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Feel like my life didnt actually happen?


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#1 Fae

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Posted 05 September 2020 - 05:04 AM

I don't know how this is a real experience i am having, its absolutely nuts. Its really hard to put into words because its just so much more profound than words can do it justice.
Basically, i got up to walk to my kitchen, already super anxious about just existing. I looked around and suddenly i just couldn't believe this was the house i was living in, that I've lived in for over a year. Like it just wasn't real what was happening. I looked at everything and froze because i couldn't tell if this whole narrative and scene is actually taking place. Then it escalated within like 10 seconds, i then thought that about my WHOLE LIFE. Like, how is any of this real? This all feels non existent...has anyone else experienced that? How is this a possible feeling to have???



#2 Fae

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Posted 05 September 2020 - 05:11 AM

Im so scared and anxious all the time, i feel like ill always be like this and that i SHOULD feel anxious because i just dont understand anything anymore, it feels like a real problem that i or anything exists? Ive been like this for a long time now, im starting to believe this stuff is a real problem since its so profound of a feeling? Im just so stuck on it, it wont leave.

#3 Absent

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Posted 05 September 2020 - 08:09 AM

Hello Fae,
You are right that DPD is more profound than people appreciate (unless they find themselves in primary DPRD also). All credit to you for getting through this time.

 

I am not ‘in on' my own life, in terms of feeling present through space and time. My body, location, actions and memories are all unfamiliar and seem not ‘actual’. BUT [as you know] it is the experience that is rejected in DPD and the fact of existence is still intact. DPD is horrible and for me it can sometimes be so severe it is as though nothing really exists, but it certainly does, albeit hidden behind the DPD divide. I have learnt to notice what DPD does but not to be scared of it, despite the profundity.

 

DPD denies that I am in the here and now, and it does the same to the past. I find it is an agony to not feel present across time and not to experience that I was in the world. BUT all the truth of it is there behind DP. I find it a comfort to know that and better not to question reality. I proceed like that. It is pragmatic and I grieve for time but I find it minimises damage and gets me to a better place for recovery. I hope you get some relief soon, I find times when DP is at least less intense.



#4 leminaseri

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Posted 05 September 2020 - 08:50 AM

Hello Fae,
You are right that DPD is more profound than people appreciate (unless they find themselves in primary DPRD also). All credit to you for getting through this time.

I am not ‘in on' my own life, in terms of feeling present through space and time. My body, location, actions and memories are all unfamiliar and seem not ‘actual’. BUT [as you know] it is the experience that is rejected in DPD and the fact of existence is still intact. DPD is horrible and for me it can sometimes be so severe it is as though nothing really exists, but it certainly does, albeit hidden behind the DPD divide. I have learnt to notice what DPD does but not to be scared of it, despite the profundity.

DPD denies that I am in the here and now, and it does the same to the past. I find it is an agony to not feel present across time and not to experience that I was in the world. BUT all the truth of it is there behind DP. I find it a comfort to know that and better not to question reality. I proceed like that. It is pragmatic and I grieve for time but I find it minimises damage and gets me to a better place for recovery. I hope you get some relief soon, I find times when DP is at least less intense.


so this means primary dpdr is not curable?

#5 Absent

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Posted 05 September 2020 - 09:22 AM

No, I did not mean that. I am absolutely certain that DPRD is reversible and that treatments will improve. My post was to say that all is not lost to me and that even though DPRD pushes away 'realness', existence and reality are true. I was sharing something of how I manage the crud, to get to a better place for the recovery I expect to achieve. The existence DP obscures will be revealed to me when I emerge from DPRD because it is true. Meanwhile, diffusing existential anxiety and reality doubts, helps me to reach a less tangled state, one from which DPRD itself is more liable to be usurped. Hope that makes sense. 



#6 Jason39

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Posted 06 September 2020 - 10:09 PM

29 years since it started and while I had periods where it was mild, there is no light in this tunnel



#7 Saibon

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Posted 07 September 2020 - 12:18 AM

At what age it started for you Jason?

#8 Jason39

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Posted 07 September 2020 - 08:18 PM

At what age it started for you Jason?

12






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