star_cheese's Blog

You guys know how big life events can encourage a DP episode. It happened. My son turned one today, and the past week have been keeping away and avoiding some feelings.
When I am in public, I struggle not to feel people. There have been many outings lately due to the nicer weather. I put up an invisible wall to protect myself. After I got home it struck...

Movie theaters are a lot different from a year ago, or whenever it was the last time I went. There is 1 person to take your payment for tickets, all the rest are machines. That was weird. I feel like I don't have much of a place in the world. That's okay, I know it doesn't like me either.  I had a hard time being okay sitting there, staying there being...

When some people who are around me talk to me, I have trouble with responding. My body will become numb, as if for some reason part of me thought it couldn't be here anymore. The days can be so dark, crooked, cold. I'm glad yesterday is gone  My dreams are worse and the recurring dream is back. It's me in a giant warehouse or convention hall....

Some cycle was instituted when I lived 2 houses down from a lady and her boyfriend. I was 14 when the grooming conversational talk started. He was 26, and told me to feel comfortable, like I could trust him and kiss him when ever I felt like it. He would become a repetitive person interfering throughout my life.
From an even earlier age, my emotions...

When it happens, I can't feel hunger, anger, sadness, hope, or joy. I feel completely set apart and disconnected, removed.  Yesterday I had to make a stop at a friend of mine's house while I was in the area. I needed to feed my baby and I live 25 minutes away. They recently moved to a house one street over in a similar structured home. It QUICKLY...

Without telling the internet my life story, it's difficult to explain how, or why even I am the way I am. Needless to say, I still carry the experiences with me. They have effected almost every aspect of my life, life choices, major life events, etc...
As I grew up, out and away from the traumas, it was never talked about by my caregivers or even...