Hello,
My name is Scarlett and I recently decided to create an account on here after battling this horrible bitch called derealization/depersonalization in what I believe is its most horrific form.
A little backstory,
I have been battling DP/DR on and off (mostly off) for about 9 years. Like many people on this site mine was marijuana induced. The first two times I went through it the feeling disappeared rather quickly the longest onset being about two weeks. In May of 2013 I got hit by a truck and as the months went by I developed PTSD to the extent where I did not want to cross the street and panicked every time I was next to a semi. Due to PTSD I had my third bout of derealization and decided to seek therapy and with CBT and commitment I overcame DR/DP for the third time!
The following almost three years were great, I experienced little to no anxiety and the DR/DP was not even a factor in my life. Fast forward to March 2017, I am sitting in my bed eating breakfast and I suddenly start to feel extremely dizzy for no reason. I didn't think much of it at first but I couldn't help but rely on Doctor Google for answers and of course I am basically dying. I started to think I was having or was going to have stroke or heart attack or something. I eventually ended up at my GP and he told me it was just vertigo and nothing more and naturally he prescribed me something for the dizziness and sent me on my way.
I should have been relieved to hear that there is inherently nothing wrong with me but for some reason I just couldn't accept it. So my thoughts kept racing and racing and couldn't shake off this idea that I was having a stroke. Eventually my DP/DR got extremely worse, worse than anything I had ever experienced. I decided that since I am physically well (blood work done), I should see a psychologist. Currently I am still looking for a better because the ones I have seen have virtually been of no help because they know nothing of DP/DR. I have had a psychiatric evaluation and was basically diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder with some OCD traits mostly obsessive if not entirely.
The reason I am writing this is because this particular round of DP/DR is so different that I would like to know if anyone out there can relate to my symptoms. I honestly feel like I have the worst case of it and that I will never recover which is sad because I have in a sense recovered three times but it just has never been this severe. My symptoms are as follows
- Altered perception of self and surroundings
- Lack of appetite
- Hard time staying asleep
- Extremely vivid dreams
- Existential thoughts (These are the scariest because my brain tricks me into thinking none of this is real and I am afraid to actually believe it)
- Brain Fog
- Memory loss (I can recall facts and can still remember things from my past I just feel like they didn't actually happen)
- Mental Darkness (As in I can't really visualize memories or my surroundings, even my home!)
- Familiar faces seem unfamiliar (I know who they are I just feel like I don't know them)
- Light sensitivity
- Fear of psychosis
- Hopelessness
- I feel like I don't exist and nothing is real
-Fear of developing Dissociative Identity Disorder/Schizophrenia
While I logically know I can't prevent negativity I beg you guys to please keep negative comments to yourself, I am really just trying to find a silver lining in all of this. Hopefully someone who has experienced my symptoms and has recovered comes across this post and offers up some advice. I am really just trying to stay positive and hopeful through all of this. Also please, PLEASE, PLEASE! Don't recommend medications. I understand if they work for you but they do not work for everyone, me being one. I hope everyone can be respectful of this post as I, much like everyone on this forum is coming from a place of hurt just seeking answers and hope.
Thanks.
My name is Scarlett and I recently decided to create an account on here after battling this horrible bitch called derealization/depersonalization in what I believe is its most horrific form.
A little backstory,
I have been battling DP/DR on and off (mostly off) for about 9 years. Like many people on this site mine was marijuana induced. The first two times I went through it the feeling disappeared rather quickly the longest onset being about two weeks. In May of 2013 I got hit by a truck and as the months went by I developed PTSD to the extent where I did not want to cross the street and panicked every time I was next to a semi. Due to PTSD I had my third bout of derealization and decided to seek therapy and with CBT and commitment I overcame DR/DP for the third time!
The following almost three years were great, I experienced little to no anxiety and the DR/DP was not even a factor in my life. Fast forward to March 2017, I am sitting in my bed eating breakfast and I suddenly start to feel extremely dizzy for no reason. I didn't think much of it at first but I couldn't help but rely on Doctor Google for answers and of course I am basically dying. I started to think I was having or was going to have stroke or heart attack or something. I eventually ended up at my GP and he told me it was just vertigo and nothing more and naturally he prescribed me something for the dizziness and sent me on my way.
I should have been relieved to hear that there is inherently nothing wrong with me but for some reason I just couldn't accept it. So my thoughts kept racing and racing and couldn't shake off this idea that I was having a stroke. Eventually my DP/DR got extremely worse, worse than anything I had ever experienced. I decided that since I am physically well (blood work done), I should see a psychologist. Currently I am still looking for a better because the ones I have seen have virtually been of no help because they know nothing of DP/DR. I have had a psychiatric evaluation and was basically diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder with some OCD traits mostly obsessive if not entirely.
The reason I am writing this is because this particular round of DP/DR is so different that I would like to know if anyone out there can relate to my symptoms. I honestly feel like I have the worst case of it and that I will never recover which is sad because I have in a sense recovered three times but it just has never been this severe. My symptoms are as follows
- Altered perception of self and surroundings
- Lack of appetite
- Hard time staying asleep
- Extremely vivid dreams
- Existential thoughts (These are the scariest because my brain tricks me into thinking none of this is real and I am afraid to actually believe it)
- Brain Fog
- Memory loss (I can recall facts and can still remember things from my past I just feel like they didn't actually happen)
- Mental Darkness (As in I can't really visualize memories or my surroundings, even my home!)
- Familiar faces seem unfamiliar (I know who they are I just feel like I don't know them)
- Light sensitivity
- Fear of psychosis
- Hopelessness
- I feel like I don't exist and nothing is real
-Fear of developing Dissociative Identity Disorder/Schizophrenia
While I logically know I can't prevent negativity I beg you guys to please keep negative comments to yourself, I am really just trying to find a silver lining in all of this. Hopefully someone who has experienced my symptoms and has recovered comes across this post and offers up some advice. I am really just trying to stay positive and hopeful through all of this. Also please, PLEASE, PLEASE! Don't recommend medications. I understand if they work for you but they do not work for everyone, me being one. I hope everyone can be respectful of this post as I, much like everyone on this forum is coming from a place of hurt just seeking answers and hope.
Thanks.