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Tell us about your dp experience


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#1 Guest_Janinebaker_*

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Posted 09 August 2004 - 07:47 PM

We are in the process of restoring our story section. It includes personal accounts of how our dp symptoms started, a little personal history of the journey towards recovery.

Some stories are tales in process - recovery not reached yet...

Others such as my own, are tales of total recovery.

Please tell us your own.

And check back here later in the week for some others!

Peace,
Janine

#2 Guest_john_59_*

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Posted 06 September 2004 - 12:05 AM

John, I moved your story to its own post - was afraid no one would see it here. - Janine

#3 kchendrix

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Posted 24 March 2005 - 02:07 PM

I can remember being in highschool working at a gas station and saying to a buddy ,, i just don' t feel like I'm Me.

Now I managed not to have that feeling for a long time. Until now. But now I am obsessed it seems. How to break free. I can think, I can see, I can hear I can drive, I know my name, I know my parents, I know where they live, I know my wifes name and birthday, I know my social security number... All things point to I am in reality and I know where I am . But why do I get these weird thoughts like Your not real... I am not myself.... Thoughts shouldn't scare me but they do.

They say Im not crazy but then what is this. Stuck inside my head not living like I once did with fun and sense of humor.. This grew out of anxiety and now it is as if I can't find myself....I keep hoping when I go to bed at night I will wake up and my oldself will be back. What is this stuff.

My story is I am a father, a grandfather, a friend , but I don't feel like the person I once did.. I want to get back to my life again. Where is the door, where is the key.

#4 Guest_cmac_*

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Posted 08 April 2005 - 04:30 PM

First of all, hello everyone! I'm new to this board, but boy am I glad I found it. I had no idea anyone else experienced the symptoms I felt until I discovered this site through learning about anxiety disorders. Suffice to say, I was thrilled that I am not going crazy.

I'm 23 year old male. I read the descriptions of both dp and dr, and when I read the desciption of dp I was shocked because it described my condition perfectly. I've been living with this since I've been 17, but haven't heard about dp until now.

My first experience was after I had smoked hash when I was 17. I freaked out and was scared to death. The feelings of reality being slightly askew, and things looking foreign kept up for the next few days. After that it abated a bit, but would come back every once in a while in very intense outburts. I was under stress because of the recent divorce of my parents at the time, and I think the hash triggered the dp (I had smoked marijiuana/hash many times before but nothing ever happened).

A bout of depression and anxiety last year prompted me to see a doctor, who diagnosed me with a general anxiety disorder and prescribed Celexa. I've been on them for about six months now, and they really help - I'm back to near as normal as I once was. Now knowing what I really have, I am going to talk to my doctor again and seek some kind of therapy to help.

Whoever started this board, thank you very much. I look forward to getting to know other's stories.

#5 Guest_brenton1971_*

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Posted 02 May 2005 - 04:02 AM

I am a 34 year old male who currently resides in Adelaide, South Australia. Approximately 13 years ago I went to bed stoned and woke up still experiencing the feeling of being "stoned". I have been this way ever since this time. It is very hard to describe exactly what happened and I cannot be sure that it is drug related but the best way that I can describe it is an alteration in my visual perception or derealization. I woke up and things did not look "real' or as they had when I had previously been "straight" or not affected by drugs. Throughout my late teens I had smoked a lot of dope and used hallucinogenic drugs on a few occasions. I have always been convinced that what happened to me was some type of permanent drug induced "flashback". Recently I discovered a condition called HPPD which I believe is close to what I have experienced. Although I do not exprerience classical hallucinations described in the DSM IV such as flashing lights, colours etc I believe that my "derealization' is a result of some alteration in my brain chemistry or functioning. I do not believe that it is purely psychological. As you can imagine when I woke up still "stoned" I was worried. I had the feeling that something bad had happened and knew that something was seriously wrong. The last 13 years have been extremely difficult although I have been able to function basically as per normal. As a consequence of this I developed severe anxiety and depression however. Today I still struggle with these conditions and find that I am unable to tolerate any anti depressants. These generally make me feel worse and more disassociated from reality.
I have thought about suicide on a number of occasions but have never been able to go through with it. I still find it very hard to deal with what has happened to me. Not being able to talk about it makes it even harder.
Although I have had relationships and some good friends I have not discussed what has happened to me and generally I fell very isolated. I recently spoke with a psychiatrist regarding this who was generally quite good although I still think he was not convinced that I was telling the truth. He said that he had never come across a permenant change such as I had experienced. I would be interested in hearing from anyone who has experienced anything similar to what I have described. I have not ever had any other problems with delusions or anything like this. If you were to speak to me or look at me(apart from the depression and anxiety symptoms) you would never know that there was anything wrong with me. Please get in touch with me if you are interested in discussing this. My e-mail is brenton1971@netscape.net

