felixthecat's Blog

i think im about to get fired and its too much for me to handle

its like im good for a day then im not im nauseous constantly from the overwhelming weight of everything on me i just want to feel normal again i want to be how i used to

its so bizarre feeling okay and then once i realize i feel okay i dont anymore because i'm then thinking too much into how i feel okay and why, i'm in a constant state of worry that everything is going to get too bad again like it did that day with the antidepressant i was put on

today has just been one long day of dissociating and im tired and cant take it

it feels like im getting closer to being normal again. at least today. but the feeling of not knowing how im gonna feel tomorrow is horrifying. will it be okay? will it be the worst day? the unsure feeling drives me crazy.

one of the worst things for me is trying to fall asleep. I cant do it. i'll get to the point where I can feel myself drifting off and I snap myself awake because I become too aware of the fact that Im actively trying to sleep. once I actually fall asleep, i'm good, but it takes me forever. the only thing that helps is if I drink, because at least then I can...

It's weird, today actually feels sort of normal. Occasionally im getting existential terror thoughts but they're not lasting for hours. I don't feel like I'm spiraling down today. I slept great, I'm eating fine today, and it's the first time in a month I've felt any sort of normalcy in my life. I hope this lasts. It's depressing to know that it probably...

Hangovers seem to be when the dp is at its worst for me. I know drinking can make these feelings of dp worse, but for me drinking makes it better. Makes me feel looser, like any weights i have on me are gone. its the hangovers that are the worst part. any feeling of nausea immediately gives me anxiety, and as we all know the dp normally stems from anxiety....

Every day feels the same and every day feels different. Like when i wake up i have to remember who i am and what im doing. im constantly overwhelmed by my emotions and what im feeling yet somehow underwhelmed by everything going on around me at the same time. it all feels very, very hopeless and pointless. I want to try and do this as a daily journal sort...