Thank you for conveying so many thoughts and feelings I have had with my own experience of DP/DR; I came to this community to reach out and try to convey a similar message. I assume this to be a place where I can feel safe, fully expressed and related to, amidst the occasional turmoil in my brain. I assume we should all have these gifts upon becoming a part of this community--most of all, if in a moment of a downward spiral.
For those effectively in the 'hell' of DP or in a moment of downward spiral, please consider acting 'as-if' with as much awareness as you can muster. The 'act-as-if' tool has helped me out quite a bunch. It's not a simple task to motivate into, but gets easier with practice. Don't dwell on the perceived importance of whether you FEEL anything or not, acting 'as-if' you ARE safe, fully expressed and related to, in this moment, now, is what's important.
Acting 'as-if' could be a useful tool; and at the very least, help you to get through (the moment) by helping you to break the state of self-perpetuating negative indulgences (ie. abuse of self, others, sex and/or drugs). It's the whole principal of "commit the action and the mind will follow." Resisting the urge to check back in with your DP/DR and KEEP BRINGING YOURSELF BACK to acting 'as-if' can be a useful tool to help you through these most effed up of moments. This process is self-correcting in that: with diligence and positive commitment, relief will come.
The whole idea of trying to commit our thoughts/minds (and not the action) to something is pretty redundant to us DP/DR, esp. when the thoughts become self-indulgent/self-destructive. I'd like to believe that we are all here to help ourselves and each other not just to be understanding of one another, but to challenge one another toward our best possible outcome - RECOVERY! I challenge you to take heart and act 'as-if' your best possible outcome WILL happen for you
I am willing to do almost anything to beat the negative obstacles of this DP/DR sucker, even it that means I must submit to it. And I have!
I admit that I DO have days that I'm unsure of going into a situation, but part of the task of being developmentally 'right' with myself is to act with assured-ness, anyway, AND DIVE INTO THE EXPERIENCE!! I find that I lose track of my DP within minutes and find that hours go by ACTUALLY enjoying myself. One of my favorite quotes by Joseph Campbell is "If you are falling, prepare to dive".
With the 'Act-as-if" concept in mind, here's something that could be well-aligned with your principle. I wrote this for my new, not yet publicized, blog a while ago about developmental stages of development.
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There is a lot of misinformation and confusion about DP/DR and its possible relationship to spiritual and/or religious development. There are numerous developmental theories that have been created, identified with and practiced: psychological/cognitive, social/moral, and spirituality/religion. Most, if not all, of them describe and identify a stage of or state in development that epitomizes, even embodies, the DP/DR experience.
This post is strictly an unbiased look at these developmental stages and their states where DP/DR is present. I have done a lot of research on DP/DR in hopes to find relief from my own DP/DR struggles. I don't advocate, condone or align my self any one theory or philosophy, but have found some comfort and a more playful attitude toward reality discovering the similarities between them and the mythos within them all. The discovery of connection may well be what is helping me on my way to recovery.
To use an example of one of the such possible theories, I have chosen to contrast Depersonalization with relationship to Buddhist states and stages toward attaining enlightenment.
*States - Termed 'Jhana' in Buddhism - loosely translated, means:
condition/conditions/conditioning, where you are "at" in mind and/or body--state of being, area of concentration, learning/training/, task or practice, perceived experience (non judgmental feelings/emotions), concentration, acceptance vs. resistance levels of a situation, meditation. Jhanas are neither good or bad and can be used as tools for self-reflection.
Different states (Jhanas) can be eased into or quickly 'triggered' in ANY stage and at any time. Jhanas are temporary - distortions in conceptual time and space; temporal momentum interruption - and unfixed, meaning more than one Jhana can be experienced at a time and more than one person can share the same state individually and/or with one another even if the internal/external conditions which triggered them are very different.
Where, when, how, and why a certain Jhana is experienced depends on where our awareness is concentrated: internal/external environment. The intensity of the Jhana largely depends on the level of ease vs. difficulty with and acceptance vs. resistance of the lessons being learned in the current Nana.
**Stages - Termed 'Nana' in Buddhism - loosely translated, means:
'knowledge of', insight, conviction and wisdom. A Nana is a marking point or turning point of spiritual transition (or cognitive development). Once a stage (Nana) is completed it becomes embodied knowledge and you will not back slide into an earlier (or lower) stage.
