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#1 fred6

fred6

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Posted 03 January 2017 - 09:07 PM

Hi everyone,

 

I've been reading a lot about derealisation lately, but nothing I've read quite matches up with what I have been experiencing so I found this forum and would like to discuss my issue as it seems to be a growing problem. First I will tell you a bit about how it started to get a bit of a picture...

 

Nearly 6 years ago (in April 2010) I had a bad skiing crash, which I have no memory of at all. From what I've been told by my family, I basically hit some ice whilst going a bit fast and went flying off the piste onto some rocks. Luckily people nearby saw and an air ambulance came quickly and took me to hospital. I was then put into an induced coma for around 20 hours, and kept in intensive care for a while. Then about a week later I start coming back to consciousness (the first thing I remember is eating jaffa cakes) in the hospital ward, and eventually I was flown back to England and allowed to go home - maybe 2-3 weeks after the accident occurred.

 

I was 17 at the time and was taking my AS exams that year but was unable to sit any exams that summer... I was very slow to begin, problems with my memory etc, but everything started getting better as time went by over the next few months, and I made virtually a full recovery. I have just finished my University degree achieving 1st Class Honours. However, over the last few months I have been experiencing odd sensations which I believe must be related to derealisation/depersonalisation. 

 

These feelings have always been triggered by something - for example, I was in France where it was hot last year, hungover and was playing tennis when I suddenly started feeling weird and within a few minutes I felt almost disconnected from my body and very panicky. My thoughts were very worried and I was scared something worse would happen. More recently, it has been a problem after smoking weed - and it seems to be getting worse. I can have 5-6 puffs of a joint and be left with the same horrible feeling of disconnection. I also seem to lose grasp on my perception of time and have thoughts such as "if i'm alive now, well once I'm dead I won't remember any of it so all of this is irrelevant" which, in my high state, I find very worrying. To add to this, in my mind I can have very trippy thoughts, as if I am in a loop which will never end, which I find terrifying. I have smoked weed a lot for the past 4 years and this issue has only started becoming a problem in the last 9 months or so. 

 

I have also taken MD 15-20 times - but never once had a bad experience. Ket has caused me to have 1 really bad moment similar to the above. I would say my life is very good and I am very lucky, but my mind seems to have a bit of anxiety about these things, which all relates to a fear of how life is, why I am alive and other unknown questions of the universe. 

 

So it appears it is simply a case of my accident causing these derealisation problems, induced by drugs such as alcohol, weed etc. But it seems to be random when these events happen - sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't - which may be related to how I am feeling at the time overall? My guess would be, if I avoid or minimise the amount of times I affect my body with such substances, these problems are unlikely to get worse?

 

When reading some posts on here it seems my problems are nowhere near the magnitude of others, but any advice would be much appreciated because it is on my mind quite a lot and would love to know more about it. Sorry for the long post and if it is a bit jumbled! :)






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