SHOULD I DO MARRIE WITH DPDR? - Discussion - Depersonalization Community

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SHOULD I DO MARRIE WITH DPDR?


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#1 leminaseri

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Posted 26 August 2020 - 03:33 PM

Hey guys, its me again.

 

I want to share with you brave guys one thing, I have a very beautiful relationship (except the issues of my dpdr but thats not affecting that much.) And i love my girlfriend despite my disorder and even despite she is being like a stranger for me. And she loves me also. And we want to marrie because in the turkish culture the parents dont allow to get together without marriage. The financial aspects are not a problem because i can go work despite all my symptoms. i have to force me a little bit to it but i think everybody who goes to work does this. very few people loves it to work :D. i can go with my girlfriend to every location or city we want and we can do everything together. but im still depersonalized and derealized. sometimes im being very deep in my head, and can not give her much attention but she understands this.

 

the first reason, why i was able to coming to a level where i can go work and everything else is, my anxiety level had decreased. the second thing is, this is my second time i get dpdr. and the less my anxiety was, the more i could do things in life. (i had gotten first time dpdr at 2011. i had suffered about 3 years until i was recovered but this time its much more severe and i have new symptoms like distorted perception of sounds and noises and time.)

 

but im a little bit afraid of all the things like wedding and getting kids. im not completely numb but my emotions are very strong damped. so i think i will have a

wedding and i will feel not much. or when ill get a kid, and i take my baby in my arms i dont want to think "oh my god why my feelings are damped". 

 

since the first day, 9 months ago i relapsed with dpdr, the only thought in my head what had motivated me to be active in live was her. and shes still the reason for the most of my motivation. and im not using her to compensate my weekbeing. i know how much she loves me and she accepts me how i am. im able to work for our goals in the future. so it would be optimal if i can give her a good life despite my dpdr.

 

and the absolute nice thing would be, if i do it to recover. 

 

that was my thoughts guys. im really unsure. what are your opinions?



#2 Saibon

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Posted 26 August 2020 - 03:45 PM

Yeah, by your description, you should marry her asap, even if u think you are being selfish.

#3 leminaseri

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Posted 26 August 2020 - 04:12 PM

Yeah, by your description, you should marry her asap, even if u think you are being selfish.


thank you for replying.
im tending to do it. because i love her very much.

#4 Saibon

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Posted 26 August 2020 - 04:48 PM

Remember, live to just please yourself, no matter you should be your first priority, though you don't need to endorse it in front of anyone but keep that in mind.

#5 WreckingHotelRooms

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Posted 27 August 2020 - 09:22 AM

Do not see the issue at all. Everyone has flaws, she know's.... who knows what break throughs you will have and sounds like you hold your own as it is now anyway! 

 

She wants to Marry you.. You wanna Marry her.. I see no issue. Kids can add stress etc, I wouldn't personally run into that one... but a different topic for another day



#6 leminaseri

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Posted 27 August 2020 - 09:50 AM

Do not see the issue at all. Everyone has flaws, she know's.... who knows what break throughs you will have and sounds like you hold your own as it is now anyway!

She wants to Marry you.. You wanna Marry her.. I see no issue. Kids can add stress etc, I wouldn't personally run into that one... but a different topic for another day


the issue is how would affect dpdr my marriage and having kids.

#7 SJ00

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Posted 27 August 2020 - 10:33 AM

the issue is how would affect dpdr my marriage and having kids.


It honestly depends I reckon, because if you feel like your condition is manageable to the point where you think you can handle the every day stressors of having a wife/kids on top of what you go through, then sure go ahead. It really depends on how you feel on a day to day basis, some people could probably manage it very well but everyone’s different. It’s up to you after all.

#8 Emptyflask

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Posted 03 September 2020 - 03:28 PM

Marriage may be managable but reeeeeally consider what children bring to the table. Children need lots of attention and add alot more stress than you might think. And they do pick up on stuff like emotional availability alot more than people realize.

#9 leminaseri

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Posted 03 September 2020 - 03:53 PM

Marriage may be managable but reeeeeally consider what children bring to the table. Children need lots of attention and add alot more stress than you might think. And they do pick up on stuff like emotional availability alot more than people realize.


thanks for your reply pal.. i think maybe it would be healy for me to distract me fully from my dpdr thoughts you know.. maybe that emotional bond with my kids would help me i dont know

#10 forestx5

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Posted 03 September 2020 - 07:25 PM

I like Saibon's advice and I'm thinking of the wedding vow that says "love is never selfish, love is never this or that", and I'm thinking, yeah....right...  LOL

If you and your wife have children, she will make a life with the kids and she'll be just fine, whether you are deep in dp/dr or not.    So I guess you have to ask yourself whether you are happy in that reality,

I had a difficult time helping raise my daughter.  My wife worked days and I worked evenings, so I had my daughter 8 hours from waking till 3pm.  There were times it was very distressing for me

to cope with my symptoms and be responsible for oversight of a baby, a toddler, and a young child going forward.  I managed it, but it was not very enjoyable at times.  Today she is a beautiful

college sophomore, I don't have my illness or symptoms anymore,  and it all seems to have been worth it.



#11 leminaseri

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Posted 03 September 2020 - 07:45 PM

I like Saibon's advice and I'm thinking of the wedding vow that says "love is never selfish, love is never this or that", and I'm thinking, yeah....right... LOL
If you and your wife have children, she will make a life with the kids and she'll be just fine, whether you are deep in dp/dr or not. So I guess you have to ask yourself whether you are happy in that reality,
I had a difficult time helping raise my daughter. My wife worked days and I worked evenings, so I had my daughter 8 hours from waking till 3pm. There were times it was very distressing for me
to cope with my symptoms and be responsible for oversight of a baby, a toddler, and a young child going forward. I managed it, but it was not very enjoyable at times. Today she is a beautiful
college sophomore, I don't have my illness or symptoms anymore, and it all seems to have been worth it.


im really happy for your „happy end“ :) the last news are not that good. she wants only to marrie me if ill get better with my symptoms.. i dont know

#12 Saibon

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Posted 03 September 2020 - 11:35 PM

Lol, yeah, that makes sense, bud... everyone is selfish, just learn it, you just have to look for yourself. Again..."make yourself your no 1 priority" just don't pretend...i am telling you because I don't know u in real life, otherwise, I wouldn't have said that 😅




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