Think: you 'know' how to ride a bike, tie your shoes, recite the alphabet - There is no longer a need to concentrate on or practice doing - you just DO it. There are approx. 16 Nanas -- Nanas 1 through 4
are the lower Nanas and are considered stages of Self 'awakening'/Knowledge of Being Self as Self and is the process of becoming aware of spirituality (the Divine) as we awaken to and gain
knowledge of our identifications of Self. Whereas the highers Nanas, 5 through 15, are considered to be spiritually awakened stages - practitioners in these stages assert well-defined, working or functioning assumptions in a philosophy, opinion or spiritual belief and is the process of becoming spiritually 'enlightened'.
The long, sometimes difficult, even downright frustrating (this is a state/jhana) process of enlightenment ends at the completion of the 15th Nana where "Nirvana" is attained. The 16 Nana IS "enlightenment"; enlightenment is "IS-ness" embodied and is more of a perpetual state of being than it is a stage of development.
Here's two great links on the stages:
http://www.interactivebuddha.com/Nanas% ... ablep1.pdf
http://www.buddhanet.net/knowledg.htm
I'm going to make a bold statement...Depersonalization is NOT spiritual enlightenment! It is not even defined as a stage (Nana) of enlightenment. According to many sects of Buddhism, the initial
experiences of the DP/DR state (jhana) are short in length (minutes to days/weeks) and sometimes fleeting; they begin to occur in the 2nd Nana (the stage of cause and effect); yet are still temporary. After the 2nd stage, when you have embodied the lesson of 'cause and effect' and learn to take personal responsibility for EVERYTHING in life that your 'self' creates, the 3rd Nana comes in to challenge that lesson with the Three Characteristics: impermanence, suffering,and no-self (very DP/DR, No?).
The 3rd nana is characterized by the words deconstruction and de-condition. The DP/DR moments are long (weeks, months years), seems like a permanent condition, as the moments are chronic and are not fleeting. In the 3rd Nana the DP/DR Jhana, too, is EXTREMELY dark, cryptic, and lonely--BUT WORSE, because there doesn't seem to be an end to it! But, IMHO, this is the lesson--Learning to 'let go' of your previous mental construct and its conditioning.
Up until this point all of what you "know" about the universe is your sensory input and has been polar in opposition (good/bad, right/wrong, black/white, male/female). With (the state of) DP/DR messing up your sensory input (emotions, feelings, sense of self, etc...) you are forced to learn to know the universe as it is in itself (for example: do you "know" the apple is sweet and juicy? No... but you are inclined to ASSUME it is).
Nothing is 'personal' in DP, so you are forced into learning how to "know" a thing without interpreting, judging, labeling, identifying or picking it apart; you simply see, touch, taste, smell, hear (and to some - intuit) without judgement and without emotion.
When you 'feel' neither good or bad about something or indifferent about it, you are at the beginning of passing through the 3rd Nana--this is the experience of non-duality (be mindful that indifference is NOT apathy; apathy is a negative state of feeling, is depression and NOT DP).
At the very base, this Nana teaches realignment with the deepest of instinct and sense recognition (gut feelings): away from/toward, repel/propel, repulse/impulse, safety/risk. This may be a lesson to learn to have more trust in or belief in our self from a physiological perspective (remember...in DP/DR emotions and feelings no longer exist; or seem to - this is psychological). These lessons start with 'self' and in progression extends to the universe upon entering into the 4th Nana.
This Nana is called the Arising and Passing Away of things (AP for short), as impermanence and fleeting experiences become more and more apparent in a 'factual' way rather than in its previously futile way. The build up to 'letting go' of the futility is the most difficult, frustrating and tumultuous to persevere in. It can take months to many years to pass through the 4th Nana and is surpassed in what is "the AP Event".
Perceived by many to be nearly impossible to get through and has been described as: like a nervous breakdown, psychotic break, drastic shift in consciousness, etc. This is also known as "The Dark Night of the Soul" (see St. John of the Cross, see below); many seekers who've passed through this point would encourage the dark night experience if they had only knew what it was.
