Hey guys, its me again.
I want to share with you brave guys one thing, I have a very beautiful relationship (except the issues of my dpdr but thats not affecting that much.) And i love my girlfriend despite my disorder and even despite she is being like a stranger for me. And she loves me also. And we want to marrie because in the turkish culture the parents dont allow to get together without marriage. The financial aspects are not a problem because i can go work despite all my symptoms. i have to force me a little bit to it but i think everybody who goes to work does this. very few people loves it to work . i can go with my girlfriend to every location or city we want and we can do everything together. but im still depersonalized and derealized. sometimes im being very deep in my head, and can not give her much attention but she understands this.
the first reason, why i was able to coming to a level where i can go work and everything else is, my anxiety level had decreased. the second thing is, this is my second time i get dpdr. and the less my anxiety was, the more i could do things in life. (i had gotten first time dpdr at 2011. i had suffered about 3 years until i was recovered but this time its much more severe and i have new symptoms like distorted perception of sounds and noises and time.)
but im a little bit afraid of all the things like wedding and getting kids. im not completely numb but my emotions are very strong damped. so i think i will have a
wedding and i will feel not much. or when ill get a kid, and i take my baby in my arms i dont want to think "oh my god why my feelings are damped".
since the first day, 9 months ago i relapsed with dpdr, the only thought in my head what had motivated me to be active in live was her. and shes still the reason for the most of my motivation. and im not using her to compensate my weekbeing. i know how much she loves me and she accepts me how i am. im able to work for our goals in the future. so it would be optimal if i can give her a good life despite my dpdr.
and the absolute nice thing would be, if i do it to recover.
that was my thoughts guys. im really unsure. what are your opinions?