What is DP/DR like for you?
Posted 28 August 2004 - 12:11 PM
So, maybe just a brief description of the experience for you - what are the sensations, are they periodic or constant, that kind of thing. Thank you in advance for your thoughts..........
Posted 28 August 2004 - 01:16 PM
Posted 28 August 2004 - 02:44 PM
I have a question, that im hopeing someone can answer. Do you think that the time that i go to sleep can have an effect on me. Like last night i went to sleep at about 1:30 am & woke up at about 11. Now thats 10 hours sleep, which should be more than enough, but i still feel tired & knocked out. Is it because i went to bed late & woke up late? Like would there be a difference if i say went to sleep at i dunno , 11 and woke up at maybe 9:30, 10 ? that would actually be 10 & a half hours sleep or 11 hours depending, but would the actual times make me feel better?
Posted 28 August 2004 - 04:33 PM
For example, my main symptoms are: emptiness. No sense of self. Complete, utter emptiness, as if my soul has been removed. The outside world seem right to me, it's my inside world that seems unreal. Also, exteme levels of anxiety. And I have become something of a hypochondriac, worrying about every little twitch and pain.
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Posted 28 August 2004 - 05:24 PM
Soon you begin to see the movie projectors above the ceiling. You see rays of colored lights being beamed to every object in the room. You follow the trails.
Soon you get it.
Every single thing that you have ever seen is nothing but a projection of light. A virtual reality. A lie.
Dust in rays of light that form images.
As you walk towards the objects, people and existence that you had believed all your life, they start to vanish. You realize they were nothing but ghost images ("wisps" as Dreamer says).
Then you realize the big one.
You are nothing either.
But vague dusty light rays. And as you think of that, you begin to fade.
The only way to NOT fade (you believe) is to not "know" this anymore.
So you spend the rest of your days trying to NOT know. to NOT think. Trying to not let yourself disappear into utter oblivion.
See, not only is your BODY an illusion, your Self is an illusion. There is no core. Whatever you once thought of when you said your own name is gone. There is no one in there. And never was.
Then you realize that even oblivion is a facade.
And you spend the rest of your days in silent abject horror.
THAT, my dear, is Depersonalization. At its deepest.
And I lived with it for years. It is not insanity and it is not "truth"
But nobody IN that state can believe it isn't.
It is a hideous fantasy of self-annihilation.
p.s. now don't keep re-reading this description in hopes of "grasping" it, etc. It will just give you more "Jeeeeheebies". There is no way to MASTER a fantasy of annihilation. Elsewhere. Other. Stop walking INTO the smoke.
Posted 28 August 2004 - 05:54 PM
- excessive worry about what is happening, even though nothing is
- excessive worry that I'm going nuts, even though I'm not
- excessive worry that I won't be around a very long time, even though I probably will
- endless what-ifs about what may or may not happen
- anxiety about aches and pains and what they may or may not mean
- anxiety about the inability at times to think outside of myself, and focus on my surroundings, and when I can I notice how distorted they look
- sadness at the thought of never seeing my environment the same way again. It looks so fake, like everyhting is made in blocks and 2 dimensional. People look exaggerated or like plastic. You know they are still human, but you still feel as if you've lost connection with them
- sadness about how outgoing and excited about life I used to be, and now I'm just the opposite. I've become irritable, bitter, sad, introverted, and emotional and lack drive to succeed
- sad about the fact I don't feel the same emotional connection to activities I once enjoyed such as sex, school, time with friends family, and vacations
This is what I mean by maddening. Things get so tough that becoming psychotic would be almost a blessing because I wouldn't have to deal with all the anxiety of the above. When my DP isn't bad, it means that some or all of the above are either absent or dissipating. As a word of encouragement, there are more good days than bad days now, whereas 2 months ago, I had 1 good day for every 5 bad ones. Hope this helps.
Posted 28 August 2004 - 06:28 PM
Thank you kenc. That's what I'm looking for - a description of how this manifests for people. And Bro, that was a good start.
And of course Janine hit it right on the head, but she had to get all creative about it...........
Yes, this is my obsession - trying to convince myself I am DP/DR. On the other hand, I also think a thread like this - where people describe their experience, can be helpful. While there is commonality in our symptoms, there also seems to be at least subtle differences.
Remember, we are being watched by King's College of London.........
More descriptions are welcome...........
Posted 28 August 2004 - 07:24 PM
excessive worry about what is happening, even though nothing is
LOL. This always bugged the crap out of me. For example, excessive worry about social interactions when my rational mind new I was making soooooooo much out of virtually nothing, a non-event... It was conflicting for myself to realize these two things; I'm freaking out over nothing, yet realizing it is nothing itself... ARGH.
Glad those days are gone (for the most part). [/url]
Posted 28 August 2004 - 10:17 PM
I believe I have a more dr-like experience...
I definately have perceptual and auditory integration problems. What I mean by this is often the environment seems distorted in some way, 2D-like visually. As for the auditory part, I have problems separating sounds, especially voices from background noise. Also, I feel like I am living in a dream- in unreality. I often feel extremely overstimulated/dissoriented in busy places. It's like it takes me a long time to figure out what's going on. Before taking Paxil I would have definate time lapses. I feel very much like I am high on marijuana (still)... Then there's the more physical stuff I suffer from...such as this sensation of a lack of blood flowing to my head, feeling like my eyes are going to pop out of my head or like someone has stuffed cotton balls behind and in between my eyes, peculiar muscle spasms all along the base of my skull accompanied by sounds of bones shifting, etc.... Oh and how could I forget, I suffer from "broken record syndrome" (forget who on this site called it this so sorry I can't reference you)... ANYONE ELSE WITH SIMILAR PHYSICAL PROBS please CONTACT ME.........still looking for answers....or relief.
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