I just dont recognize myself in the mirror anymore or feel comfortable in my own skin. i feel like the only place that is functioning is my head and I feel trapped in there to. There are definetley good days and not so good days. Today is one of those bad days and I really need someone who has recovered or is going through the same thing as me!!!!!!! I have all of the symptoms you can imagine and im 17
Tell us about your dp experience
Posted 23 December 2016 - 08:13 AM
I have been depersonalised since I was 16 and I am 30 years old now. It didn't start with any drugs, it started when I was studying for my exams and had been experiencing high levels of anxiety, our home was an anxious/tense home with parents constantly pushing me for academic success and constant arguing between themselves. I took a quick break from my studies one day to listen to music and was dancing around my room and playing along to the music with my guitar - then I experienced what could only be described as a rush. I was a good student and had no problem focusing and learning up until that moment. I had no idea what the hell happened to me and visits to the family doctor / ophthalmologist (I thought it was a problem with my eyes) and going for a CT scan provided no clues. Doctors offered SSRI' but my parents decided against them - they instead took me for holistic treatment like acupuncture and homeopathy. The acupuncture was actually very good for stress relief caused by the DP but it didnt get rid of the actual DP. I should mention that Ive never really been into drugs per se and have smoked weed a few times in university - it just made the feeling of DP worse ( i never really understood why people like it so much), I barely drink minus a single whiskey on special occasions (being 30 means hangovers are about 10000% worse than when in university) but I do smoke 1 - 2 cigarettes a day and cigars on special occasions.
My symptoms include;
1. The world looking duller than before and not feeling real. Colours were not as vibrant.
2. The room looked 'off' like it was on an angle and tilted and that things were not in the correct proportion
3. Lack of ability to focus, concentrate and learn - definitely reduced my mental ability by 60 - 75%. (I went from straight A's to fails within one year)
3.5 MENTAL ARITHMETIC - THE ABILITY TO DO SIMPLE MATHS IN MY HEAD WAS LOST
3.6 ATTENTION TO DETAIL - COMPLETELY LOST.
5. Inability to follow conversations (this really scared me and I remember watching scrubs and not actually being able to understand what was going on) - I think was probably more a byproduct of the anxiety and being wound up in 'am i going to die?' thoughts.
6. Feeling mentally drained and exhausted. the best way to describe this is; imagine opening microsoft word your first computer - it was probably slow and would work hard to open the program and the fan would constantly whir. Now imagine opening word on your current computer (opens the same thing in fraction of the time) and the computer does it easily. Well I feel like I am the old computer and everyone else is the current computer.
What I have tried;
1. Acupuncture - helped relive the anxiety caused by dp
2. Homeopathy -no help
3. Blood tests (nothing untoward found) -for allergies / deficiencies / testosterone / thyroid etc
4. CT Scans -nothing abnormal
5. Chiropractic treatment -this was just good for my body not so much my mental
6. Regular exercise - I lift weights and box to keep fit (this has saved my life as it allows you to completely not think about the DP DR for the hour you are in the gym)
7. Ketogenic dieting -felt much improved but didn't cure it and its hard to maintain
8. No sugar diet -again much improvement but didnt cure it and hard to maintain
9. I will try Harris Harringtons program over the christmas break.
1. 5 HTP -made me have weird dreams and helped me sleep deeper
2. Fish oils - no noticeable difference
3. Magnesium citrate - this was helpful, felt more mentally calm - seemed to lower my blood pressure which was already in the normal range
4. L cartinine - no difference
5. Maca root - no difference with DP but my girlfriend at the time enjoyed me being on this ...
6. St Johns wart - made me sensitive to sunlight
7. vitamin d - no effect
8. vitamin b - slight alleviation of feeling exhausted in the evening
Im now going to focus on the Psychological aspects of DP. Einsten once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results - so enough with the supplements and enough with the holistic stuff. Im going to look into CBT and have read a lot about this harris harrington site that people dont seem to like on this board. I will post updates.
- RedSky likes this
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