According to Shinzen Young, "This phenomenon, within the Buddhist tradition, is sometimes referred to as 'falling into the Pit of the Void.' It entails an authentic and irreversible insight into Emptiness and No Self. What makes it problematic is that the person interprets it as a bad trip. Instead of being empowering and fulfilling, the way Buddhist literature claims it will be, it turns into the opposite. In a sense, it's Enlightenment's Evil Twin. This is serious but still manageable through intensive, perhaps daily, guidance under a competent and knowledgeable teacher. In some cases it takes months or even years to fully metabolize, but the results are almost always highly positive."
More from Shinzen Young explaining the dark night:
http://shinzenyoung.blogspot.com/2011/1 ... night.html
A great podcast (and transcript) describing the dark night:
http://www.buddhistgeeks.com/2011/09/bg ... t-project/
In most sects of Buddhism, it is not custom to teach the stages of development, as higher stages are a complete mystery to those in lower stages of development and the path is slightly different for everyone. Enlightenment can NOT be a goal, but a journey to. You can 'know' where you've come from and have an idea of where your destination ends (in enlightenment), but you must carve your path IN THE MOMENT while in/on the journey. The lessons become knowledge at self reflection and many moments of introspection (or meditation)--you can not learn from a past moment if consumed with ideals of the future.
If you align with Buddhist philosophy, a negative experience of DP could very well be an inability to cope with emptiness, non-duality, and no-self introduced at the beginning of the 3rd Nana. It could also be that you are lost and in the 'thicke' of the dark night at the end of the 4th Nana. The experience will only gets worse if not dealt with an air of knowing that: THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS!! It is much easier to navigate the dark night with a knowledgeable mentor, coach or friend.
With some relief and clarity on the other side of the AP Event and the dark night, the letting go of !@#$% enables the 'Stream Winner'(one who surpasses these seemingly negative events) is now welcomed, or pulled into, the stream; entering into the natural and REAL 'flow' of life. This is "stream entry" at the 5th Nana and is considered in Buddhism to be the first (real) stage toward spiritual enlightenment and often mistaken for enlightenment in itself.
At this point, a Buddhist practitioner will cease to reincarnate into lower life forms (plants/animals) and will reincarnate only into human form, so the divine spirit may continue it's journey to Nirvana. From this point, a common experience is the recognition that 'self' and spirit are Divine and experiences of 'one-ness' with ALL things (even non-existence) is persistent. It is estimated that only a small percentage of the worlds population even get this far, let alone any farther (at least in this life-according to reincarnation).
From stages 3 to 5, DP/DR is a common state. Some pass through these stages in months and others it may take decades. What is important, is just to know that DP/DR is a 'state of being'. The sooner we let go of what was and stop being nostalgic for our 'conditional' past, the sooner we can embrace and even indulge in what IS.
Because polarity in constructs are deconstructed in later stages, those who claim any 'path' (Buddhism or any other developmental growth path) as evil or wrong is still, quite possibly, struggling with passing the 2nd or dealing with the 3rd Nana (this is where most people get stuck). In later stages, judgement and polarity become irrelevant in self dialogue.
If Buddhism is 'your thing', I can not stress this enough --- It is IMPORTANT to have a guide, prior path walker, teacher (master), who knows his/her stuff and can effectively communicate the 'path' to you and help you to positively (or non-judgmentally) interpret the meaning within your journey (this is where the Theory of Positive Integration by Kazimierz Dąbrowski was really helpful--see below). Don't dismiss anything all willy-nilly without asking the questions: who? what? when? where? why? and most importantly HOW--ie. How might this this path (course of action) affect me? How do these states/stages affect me/others? How do I get through the hard parts? How do I reach out when I need help?
If Buddhism doesn't work for you....fine...move on! Stop lingering on what doesn't work and get to finding something that does. 1) Find a path (developmental theory) that makes sense to you and act-as-if you KNOW where you are in its' stages. 2) Align yourself with that path and work it as long as it works for you. 3) Move forward on the path when the lesson/s have been revealed to you (when you KNOW something). 4) Find the connections that exist in ALL of it. 5) Stay on the path as long as it makes sense, otherwise...MOVE ON to another theory.
