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Need some encouragment


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#1 StacyCecilia

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Posted 02 January 2017 - 07:28 PM

Some of you may remember my post a few years ago about how my DP completely went away. I am still DP free today! However, having issues with severe anxiety lately and would like some input, or really just words of encouragement because I have absolutely 0 people to talk to about this. I have a great, supportive boyfriend but he doesn't understand the depths of an anxiety disorder as his responses are frequently, "just try not to worry about it" or "you'll be fine." Which is nice but completely useless advice for someone with mental trauma. I'm afraid to fall back into the DP- which I haven't been worried about in years.

My current situation: I was doing great! Anxiety was under control and life was beautiful. One week before Christmas I received bloodwork back from my doctor (he ran some tests after I went in complaining of mild heart burn). Tested positive for H. pylori (apparently super common bug in the stomach). He gave me a prescription - basically an antibiotic cocktail- which includes 112 pills over the course of 2 weeks. Obviously, I immediately starting googling the meds (including amoxicillin and clarithromycin) and had a heart attack reading horror stories and side effects. i decided to wait until after the holidays to start the regimen.

On the Thursday before Christmas, I came down with a virus that had me vomiting profusely for 6-7 hours. I took several ativan during that time hoping it would kick in and calm me down enough to make the vomiting end. I first attributed the sickness to H. Pylori; however, the next day my boyfriend came down with the same ailments and I later found out 4-5 of my coworkers suffered the same fate over Christmas weekend as well (we work with kids).

My stomach was in knots for a week- I felt nauseous every day, tired, couldn't eat, I lost some weight which is significant to me because I'm already super skinny and self conscious. Plus I was going through mild benzo withdrawal since I spent my whole Christmas weekend popping Ativan to get through family parties without worrying about barfing on my grandma. I also have put off taking the antibiotics until I felt better. Have a follow up appointment on 1/11 with the doctor to see how I'm doing- and truthfully I'm not planning on starting my meds any time soon. I'm horrible!!!!

This past Friday, I left work early as I wasn't feeling well again and just fed up with feeling like shit. Anxiety, stomach aches, fatigue...I missed my old life!! Went for a ride to clear my head, which worked for a bit until my car decided to break down and has been sitting in my garage since Friday.

So now I'm lying in bed, stressing about getting to work tomorrow (if my car lets me and I don't crash and burn on a side street at 5:30am and nobody finds me until rush hour) and paying for repairs (since I just paid my boyfriend my half of rent plus several other bills and currently have the least amount in my checking account than I have had in years).

I'm scared to go back to work after my 4 day weekend. I'm worried about money, and H Pylori, and antibiotics and my shitty car. My anxiety is through the roof. I've had a headache all day. Everything just came toppling down all at once. I just want to quit my job and move back in with my parents so my mom can sleep in my bed with me and rub my back and tell me everything's going to be okay, like she'd do when I was a kid.

This isn't how I planned to start my new year! I'm here for help, encouragement, input, advice, suggestions, comments, anything. I need some reassurance that I'll make it through this anxiety- everything else I can deal with. Thank you in advance <3

#2 tfiio

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Posted 02 January 2017 - 11:11 PM

hey there, congratulations on the dp recovery. :) I'm new here so I don't really know you, but I'm happy to listen. I'm gonna kind of go through things in the order you bring them up to keep myself organized, okay?

 

first of all, it seems to me like it may be worth the trouble to really convey to your boyfriend how much you really can't "just [not] worry about it". you're clearly fond of him, and he must be fond of you too. I assume he wants you to be happy (otherwise he and I will have some "words" >:T ), and if he understands this a little better he can better support you.

 

second of all, I think this sounds like the kind of thing even a neurotypical person (without any sort of serious mental health issues or trauma or the like) would be stressed about. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, and I don't even get the feeling that your anxiety is trying to blow things out of proportion. that's a lot of unhappy junk piling up on you all at once, and it'd be more worrisome if you weren't some kind of fussed about it.

 

I know there's lots of scary stories about meds on the internet, but you really do need to take the antibiotics you were given, and when you start taking them you have to take all of them as directed. people who stop taking antibiotics as soon as they feel better instead of for the entire time they were told to by a professional are the reason we have superbugs, no joke. it may be a good idea to take the time to learn what sources are trustworthy and what aren't, when it comes to deciding whether or not to be scared of a pill. some people have allergic reactions to various antibiotics and you should be aware of that, but otherwise they're relatively safe. less prone to negative side effects or dependence than your benzos, at least, haha. there will always be at least a few horror stories, no matter what med it is, even something generally considered ridiculously safe by medical standards. one guy telling a story on a forum that might have been a little exaggerated does not hold the same weight as a peer-reviewed scientific study.

 

does your boyfriend have his own car you can borrow, or could he perhaps take you into work himself? even if he just drives you to work in your car, having someone with you makes car troubles less scary, in my experience. if your schedule and his are just too different to make that work, perhaps you have a coworker whose route to work sort-of-kind-of goes past your home, or you're fortunate enough to live in a place with decent public transportation. and there are websites dedicated to figuring out what's wrong with your car, and deciding whether or not it's something you can safely fix by yourself.

