2 replies to this topic

[Smithers]

Hey everyone on the depersonalization forum. How are you feeling today? Hope all is good. With that being said today has been a strange day for me and it started with coming across the disorder as you are all well to familiar with called depersonalization. I have been reading on it for the past hour and a half. I think I might have it and today i challenge all who reads this to help me figure out if I have it. Lets start off like this. When I was younger I lived in a foster home until 7 that was because my father fixed his life up and came to the rescue. Even then we didnt always have a place to live. I can remember countless times not being able to shower , or brush my teeth let alone wear clean clothes. I remember through out school I was embarrassed by my dirty nails, clothes ect always was made fun of but that never stopped me from being me. I was always out going up to about.. i cant really pin point when but id like to say 8th grade. I was always an out going person I could think and come up with things to say as fast as you can say the word communication and that was a blessing. Through out high school I was a popular kid I had more friends then id say about 75% of the school but this is when i started to really feel an anxiety. Its weird this anxiety really would only happen when it came to girls, thts understandable but that wasnt it. I was afraid to be myself I was liked because I never really stated my own opinions I would always listen, understand, agree, and try to relate make an analogy that type of stuff but never stated my opinion. I was always afraid to be that kid that everyone thinks is better then everyone else I would let people run all over me. I always had this traite I remember back in 5th grade in gym we had a pull up contest. There was this one kid named ryan he was bigger then everyone else he did 12 pull ups well I did 10 pull ups I wasnt fully tired but i stopped because i didnt want to beat him i didnt want everyone thinking i was better then him. I guess you can say I dont know how to handle being liked, loved? I dont know.. but everyone always tells me I the most modest person they know. Another example Me and a friend were riding our dirt bikes. He has a rm125 and I have a yz85 his bike wasnt running great but he boasted how great it runs and how fast it is and would try to race me. Well we would race and my yz85 would beat his rm125 I knew this because I kept right up with him no problem and started to pass him so i left off the throttle. I did it because I didnt want him to feel a certain type of way.
Any ways you guys get the point I will stop rambling on. Basically the moral to the story is lately I feel like no one likes me, I cant start up a conversation to easily anymore, during conversations I feel blank, I can never find the right words to use. Its like I know what im trying to say its on the tip of my tongue but i cant find it. My memory is shot. Very bad memory I cant remember details I can only remember the basic general understanding of what was supposed to be learned or read. I mis pronounce a lot of words, and im a horrible speller. I feel lost, hopeless about my future. I am poor I have a lot of bills im almost drowning in bills I worry a lot about what im going to do in the future. Like I said I feel hopeless with no direction. Im very self observent, I was the kid who thought I walked funny when im in front of a huge crowd. Feel like my voice is never heard. I cant think of new ideas its hard to me to explain things. Very hard for me to explain things and often hard to pinpoint describe them. Also a lot of times I feel emotionless unless its worrying, craving a want, no being liked, loneliness, ect.. I know there are depersonalizational quizes, and tests to figure out if i have it. I would just like a second opinion.

PLEASE ASK QUESTIONS.. You help me out, I help you out?

[californian]

Hey everyone on the depersonalization forum. How are you feeling today? Hope all is good. With that being said today has been a strange day for me and it started with coming across the disorder as you are all well to familiar with called depersonalization. I have been reading on it for the past hour and a half. I think I might have it and today i challenge all who reads this to help me figure out if I have it. Lets start off like this. When I was younger I lived in a foster home until 7 that was because my father fixed his life up and came to the rescue. Even then we didnt always have a place to live. I can remember countless times not being able to shower , or brush my teeth let alone wear clean clothes. I remember through out school I was embarrassed by my dirty nails, clothes ect always was made fun of but that never stopped me from being me. I was always out going up to about.. i cant really pin point when but id like to say 8th grade. I was always an out going person I could think and come up with things to say as fast as you can say the word communication and that was a blessing. Through out high school I was a popular kid I had more friends then id say about 75% of the school but this is when i started to really feel an anxiety. Its weird this anxiety really would only happen when it came to girls, thts understandable but that wasnt it. I was afraid to be myself I was liked because I never really stated my own opinions I would always listen, understand, agree, and try to relate make an analogy that type of stuff but never stated my opinion. I was always afraid to be that kid that everyone thinks is better then everyone else I would let people run all over me. I always had this traite I remember back in 5th grade in gym we had a pull up contest. There was this one kid named ryan he was bigger then everyone else he did 12 pull ups well I did 10 pull ups I wasnt fully tired but i stopped because i didnt want to beat him i didnt want everyone thinking i was better then him. I guess you can say I dont know how to handle being liked, loved? I dont know.. but everyone always tells me I the most modest person they know. Another example Me and a friend were riding our dirt bikes. He has a rm125 and I have a yz85 his bike wasnt running great but he boasted how great it runs and how fast it is and would try to race me. Well we would race and my yz85 would beat his rm125 I knew this because I kept right up with him no problem and started to pass him so i left off the throttle. I did it because I didnt want him to feel a certain type of way.
Any ways you guys get the point I will stop rambling on. Basically the moral to the story is lately I feel like no one likes me, I cant start up a conversation to easily anymore, during conversations I feel blank, I can never find the right words to use. Its like I know what im trying to say its on the tip of my tongue but i cant find it. My memory is shot. Very bad memory I cant remember details I can only remember the basic general understanding of what was supposed to be learned or read. I mis pronounce a lot of words, and im a horrible speller. I feel lost, hopeless about my future. I am poor I have a lot of bills im almost drowning in bills I worry a lot about what im going to do in the future. Like I said I feel hopeless with no direction. Im very self observent, I was the kid who thought I walked funny when im in front of a huge crowd. Feel like my voice is never heard. I cant think of new ideas its hard to me to explain things. Very hard for me to explain things and often hard to pinpoint describe them. Also a lot of times I feel emotionless unless its worrying, craving a want, no being liked, loneliness, ect.. I know there are depersonalizational quizes, and tests to figure out if i have it. I would just like a second opinion.

PLEASE ASK QUESTIONS.. You help me out, I help you out?

Hi Smithers,

At first glance, from what you describe, it does not sound like you have depersonalization disorder. Depersonalization disorder hallmarks that you do not describe are: feelings of no-self, feelings as though living in a dream, muted bodily sensation, feeling estrangement from one's own body, a feeling that the world is not real, etc. Also common is that the idea of the self and or existence in general is excruciatingly bizarre.

It does, however, sound like you have a fairly debilitating disorder that you should seek attention for. It sounds a lot more like you have severe social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder or something of that nature. Or perhaps major clinical depression, or some overlap of them all.

But from what you first describe here it sounds like social anxiety/depression, and not dpd/dr. The good news is that those are generably more treatable with a wider array of pharmacological options.

Best to you,

[kate_edwin]

you haven't described any of the perceptual hallmarks of dp.......from the info here it doesn't sound anything like it.