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How to feel more in control?


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#1 lost235

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Posted 14 October 2020 - 10:15 AM

Lately I’ve been trying to just totally and completely ignore my dp/dr and act how I think I did before all this. It’s worked ok-ish but I always end up feeling so much worse after. For example when I’ve been with friends for a few hours, It’ll be kind of fine but afterwards I’m hit with dp/dr like crazy. I feel as if I’ve lost control of everything and the feeling of being in a dream gets increased a lot. So my question is if anyone has any tips for feeling more in control? Like trying to figure out how I feel and have more control. I’m thankful for anything honestly, because this is horrible.

#2 lost235

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Posted 14 October 2020 - 10:18 AM

Also would like to add that this feeling is not only from when I’ve ignored the dp/dr, it’s also when I’m starting to feel better. When I feel less like in a dream or not far from reality it feels like I’ve lost control of myself and the whole situation. I obviously want to get better, but when I think I do I get a sense of lost control and start to question if I actually feel better or if I just think I do.

#3 curiousmind

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Posted 14 October 2020 - 11:43 AM

How long have you had dpdr for? A gradual progression towards a more calm and consistent state of mind has been my experience over the last year since I personally fell into this ditch that we call dpdr. The beginning was the hardest, not knowing what the fuck all this was about, then I kept myself busy with university, friends, family and hobbies, and as time progressed the amount I spent worrying or even just pondering about dpdr virtually diminished. I come back on this forum once in a while to see how everyones doing, and I'l cherish my contact with 1-2 people that I've actually met to see how they are as well, if I can I'l try and help others by leaving a comment here and there, and I'm keen on reading any future research about dpdr—but thats about it. The worrying and the obsessing has not been a part of my life for the past many months now. 

 

To your question, I would say time is your friend. I know its annoying when these uncanny dpdr feelings flare up, but if you keep yourself busy then with time you will care less and less about dpdr and more and more about other shit thats going on in your life. I know you've probably heard the "time is your friend" advice like a million times, it's almost a cliché, but it's true, it has been for me. I don't know if theres a way to get rid of dpdr completely, but I am certain that you will be able to refocus your attention to things that you value in life, and regain that sense of subjective control and confidence by doing shit that you normally would. It will just take time. 



#4 lost235

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Posted 14 October 2020 - 12:22 PM

How long have you had dpdr for? A gradual progression towards a more calm and consistent state of mind has been my experience over the last year since I personally fell into this ditch that we call dpdr. The beginning was the hardest, not knowing what the fuck all this was about, then I kept myself busy with university, friends, family and hobbies, and as time progressed the amount I spent worrying or even just pondering about dpdr virtually diminished. I come back on this forum once in a while to see how everyones doing, and I'l cherish my contact with 1-2 people that I've actually met to see how they are as well, if I can I'l try and help others by leaving a comment here and there, and I'm keen on reading any future research about dpdr—but thats about it. The worrying and the obsessing has not been a part of my life for the past many months now.

To your question, I would say time is your friend. I know its annoying when these uncanny dpdr feelings flare up, but if you keep yourself busy then with time you will care less and less about dpdr and more and more about other shit thats going on in your life. I know you've probably heard the "time is your friend" advice like a million times, it's almost a cliché, but it's true, it has been for me. I don't know if theres a way to get rid of dpdr completely, but I am certain that you will be able to refocus your attention to things that you value in life, and regain that sense of subjective control and confidence by doing shit that you normally would. It will just take time.


Hey! Thanks for the response.
I’m 17 and have had dpdr since July, so about 3,5 months. It’s not gone better yet for me, it comes and goes, some days are better some are unbearable. I want to be able to distract myself by doing things, but as I said it ends up making it a bit worse, at least for the day. Should I keep doing these things anyways? And just ignore the scary feeling of losing control? If it helps I’ll make sure to go on as usual! I don’t know if 3,5 months is a long time for not making much progress, but I guess I’ll keep on waiting for it to get better. I’m having a hard time accepting that this might never go away, it seems like a pretty shitty life to live. But I believe you if you say it gets better with time! It’s definitely inspiring and amazing that you still go on here to help people, really nice! If you don’t mind me asking, how much would you say it affects you today? From like a scale from 1-10? If it’s even possible to go from a 1 to a 5 I’ll take it! How are you feeling? :)

#5 curiousmind

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Posted 14 October 2020 - 01:06 PM

Hey! Thanks for the response.
I’m 17 and have had dpdr since July, so about 3,5 months. It’s not gone better yet for me, it comes and goes, some days are better some are unbearable. I want to be able to distract myself by doing things, but as I said it ends up making it a bit worse, at least for the day. Should I keep doing these things anyways? And just ignore the scary feeling of losing control? If it helps I’ll make sure to go on as usual! I don’t know if 3,5 months is a long time for not making much progress, but I guess I’ll keep on waiting for it to get better. I’m having a hard time accepting that this might never go away, it seems like a pretty shitty life to live. But I believe you if you say it gets better with time! It’s definitely inspiring and amazing that you still go on here to help people, really nice! If you don’t mind me asking, how much would you say it affects you today? From like a scale from 1-10? If it’s even possible to go from a 1 to a 5 I’ll take it! How are you feeling? smile.png

 

No worries :) Yeah, I suppose it's not so much ignoring it, but being okay with these feelings of dpdr whilst getting on with the goals you have in life. I do assume that before dpdr kicked in for ya you had goals and aspirations and ambitions. The idea is: don't let having dpdr hold you back from those ambitions, pursue them everyday, if you want, and in the process you will even forget that you "have" dpdr. I say "if you want", because at the same time it's not like you should force doing anything just for the sake of you thinking it will make you feel better. Doing things with the fundamental premise that that act or task will in some way "cure you" is not going to work. Recovery is a gradual process so just do what feels right, and with time you will stope caring about dpdr. Since you've asked how I am feeling: I am currently in that "stopped caring" phase, and I am at the most liberated and happy I've felt this past year. Many people I have talked to among those who've recovered told me that they also went through a "stopped caring phase". My hunch is that recovery can only really happen once you have been able to convince yourself that everything is ultimately okay, everything's the same and that you have not fundamentally changed. With this acceptance your brain is able to enter a calm and liberated state of mind in which it can now heal. I don't know if I could quantify for you on a scale how I am feeling, I'd probably give you a rather arbitrary number, but I can tell you with confidence that the improvement in my state of mind has been profound, which causes me to be optimistic about the future!






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