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I am so confused

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#1 Findmywayhome

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Posted 20 October 2020 - 07:02 PM

This disorder is confusing the hell out of me. It seems so much more anomalous than others.

Every story I read they describe the onset of being more or less abrupt. And after it happens it stays the same. Or, they developed it at a young age and over many many years it gradually worsens.

But for me, just these past seven weeks it has gotten 10x worse. Why would it get this bad so quickly? My dp/dr happened during a massive panic attack in the midst of a depressive episode. But once the attack subsided, so did the dp/dr. I then gradually started feeling sensations of dp/dr a few days later, after the pankc attack. Once the depression and anxiety went away, the dp/dr seemed to take over my awareness. I knew immediately what it was when I started to feel it, ive experienced brief episodes of it before. I had very minimal stress and anxiety about it. But it kept getting worse.

Its so bad now. The self detachment and de realization I feel is so bizarre and extreme. Today it absolutely skyrocketed, I dont know why. I guess maybe anxiety about the doctors appointment I had today?

I know. Every dp/dr case is different, but at the same time they’re not. Why are pretty much 95% of the recovery posts from people who got dp/dr initially from drugs? Howcome everyone described their onset as being one that starts - whether triggered by something or not- and just stays relatively the same in severity?

I feel like I should’ve nipped this in the bud by now. I was motivated to recover, anxiety free, and grounded. Now its impossible to understand that reality is reality. I have too much anxiety and depression now to deal with this.

That mayer gross dude is so sure that I should treat this as an anxiety disorder, and seek therapy. And that considering the onset is so recent, I should have a lot of flexibility. Obviously this hasnt helped. Its so unbearable now.

Someone please respond with something. Anything

#2 IrnBruKid

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Posted 20 October 2020 - 07:14 PM

Hi I just read your thread and wow, I actually had to do a double take because I thought it was something I wrote. I'm pretty much going through the exact same as you and started roughly the same time ago too.

About 2 months ago, I had a sudden increase in anxiety, agitation and insomnia. I say sudden bit it had been building for months since my stepdad died at Christmas but it felt like it went from 100 to a million overnight if you know what I mean. I have had DP/DR before during and after a bad panic attack and it would go away within a few hours or days. Horrible but bearable. I had bad panic attacks almost daily in about 8 weeks and it all came to a head at my worst one when I had to go to hospital for a bad urine infection. It felt beyond panic if that makes sense.

Ever since then, I haven't felt right. My overall anxiety is a lot better but still there and I've never (touch wood) had a panic that strong since but the DP/DR has been almost constant since. I've only recently in the last couple of days had blips of normality for a little while, mins at a time usually.

At my worst I didn't recognise myself in the mirror or pictures, my family felt so distant to me like they were on another planet even though I could see them and touch them, my voice didn't sound right, my flat didn't look right and I felt like a stranger in my own flat, outside looked weird and different - I felt like I didn't even recognise my own street, I could barely remember anything, could barely string a sentence together yet my brain was in overdrive constantly thinking about DP/DR. I couldn't even feel my grief that is what probably tipped my anxiety over. I couldn't feel joy - just emptiness. It was so bad I couldn't even cry to get my frustration out and I was begging to have a panic attack just so I could feel something.

I'm not out of it all yet and it's by far the scariest thing I've ever felt. I've never felt so hopeless in all my life. What has helped though is making sure I eat even if it's nothing healthy I made sure I had three meals a day, keep sound on in the background constantly whether it's music, LoTR commentary, anxiety self help videos etc - anything to try and stop me thinking inwardly even for a second, looked back at old pics to trigger memories and remind myself of "who I am", making sure I get a good sleep (which for me is a lot harder than it sounds). If I dream, that helps with my DP/DR sometimes because then at least I can say "well I know I'm not dreaming now since I dreamt of this or that earlier".

I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I really do hope you feel better soon. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy

#3 Findmywayhome

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Posted 22 October 2020 - 06:23 PM

Hi I just read your thread and wow, I actually had to do a double take because I thought it was something I wrote. I'm pretty much going through the exact same as you and started roughly the same time ago too.
About 2 months ago, I had a sudden increase in anxiety, agitation and insomnia. I say sudden bit it had been building for months since my stepdad died at Christmas but it felt like it went from 100 to a million overnight if you know what I mean. I have had DP/DR before during and after a bad panic attack and it would go away within a few hours or days. Horrible but bearable. I had bad panic attacks almost daily in about 8 weeks and it all came to a head at my worst one when I had to go to hospital for a bad urine infection. It felt beyond panic if that makes sense.
Ever since then, I haven't felt right. My overall anxiety is a lot better but still there and I've never (touch wood) had a panic that strong since but the DP/DR has been almost constant since. I've only recently in the last couple of days had blips of normality for a little while, mins at a time usually.
At my worst I didn't recognise myself in the mirror or pictures, my family felt so distant to me like they were on another planet even though I could see them and touch them, my voice didn't sound right, my flat didn't look right and I felt like a stranger in my own flat, outside looked weird and different - I felt like I didn't even recognise my own street, I could barely remember anything, could barely string a sentence together yet my brain was in overdrive constantly thinking about DP/DR. I couldn't even feel my grief that is what probably tipped my anxiety over. I couldn't feel joy - just emptiness. It was so bad I couldn't even cry to get my frustration out and I was begging to have a panic attack just so I could feel something.
I'm not out of it all yet and it's by far the scariest thing I've ever felt. I've never felt so hopeless in all my life. What has helped though is making sure I eat even if it's nothing healthy I made sure I had three meals a day, keep sound on in the background constantly whether it's music, LoTR commentary, anxiety self help videos etc - anything to try and stop me thinking inwardly even for a second, looked back at old pics to trigger memories and remind myself of "who I am", making sure I get a good sleep (which for me is a lot harder than it sounds). If I dream, that helps with my DP/DR sometimes because then at least I can say "well I know I'm not dreaming now since I dreamt of this or that earlier".
I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I really do hope you feel better soon. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy


Hey, thanks for the response. Im really sorry to hear about your loss

I almost want to say the idea of emotional numbness scares me more than dp/dr. I feel myself losing more and more emotion every day. I have an eerie sense of indifference when I think about dark thoughts like if im gonna be stuck miserable forever or stuff like that.

Are you feeling better emotionally? If so, do you think you did anything to contribute to the reconciliation of your emotional emptiness, what does it feel like to get emotions back? (thats probably a stupid question)





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