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[bleh26]

I just googled, ' I have no thoughts' for the first time tonight. I have been feeling like this for 6 months or so, and maybe even longer, it has just gotten worse. When I first realized I went a little crazy and flipped out trying to explain to someone how I felt. I made no sense to them. Everyday I'm just walking in a fog, I forget conversations from the night before, I can't answer questions or give my opinion cause I have none! I feel like I should just die. I feel like a waste of space. I don't go through episodes. This is 24/7 for me. The only time I feel it goes away is when I drink and it doesn't even totally. I knew other people had to be feeling like this. I thought it was just severe anxiety that I have, and depression, which I'm not medicated for. I smoke pot, but lately it's been making me feel completely retarted! I'm going to stop, now that I've found out about DP. Now I just want to know how to get better? There is no cure? I can't live like this! I even quite my job because everyone thought I was weird because I have no words or thoughts! I'm very pretty and can look and play the part, but trying to get to know me.. I feel as if I have no personality. I was voted funniest in high school. And now I can't even speak or think. I meet people and make plans to hang out when I'm out drinking, but the next day when they want to do something I completely avoid them or make excuses on why I can't see them because I know I will seem weird to them because of this thing!! anywho my new roommate and my 'best friend' knows somethings wrong with me, I think she thinks I'm dumb. I want to tell her about this, but she will judge me! I know it. Sigh.. not sure if I can sleep now.. anyway thanks