Other theoretical stages of growth to consider:
**St. John of the Cross
"Dark Night of the Soul" (Spanish: La noche oscura del alma) is the title of a poem written by 16th-century Spanish poet and Roman Catholic mystic Saint John of the Cross.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_night_of_the_soul
His poem narrates the journey of the soul from its bodily home to its union with God. The journey occurs during the night, which represents the hardships and difficulties the soul meets in detachment from the world and reaching the light of the union with the Creator. There are
several steps in this night, which are related in successive stanzas. The main idea of the poem can be seen as the painful experience that people endure as they seek to grow in spiritual maturity and union with God. The poem is divided into two books that reflect the two phases of the dark night. The first is a purification of the senses. The second and more intense of the two stages is that of the purification of the spirit, which is the less common of the two. 'Dark Night of the Soul' also describes the ten steps on the ladder of mystical love, which was previously described by Saint Thomas Aquinas and also in part by Aristotle.
**Kazimierz Dąbrowski
Theory of Positive Disintegration (TPD) - Theoretical framework of personality development which views psychological tension and anxiety as necessary for growth. These "disintegrative" processes are therefore seen as "positive," whereas people who fail to go through positive disintegration may remain for their entire lives in a state of "primary integration." Advancing into disintegration and into the higher levels of development is predicated on having developmental potential, including overexcitabilities and above-average reactions to stimuli.
2.1 Level I: Primary Integration
2.2 Level II: Unilevel Disintegration
2.3 Level III: Spontaneous Multilevel Disintegration
2.4 Level IV: Directed Multilevel Disintegration
2.5 Level V: Secondary Integration
FOR MORE ON POSITIVE DISINTIGRATION:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_ ... ntegration
**Wittenberg
identifies five metaphysic characteristics
1. A self image crisis, the person alternates between responding to superego demands (parental/authority) and adhering to one's ego- ideal.
2. Brief states of depersonalization, a person experiences a loss of identity. Accompanied by series of disembodiment, isolation and estrangement.
3. End of role playing. Reality sets in. Often accompanied by depression.
4. Awareness of time continuity. The sense of time passage become more acute. It includes developing the ability to allocate and utilize time in one's activities, plans or defenses.
5. Search for a partner. the young adult chooses a love object for 'permanent affiliation.'
**Erik Erikson
Devoted his research to defining the eight stages of life. Young adulthood, according to this model, falls in the sixth stage, "intimacy vs. isolation." The developing person up until that time has been
forming his identity. There is a lack of feeling of self- sameness over time, which is important for the sense of identity, is fractured at many points of development. The fragmentation of the sense of self is common during the acute stages like stage 6. This stage can only occur after the person has successfully completed the other 5 stages and often, chronology of age is not the most important consideration-maturity is.
**Robert White
Is an important theorist who did extensive clinical research with young adults. He identifies five "growth trends" of young adult development:
(1) stabilizing of ego identity or feeling confident within the newly found identity and not as apt to succumb to outside pressures
(2) freeing of personal relationships in terms of dealing with problems in the "present," they are thus able to become more sensitive to another person because they are less tied with their personal history
(3) deepening of interests and the enjoyment of life which shapes a person over time and is "tied to both competence and commitment
(4) humanizing of values distinguishing "between abstract morality of adolescence and the more functional morality of young adulthood"
(5) expansion of caring the stage of the "growth trend"
This theory is closely related to Erikson's idea of "generativity"
**Carl Jung
Recommends getting in touch with ones 'Anima/Animus' (alternate gender identity) as much as possible. Otherwise depersonalization, heightened anxiety, tension, and agitation can take over. If not dealt with correctly, the Shadow self will have difficulty in reconciling itself with the world. Introverted types are more adversely affected and would benefit most from psychotherapy, as they are more likely to repress than express.
Others developmental stages to look up:
Maslow's hierarchy of needs
Ken Wilber on development of self
Kohlberg's stages of moral development
Loevinger's stages of ego development
Piaget's theory of cognitive development
Neo-Piagetian theories of cognitive development
Psychosexual development
Model of Hierarchical Complexity
Sociocultural evolution (cultural development)
Fowler's stages of faith development
Stages of Team development
Spiral Dynamics social growth development
"Mystical Love" described by Saint Thomas Aquinas (also in part by Aristotle)
Freud - oral,anal, phallic - growth related to sexual instinct
More...More...More...Just look!!!
Sending explosive potential joy...
aquabella is on tw @lonidoddi
******Questions, comments and clarifications welcome*******
Peace and all that jazz...