Hey guys, I just read a blog post elsewhere that hit home for me. I will be trying it as a technique daily and see if it helps with any of my symptoms.
Anyway, I believe that a PART of my DP is the fact that I cannot give it freedom. I guess I see it as a form of madness. Socially we are taught that madness and being 'mental' is not socially accepted, there are special places for those that fully 'lose their minds', most commonly called 'the nut house'. Every second, every day, for 13 long long years I have experienced DP/DR. And because of this ingrained belief I have not given my symptoms any freedom. I speed up and look for an answer, 'the cure' to save me from this madness. That hasn't stopped. Not once. Not for one moment. In 13 years.
When I think about that it makes me really sad. Sad that because of what society teaches us that we believe we are no longer accepted. We have to fix this thing and fit back into the boundaries of 'normal'. Even when I have sat down to relax I can never fully relax because of the symptoms staring me in the face.
But what if those symptoms staring you in the face are a sign of what is WRONG with society? What if they are screaming at you what is wrong with our belief system? That it is part of our taught belief that we avoid 'crazy' people and lock them away? That we don't give them time, space, freedom or compassion?
I've really honestly and deeply been asking myself these questions the last 2 days. And the answer my mind currently gives me is upsetting, but is fading. And once I see the upset those beliefs and thoughts give me, I can come back to giving freedom to it all. Freedom to go crazy. Freedom for madness. Freedom for depersonalization. Freedom for derealization. Freedom for depression, anxiety, sadness, tears, anger. I've spent many years in a state of mind the direct opposite to this. I believe part of the answer for me at least is being able to give myself some freedom and stop running. Slow down and look at what you experience. Then ask yourself what core belief you hold that could be making things worse?
I have made up a model in my head of the suffering I have. A wheel where on the outside of the wheel are thoughts, then more towards the centre is beliefs, then emotions right next to the core. Then at the core there is a cog that spins the whole thing. I imagine that I can feel that cog at the centre of my whole current experience and that I can slow it down. Underneath all the thoughts and emotions I can calm down this wheel that has been spinning faster and faster into a state of exhaustion causing my symptoms. But if I drop all the thoughts and beliefs and focus on calming down the centre it seems to bring some relief. Some unease as well as I'm not used to it and nobody likes change. But I can calm this thing down slightly. Hopefully with practice there will be a major shift, who knows? I know that carrying on the way I have been is unsustainable though.
This is the blog post I read: http://joeylott.com/freedom-from-what/