 

that at least addresses the two biggest burdens you have right now, from what you've explained. I don't know if "actionable advice" is your bag, or if you prefer reassurance, but I have reassurance for you too, no need to worry. :)

 

your feelings are valid. that is a stressful situation and you're allowed to be stressed. it feels gross and terrible and you're physically and mentally sick and you just want to hide under the blankets until you don't feel gross anymore. but you've felt grosser, you've felt more terrible, and you got out of it! you made it further than most of us have, you made it out. your anxiety decided to stop in and say hello, and that happens sometimes. that doesn't make you any less okay, or any less strong. I'm pretty certain it will pass all on its own, as long as you can keep yourself from pushing it away so hard that your hands sink into it and get stuck. and if it doesn't pass on its own, you've been here before. you know some tricks to get through it. and you've got people around who are happy to share their own tricks, and to cheer you on. you can do this. (besides, the kids at work would probably miss you, instead of getting to be all excited to see you again after such a loooooong weekend, haha.)

 

remember to take care of yourself, but remember that taking care of yourself doesn't mean giving up, nor does it mean ignoring your own needs. it takes finding a balance between what's productive and what's protective. and since you were doing pretty good for a long while, you probably have some idea of where that balance is for you. you can find your way back to it. I believe in you. :)



#3 Hedgehog fuzz

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Posted 03 January 2017 - 06:13 PM

when you spoke about your mum rubbing your back, i nearly cried. i wish you all the best. 



#4 heyLow

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Posted 04 January 2017 - 07:20 AM

hey cecilia, actually i ran over your recovery story last night and it gave me a lot of hope.

 

all i can say is that you're so strong that you got out of dp, i believe if you have overcome this you can overcome anything.

 

i'm no psychologist but as someone who have dealt with anxiety in the past i can assure you that by working on your inner peace and eliminating stresses of all kind you could step towards a joyful life.

 

you gave me confidence with your recovery story. and i'm here to help as much as i can.

 

don't worry about falling into dp again. even if you do - you can get out. sooner or later all the people who have this will get back to their true selves. and that's a matter of time and effort.

 

anyways, take care and enjoy your life without dp_ that will protect you from fallin into it. 



#5 StacyCecilia

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Posted 05 January 2017 - 08:37 PM

Thank you tfiio for your detailed and wonderful response. It does make me feel better when I realize the things I have anxiety about now are considered "normal" causes of anxiety, rather than the black hole of pointless worrying I find myself in every so often.

My boyfriend is incredibly supportive and I can tell he tries to mentally edit his responses before speaking as to not upset me and to truly make me feel better. He's getting there!

I took several deep breaths and focused on what I have power over right now. I took my car in to get fixed ($350 for two broken CV joints!!) and although I had to put it on a credit card, I was told if I waited any longer to bring it in, it could've been extremely dangerous on the roads. So there's a positive :)

As for the antibiotics, I still cannot bring myself to take them. I know majority of the side effects I have read online are worse case scenarios, but I'm so scared!! I will see my doctor on Wednesday and ask for different therapy, such as milder antibiotics or a shorter duration. Or at the very least, he'll give me the tough love I need to just start taking them already! And I know enough about antibiotics that it's so important to take the entire course no matter what, as to not build a resistance to the same antibiotics in the future. This is why I'd like to wait to talk with my doctor about other options first.

Thank you so much for taking the time to give a complete stranger your whole hearted advice. It means so much, and I'm feeling better already. Good luck in your own journey; I know you will conquer DP if you use the same mentality you shared here with yourself on a daily basis. xoxo

#6 StacyCecilia

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Posted 05 January 2017 - 08:37 PM

when you spoke about your mum rubbing your back, i nearly cried. i wish you all the best.


It's funny, in a way, when I think of doing this it makes me want to cry as well.

#7 Cotillion

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Posted 06 January 2017 - 11:15 AM

Some of you may remember my post a few years ago about how my DP completely went away. I am still DP free today! However, having issues with severe anxiety lately and would like some input, or really just words of encouragement because I have absolutely 0 people to talk to about this. I have a great, supportive boyfriend but he doesn't understand the depths of an anxiety disorder as his responses are frequently, "just try not to worry about it" or "you'll be fine." Which is nice but completely useless advice for someone with mental trauma. I'm afraid to fall back into the DP- which I haven't been worried about in years.

 

Oh yes, I remember your great posts!

 

Since you've been through a very difficult to challenge (overcoming dp), this one shouldn't be any harder. Just try to divide your challenges into smaller parts and then tackle them one at a time, head-on. It is not as bad or dark as you make it up to be, certainly difficult, but nothing overly insane like dp.

 

Just don't take any benzos, and I mean it. I did that mistake by using them to get relief from anxiety and now I'm paying a pretty hefty price for it (benzo withdrawal syndrome).

 

 

 

Wishing you the best,

Cotillion



#8 tfiio

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Posted 06 January 2017 - 01:42 PM

more than happy to help. I'm glad you're feeling better :)



#9 Guest_Phantasm_*

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Posted 10 January 2017 - 10:25 PM

 

remember to take care of yourself, but remember that taking care of yourself doesn't mean giving up, nor does it mean ignoring your own needs. it takes finding a balance between what's productive and what's protective. and since you were doing pretty good for a long while, you probably have some idea of where that balance is for you. you can find your way back to it. I believe in you. :)

 

I liked how you put that about finding a balance between what's productive and what's protective, tfiio.

 

I agree that she has had some real and valid heath concerns, as well as some of the more day-to-day trials to cope with, that can pile up and get to all of us at times.



#10 Psychostein

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Posted 27 January 2017 - 10:09 AM

We're all going to die sooner or later gosh that made me have a panic attack FUCK!




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