No childhood memories?
Posted 25 April 2006 - 06:04 PM
Posted 25 April 2006 - 06:24 PM
I'm not sure how to unlock memories, but I do know sometimes they come back to me in dreams or just randomly pop into my head. It's a mystery as to how the brain works regarding memory.
Posted 25 April 2006 - 06:25 PM
Posted 25 April 2006 - 09:14 PM
I wouldn't worry about it.
EDIT: I also wanted to say it is probably not productive to 'unlock' memories - there is no evidence that supressed memories even exist, and probing in to your past looking for memories can produce false memories. It's just not worthwhile.
Posted 26 April 2006 - 05:41 AM
Posted 26 April 2006 - 06:30 AM
Posted 26 April 2006 - 09:51 AM
Yeah, I've thought about the risk of creating false memories, and of course I wouldn't want to do that. It's just that most people seem to remember most of their childhood from age five or so, and I have always wondered why I can't do that. I don't know, it just feels like it would be easier to cope with whatever childhood trauma(s) I had if I could only remember them. Perhaps my biggest trauma was the feeling of being abandoned by my parents, a feeling so powerful and painful that I don't want to remember it ever again... nah, I don't know, I'm just guessing because I'm curious to find out.
Memory is a tough thing to judge. If someone said "Remember age 6" to me - I draw a completely blank - not ONE thing comes to my mind. Same if I think "Remember what my Mom and Dad were like when I was 6" - nothing but blanks.
Memory needs cues to work from - if someone says "Remember when your grandma took you on that trip to florida when you were 6" - I can then remember it - trying to just "remember" a period of your life is nearly impossible.
Posted 26 April 2006 - 12:02 PM
Posted 26 April 2006 - 01:01 PM
Matt210: My therapist said something similar to me a while ago, that we remember things from childhood by talking about them, that our parents or whoever keep them alive by bringing them up. Of course my parents never talked to me very much about anything, so I guess it's possible that my memories just faded. I try to give myself cues, but it doesn't work (go figure).
But it's funny, because I don't have many clear memories from when I was depressed either, so a few years of my life is just a blur. Not much to remember from then either, I guess.
Well, I was just curious to know if it's normal or if I'm some kind of freak.
Posted 26 April 2006 - 01:09 PM
For some reason, I have many memories aged 4-6, and 9-10, but not in between!
Wow - just out of curiosity I am wondering how you know this? How on earth can you distinguish exactly when a memory happened? I am assuming you have some sort of cues (ex. from 6-9 you lived in a different house - and you have no strong memories of being at that house? i'm just giving an example to show what i mean).
I don't understand how it is possible to know exactly when you have memories from - Maybe i'm the unusual one here - but my memories just are - I can usually guess when they are from when I recall them, but its not like my past is laid out behind me like a calender and i know when there are blanks.
Posted 26 April 2006 - 07:33 PM
book on how childhood trauma and memory/amnesia are related.
Posted 27 April 2006 - 12:12 AM
Posted 27 April 2006 - 01:17 AM
There are many roads that lead to onset of dp/dr, but this thread I think speaks to maybe one road. Maybe folks like me with no memory of childhood who maybe never were traumitized in the obvious sense never needed to suppress nasty memories. But maybe the effects of less than desirable contact with life in the family context could have the same effects as trauma. Maybe the lack of what was supposed to be there but was not could be just as harming in the road to dp land. I swear this scenario could force oneself into a prediposition ripe for the taking.
"But maybe the effects of less than desirable contact with life in the family context could have the same effects as trauma. Maybe the lack of what was supposed to be there"
And "casual" neglect is as bad as verbal abuse, or no sense of love or contact, even if there are no attacks, etc. And the experience and very definition of stress is different/unique to each individual.
Predisposition to dissociate ---> Stressor (multiple kinds) -----> over a long period of time ----> can lead to all manner of distress.
"Trauma" or stress needn't be of a particular kind to cause problems with someone. I can't speak for memory necessarily, but there's that concept of the "good enough parent" as I say. One who is neither abusive, nor overly protective, nor smothering ... I'd say a parent who gives a child a healthy balanced sense of Self, helps CREATE that sense of Self will end up with a healthier happier child.
But in Dr. Simeon's book... shoot it's loaned to my shrink... it says that verbal/mental abuse is associated more w/DP for instance than physical abuse (I think... someone correct me if that's wrong).
