8 replies to this topic

[SpiderS]

Reading a lot of stories and articles about this condition, I found a lot of people mentioning that "Before DP", that you have to remember time or yourself when you were dp free etc., but what if you had DP/DR most part of your life? Frankly, I just can't remember time when I didn't have DP, maybe I was way too small then (4-7 years, I'm 20 now), But every time I try to remember my childhood It feels like I had DP all along, maybe not that severe, but still... Is there a lot of people like this? And is there anyone like this who has recovered? I mean I have had strong DP/DR all my teen years, when your personality starts to develop, even DP free I might feel same emptiness, although who knows...

[Caroe]

When I try to remember how it was like before I had DP-DR its kind of weird, because.... Its not that I cant, its that I dont understand how I was doing to not have DP-DR, when I think about times I had without it I just feel like I had DP but I didnt know it, but I know i didnt really have it.

Its very wierd.

[Thidwick]

When I try to remember how it was like before I had DP-DR its kind of weird, because.... Its not that I cant, its that I dont understand how I was doing to not have DP-DR, when I think about times I had without it I just feel like I had DP but I didnt know it, but I know i didnt really have it.

Its very wierd.

That's DP's dirty trick. It infects your memories -- everything starts to feel like you've had DP all along. But that's necessary from your mind's perspective. DP/DR is designed to help you cope with stress and anxiety that you can't handle. The stress in your system builds up until one day you've exhausted yourself mentally, and to help cope your mind needs to cut you off from reality. If you can clearly remember when you didn't have DP, then you're too attached to reality. Your mind has to filter everything -- and I mean everything -- through the lens of DP to maintain the illusion.

It's a gigantic bluff. We just have to learn how to call it.

[Caroe]

My mind does filter everything, and its true that i'm always stressed. But sometimes I can enjoy it, sometimes DP makes me feel free, just like i understood the purpose of life... Most of the time it feels horrible tho. Its realy hard to describe for me since im french and my english sucks.

[Thidwick]

We've all gone through those moments. Keep your chin up -- what we need is never as hard to find as we think.

And don't worry about your English. I understand you perfectly.

[daydreambeliever]

Reading a lot of stories and articles about this condition, I found a lot of people mentioning that "Before DP", that you have to remember time or yourself when you were dp free etc., but what if you had DP/DR most part of your life? Frankly, I just can't remember time when I didn't have DP, maybe I was way too small then (4-7 years, I'm 20 now), But every time I try to remember my childhood It feels like I had DP all along, maybe not that severe, but still... Is there a lot of people like this? And is there anyone like this who has recovered? I mean I have had strong DP/DR all my teen years, when your personality starts to develop, even DP free I might feel same emptiness, although who knows...

I can't imagine another way of being either. I am sure I had it as a child too.

[SpiderS]

I can't imagine another way of being either. I am sure I had it as a child too.

Yeah, sometimes I have weird ides that it's all like a matrix (btw when I first saw it in 1999 and truman show too I got that idea of unreality, I even told my parents) or I'm a clone of someone and going through time wraps and reality/dimensions shifts... I know its sounds silly, too much comics books and sci-fi I guess,

[dlsmar]

Yeah, sometimes I have weird ides that it's all like a matrix (btw when I first saw it in 1999 and truman show too I got that idea of unreality, I even told my parents) or I'm a clone of someone and going through time wraps and reality/dimensions shifts... I know its sounds silly, too much comics books and sci-fi I guess,

Hi, I'm just like you.
I'm 21 and I can't really remember not having dp/dr. I know that I didn't have it in my childhood, but I can't really remember those times.

BTW: my first post in here

[Jamby]

I am now 57 and can't remember what it feels like not to have DP. It started in childhood with me too with a very trauma filled and chaotic upbringing. There are certainly times when I know things were better but being without emotion I no longer seem to have a connection to those times. The memory thing bothers me a lot. I think it can be explained by a couple of things. If you live in kind of a fantasy world or dissociative state you just don't connect to what is happening to you. It is happening in the periphery, you are not truly experiencing them. I have to think that memory is tied very close to emotion. Without the emotional component it is harder to tap into a memory. I have such a hard time remembering details, peoples names, the setting about what I have experienced in the past.