I went out for dinner last night with a friend and hard a hard time concentrating. I think that I did a convincing job but if anything that's what makes it worse doesn't it. The thought that he is normal and I am not. I have really felt my intelligence going down and that's a horrible scary thing. Jealousy plays a part in that as well - I see people on my faebook account peopleple I went to school with winning awards, publishing journals, becoming doctors, lawyers etc.
Part of what I was trying to say earlier is that my life has gone completely fucking backwards and downhill from 21 to 24 (now). There was an initial upwards period of about 6/7 months and then I became stagnant.
I took a 1mg lorazepam last night. I did not help me to sleep deeper but increase the amount of time I spent in bed. It just makes you not even think about getting up before 8AM in my experience.
I had nightmares where such people were mocking me, laughing at me, and taking the piss.
It also felt like I had an intensely negative pall of psychological PAIN inside me. I have heard people talking of processing emotional pain. What do people mean by this? What do I need to do about this? I know that int he past I have pushed psychological pain away by going on youtube, distraction and pushing away with thoughts.
So I tried not to do that and face the pain. But is that enough? Are there exercises that I should be doing by myself? Or is that dagenrous to do by myself?
Idealyl I would have a professional to talk to about this!! I can feel the emotions right now come up as I write this.