#6 johncav

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 03:04 PM

I'm so glad i found this site ive been living with cronic dp+dr ever since i was 12 years old it never left im 45 years old now i grew up in an alcoholic
family my mother was alcoholic and seconals and speed something i followed right from age 12 there were lots of fight between my parents and i used every drug there was well enough of that! somewhere around the age of 12 i remember laying on my bed after school one day in the spring and all of a sudden i felt like i ingested something that made me stoned everything looked unreal like i was dreaming it has never left at times its a little better but never leaves i blamed it on the pot i smoked some time before maybe weeks before. feeling very ashamed frightened and scared and also lonely. years went by and many physiciatrists later im just now telling them about the dp+dr im always like daydreaming and very hard to conentrate on anything im on zoloft and celexa im able to function but the zoloft seems to make the dp+dr worse any body have any suggestions. so happy we have a name for this terrible symptom.
john :( :( :(

#7 Guest_jraffett14_*

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Posted 16 June 2005 - 03:34 PM

Hi. I was just wondering if anyone else has similar fears to me. It's probably easiest to explain this by telling my story about yesterday...

I was on a trip to the Outer Banks with my family and I constantly have these feelings, thoughts, and fears about reality. I'll become worried that I'm living in an alternate reality, and then I'll become hypersensitive. I'll hear every word that I say. Then I'll want to know why I said every word that I said. If I move my leg 20 inches to the right I want to know why I did that. If I run my hand through my hair I'll want to know why I did that. It's a constant obsession of whether I have control over myself or not. And I think that's what causes me to almost feel displaced from reality. Moreover, I'll get wierd thoughts, like related to my vision. For example, I'll feel uncomfortable about whether what I'm seeing is real. This will sound wierd too but I'll feel uncomfortable that someone could just pull the plug on me any minute, like in the Matrix. I feel like I'm becoming afraid of everything. Strangely, there are times when nothing bothers me at all. Lastly, sometimes I feel like my head is a broken record. I'll get a random thought (whether it's harmful or not), and I feel like it reverberates inside of my head. It feels like it's a bunch of noise in the background. I can't even watch TV without having my mind racing a million miles a minute. Last nite, when I tried to lay down in bed, I constantly had all of this background noise in my head. It was like my own mind shouting at me, yelling random things. This noise never comes from anywhere but myself, although I do fear that one day my condition will migrate into something worse than it is. I had to take a klonopin, which was the first time I've done that in a long time. I just wanted to know if anyone had feelings or thoughts like this. It's been a rough couple of weeks.

Also, sometimes shapes and things will look real wierd to me. Stuff like that. Like things that I have been familiar with for the past 20 years all of a sudden seem bizarre.

- Afrika

#8 danjames4

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Posted 22 June 2005 - 02:15 PM

I'm 17, It all started about a year and a half ago when I smoked a lot of pot and felt really messed up like tingly down my back twitching a bunch, I felt a bit weird the next day but it got better. I think about 3 months passed until I was at a rep rugby game and during the game i felt really, really messed up, went away that night, the next morning I woke up feeling so messed up, and then like 20 mins later that morning I had a panic attack(A bad one) where I had to get out ,my whole body went numb, so my gf called my parents at work and my mom came to get me and i Seriosly thought i was dieing on the way. Got to the clinic saw a random doc who didnt think much of everything(asshole) he gave me paxil and sent me home, from then till now i've been messed up with not much hope or relief so mabe if anyone could possibly give me tips it would help, thx alot Dan

#9 Guest_alessa_*

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Posted 24 July 2005 - 09:02 PM

My episodes can start for no reason at all. I start to feel like I am watching everything around me but I don't actually exist. I can still talk and respond but I am on"auto pilot", I am not actually hearing what anyone is saying to me. I want to cry but can't because I feel frozen, trancy and mentally numb. Everything takes on a spooky dreamlike quality and it lasts about 5-10 minutes. Sometimes it starts with a feeling of deja vu. I feel an overwhelming sense of impending doom or danger that I am helpless to stop and my chest feels like it might explode. Just writing about this makes me uptight, it's awful.