But also, in the case studies in the book, individuals seemed to have chronic worries/concerns that were particular to their own identies, and these concerns were chronic, long standing. I think chronicity plays a role, a lack of proper intervention, lack of being able to communicate fears/concerns..... etc.
Interesting for me is I have extremely vivid childhood memories. I always measured/remembered things -- such as school years, vacations, yes "events." But there was endless chaos in my home. And I mean from the day I was born, and yes, my mother would remind me of this and a million other things over and over. Some were true, some not, but things got stamped on my brain. Hammered into it.
I can say there was screaming and carrying on in my house almost daily until my mother threw my father out. Then she screamed at me and everyone else in her path. I in turn turned to screaming and crying back at her. Outside of that house ... I had a completely different demeanor. Pleased everyone. Everyone's best friend. And the events in the house were kept secret.
I had a solid "exterior" life, the shell. Same home for my whole life. Same small private school Pre-K through 12 (75 students in my graduating class, some I'd known for 10 years). Same friends. Same camp, a music camp for 6 summers, and at least one major vacation to a foreign country or something unusual every year
These BIG events help me recall other things. Horrible and wonderful. And I'm terribly sentimental and cling to things from the past, or in a pathological sense try to "undo them", "fix them."
Also, from early on I kept journals. I also have passports, postcards, letters that I saved. In writing my website, I pulled a lot of this "history" together. Before my father died in 1990 I tried to verify things. Etc.
For me, DP/DR has never "spared" me from anything. This is what is confusing to me. And I have it now, a bearable level I have all the time, as I type this.
Granted, when I was far sicker, when I had long, horrifying epsiodes of DP/DR (they come together for me), and I have fewer BIG episodes these days, then, well "I am dead." I can't feel anything. I "don't exist."
And this happens when my anxiety increases ... the greater my anxiety/fear of failure/fear of making a horrible mistake the worse the DP/DR.
I am very emotional. And yet I have had DP/DR since childhood. And to be honest, I couldn't say what came first as I certainly don't recall perhaps the first two years of my life. There are many photos. Many. And many memories.
Again, not 100% accurate, but not repressed.
Go figure. And here I type. I don't feel anxious. I'm tired but can't sleep ... ? And I am about 40% DP/DR. About the usual. But better and more stable a level over the past year or more.
Posted 27 April 2006 - 09:09 AM
I feel in healthy families, a parent, an extended family CREATES memories. The healthy parent encourages the child, stimulates the child in the proper ways, to that the child feels confident, feels he/she can communicate fears/concerns that will always come up.
Good memories are reinforced. "Quality time" as they say. I see good parents really participate in their kids schooling/homework, really concerned if they are concerned. Family outings or games or family dinners are important. The parent is responsible for helping build the inner core of the child to a great extent, no matter what the child's Nature is. Yes, nature will always be there, but I think in terms of anxiety, it can be better controlled (when a child grows up) if he/she had POSITIVE parenting, not just passive parenting, or obviously destructive parenting.
I think no matter what dilemma a young person faces, it causes anxiety. Stress causes anxiety. And if this anxiety isn't resolved it can fester. I guess that's a clearer sense of my theory.
But if a child is raised with active intent by the parent to provide SINCERE love and discipline and to create a sense of safety in the child, they help create a more stable sense of SELF in the child.
I would think, even an anxious child by nature would have a far better time in such a family. He/she might still get DP, or still get mental illness in the future, but I guess in my case, I know part of my problems come from my upbringing, no doubt. It was disastrous. And I see this in my one HEALTHY cousin's family .... his kids/grandkids are healthy/happy. And my other cousin's family ... her one son is miserable, the other is bipolar (which she didn't cause) -- too long a story, but comparing the two families you see health produced greater mental health in one, and dysfunction produced greater unhappiness/dysfunction in the other.
But a perfectly healthy, loving family can have a mentally ill child.
Didn't mean to hijack the thread.
As Richard Rhodes said (he had a awful childhood) something like
"A good childhood shouldn't depend on luck."
Posted 27 April 2006 - 09:43 AM
I never got the chance to develop skills for dealing with emotions either, I'm just learning that now, as an adult. It makes me sad that I missed so much when I grew up. It's like void inside. My parents don't even realise that it's important (like, the most important thing in the world) to show love and affection, and they never have. How can they NOT get that?! :evil:
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Vinnie Paz "Is Happiness Just A Word?" Track about his battle with Depersonalization.