game of some sort which is sooo weird and scary but I truly believe it’s just a dpdr symptom.

Personally I’ve noticed that most of my symptoms are the same, they’re just explained differently from time to time. So while i sometimes feel like I’m in a VR game, that’s the exact same thing as having reality look a little deformed, or looking at your hands and not feeling connected to the body. And for me, the actual idea of everything looking like a simulation or VR is what terrifies me, because I start to wonder what would happen if it was true. But the actual sensation isn’t as horrible as I make it to be. The thoughts is what makes it worse.

I don’t have any specific tips other than to stop obsessing over the feeling that everything looks deformed. I know that’s literally impossible in the moment but try maybe writing down exactly what you’re feeling and then deciding to leave it at that. It’s truly the thoughts that are increasing the feeling. It’s like an endless circle; uncomfortable and scary symptoms lead to catastrophic thoughts, which leads to anxiety, which leads to more symptoms and then even more catastrophic thoughts. This is why it’s best to try to decrease our catastrophic thoughts.

If you don’t find it comforting to write down what you feel, I’ve got a technique that’s helped me quite a bit. (I learnt this in CBT therapy so it might not be for everyone but consider trying it out!)

•Try and think about your symptom/catastrophic thought (for example you going insane).
•How much do you believe in this thought from 1-100?
•What’s your proof that this might be true? (In this case what’s the proof that you’ll go insane?)
•Which arguments speak against your fear of going insane?
•How would someone else look at this situation? Is there any logical explanation?
•How strongly do you believe in these thoughts now?

If this won’t help you. Know that you’re not going insane. This disorder/anxiety symptom or whatever it is will not make you insane, and you’re not insane for having it either. I’ve had a lot of scares where I have literally felt like I’ve lost it completely, you’ll see some of my posts on here lol. These symptoms might make you feel like the only possibility is that you have gone crazy, but you haven’t trust me. The human mind is super weird, it’ll make our bodies and thoughts change a lot even when we don’t want it to. But it’s completely natural. This is a defence mechanism, nothing more. Also what’s comforted me a lot is knowing that if I was going insane, I wouldn’t have noticed it. And I can tell you’re really anxious about all this, which only proves that you’re not crazy.

These techniques and mindsets I’m talking about, they’re not easy. But as time goes by you might find yourself feeling a bit better. Some days are worse, some days are better, and some days you might just want to give up. But please don’t. I know the feeling trust me. This weird “disorder” is pure torture, but hold on for just a little bit longer. It’ll get better eventually even if recovery seems far away. Lots of people need you here, so keep going! You matter and you’re so much stronger than these symptoms.

Also, we’re almost exactly the same age and really want you to know that it’s really not the end for you. Yeah this sucks but when you’re out of it you’ll appreciate life so much more. We’ve got a lot more to experience so don’t give up!

#3 Findmywayhome

Findmywayhome

    Regular Contributor

  • DPSH Members
  • 85 posts

Posted 19 November 2020 - 09:18 PM

I can confidently say I suffer from basically the exact same thing. Vision feels like a stubborn illusion and im looking at a theatre screen and my brain is the projector... 

 

I can assure you the symptom is a combination of DP and DR. The DP contributes by making you dissociate from your own vision, making it seem like your "stuck" in this perspective, which gives you that HUD feeling. The DR contributes by making everything within your vision look "flat", or 2D, making it seem as though you are looking at a screen. I hope this clears things up for you. 

 

I'm not going to lie, I was kind of shocked when I read the part were you said you are considering suicide. Im not trying to undermine what you are going through. It's hell, trust me, I know. But that being said you are someone who has recovered from this before, and you are only three weeks in to this new episode. On top of that there are very real reasons for your episode, it seems very stress and anxiety related, which is a good thing. Just keep pushing through, try to keep a calm mind, you'll make it out, trust me. I genuinely believe this will be another transient episode for you, im not just saying that lol. 



#4 SharasZzzz

SharasZzzz

    Advanced Member

  • DPSH Members
  • 39 posts

Posted 29 November 2020 - 07:41 AM

Hey, thanks for the positive feedback. It’s not that I seriously consider suicide, but this is seriously hell for me. I don’t even understand why is reality so strange, too realistic, or just unbelievable at all. I guess the thought that there’s literally no escape from living life and being stuck in this human suit is what causes my anxiety. However, I’ve tried my best to interact with my surroundings and completely cut out video games, however that same feeling still somehow exists. It’s like thinking that life is a video game, but then realizing how serious it is if someone or you yourself dies and there’s no going back/respawning, unlike video games. I guess something must’ve really traumatized/stressed me out for this to happen. I just wish I could pause life and start a whole new world elsewhere, because life at our current situation literally sucks and it just feels like a hyper realistic video game.

#5 forestx5

forestx5

    Senior DPSelfhelp.com Member

  • DPSH Members
  • 1313 posts
  • Locationcentral virginia blue ridge mountains

Posted 29 November 2020 - 09:52 AM

Try playing a first person video game and see the difference.  I'm a first person shooter fan, and I highly recommend Modern Warfare 2 for the XBOX or Playstation, whatever you got!

I saw that game selling new at my local Wally world for $20 and I thought to myself....my god, what an entertainment bargain.  Firstly, there is the campaign which I had to play several

times before I had an inkling of the story line.  Being a first person shooter means its not really necessary to understand the plot; if it moves you shoot it.  Pretty simple.

The real treat of this game is the special operations missions at the end of the campaign.  I think there are 5 missions each in sections A through E.  That's 25 missions that

can take you about 45 minutes each to complete.  I played them over and over until my times for completion were near world record times.  I tried different strategies and weapons,

and each play the Artificial Intelligence responded with something unique.  But the best thing of all was, when it was over, I knew the difference between the first person shooter perspective,

with heads up display, and real life without one.



#6 SharasZzzz

SharasZzzz

    Advanced Member

  • DPSH Members
  • 39 posts

Posted 29 November 2020 - 09:54 AM

That’s kind of the thing with me, my brain tricks me into thinking real life is a first person video game or a movie and it gives me anxiety. The longer I play video games, the more I get detached from reality and myself. Come to think of it I used to game a lot 24/7.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users