#10 Guest_alessa_*

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Posted 24 July 2005 - 09:15 PM

I just wanted to add that I have a similar symptom to what jraffet14 said, occasionally when I go to sleep at night (when I CAN sleep) a random phrase (it might be something i heard or said earlier in the day) will keep running thru my mind all nite, like a broken record or a tape rewinding , I cannot stop it. It doesn't happen often and doesn't always accompany panic attacks or dp. I am glad to know I am not the only one experiencing this.
Alessa

#11 Guest_tkennedy_*

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Posted 22 August 2005 - 09:17 AM

Hello, new poster here.
I experienced something almost identical to brenton1971 about 8 months ago, I had previously had a very bad experience with hallucinegenic mushrooms a couple of months prior to that. During that period of my life I was compulsively smoking marijuana and was very depressed following the end of a two year relationship which I felt extremely guilty about.

During these 'attacks' I was convinced I was in hell and had very strong suicidal urges. Since the last attack I have noticed a permanent seeming change in my perception and a sense of being 'behind my movements', a sense that everything has already taken place. I can also totally identify with the symptoms alessa and jraffett14 have experienced, I can notice a greater heightening of the sensations when I am stressed.

#12 LISA NICHOLS

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Posted 22 September 2005 - 06:06 AM

HI IM LISA I HAVE SUFFERED FROM (AND STILL DO) DP/DR. IT STARTED AT A VERY EARLY AGE I BELIEVE I WAS ABOUT 6.. I TRY AND THINK BACK TO IT BUT ITS A BIG BLUR I DO REMEMBER IT BEING EXTREAMLY TRAUMATIC AND I HONESTLY DONT WANT TO REMMEBER IT INCASE I GO BACK TO THAT CONSTANT "WEIRD WORLD"
MY PARENTS (BLESS THEM) DIDNT HAVE A CLUE AS TO WHY I WERE THE WAY I WAS AND GOING TO NUMEROUS DOCTORS, SHRINKS, ETC AND BEING TOLD YOUR CHILD IS FINE AND A ATTENTION SEEKER WELL OBVIOUSLY THEY BELIEVED THE PROFESSIONALS DIDNT THEY
BUT AFTER MANY MANY YEARS OFF SEEING ME GO THROUGH IT THEY DO BELIEVE I HAVE IT. MY DAD HAS EVEN BOUGHT ME A COMPUTER A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO AS HE SAID HIM AND MY MUM CANT BE THERE FOR ME SO HE THOUGHT MAYBE SOMETHING ON THE INTERNET WOULD HELP AND THATS WHERE I CAME ACROSS THIS FORUM. I WAS AMAZED AND RELIEVED TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE LIKE MYSELF GOING THROUGH THIS DR/DP HELL
I HAVE THE DP/DR DAILY AND SOMETIMES ITS BAREABLE OTHERTIMES I TOTAL FRAK OUT (THATS EMBARESSING) I HAVE A 7 YEAR OLD SON WHO HAS GROWN UP AROUND MY ATTACKS I FEEL AS GUILTY AS HELL AND DONT WANT TO EFFECT HIM IN ANYWY BUT PEOPLE SAY I HAVE DONE A FANTASTIC JOB I AM PROUD OF MY SON HE IS MY ROCK THROUGH THIS INFACT IF IT WERNT FOR HIM I BELIEVE I WOULD BE DEAD NOW
I HAVE RECENTLY MET A MAN AND WE HAVE STARTED SEEING EACH OTHER THE FIRST NIGHT WE MET I HAD NUMEROUS "WEIRD ATTACKS" I DIDNT TELL HIM BUT HE KNEW I WAS BUT HE TOLD ME HE LOVES ME FOR ME AND WILL BE THERE THROUGH GOOD AND BAD UNLIKE OTHER EX'S WHO CLASS ME AS A LOONEY!!!!
IM SO HAPPY AT THE MOMENT YES I STILL SUFFER BUT YES I AM STILL FIGHTING !!!!!! XXXXX



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