[rob35235]

Am I the only one here who's been this obviously incapacitated that the government agreed? I absolutely HATE being on disability but I am not functional.

[Tepsu]

You're not alone. I had to quit my studies over 3 years ago and been at home since (on sick leave). I hate this but what can you do (when feel like all is done and tried...) I have severe cabin fever since I can so rarely go anywhere, very frustrating.

Try to hold on to the remains of my mental health by focusing on tv, handicrafts, my dogs etc.

Right now feeling extremely depressed and anxious.

[rob35235]

Tepsu, on 07 February 2010 - 12:30 PM, said:

You're not alone. I had to quit my studies over 3 years ago and been at home since (on sick leave). I hate this but what can you do (when feel like all is done and tried...) I have severe cabin fever since I can so rarely go anywhere, very frustrating.

Try to hold on to the remains of my mental health by focusing on tv, handicrafts, my dogs etc.

Right now feeling extremely depressed and anxious.

I'm with you. I try to focus on things, like TV , good movies, friends on the internet, and a small hobby I have. I'm just never comfortable in my own head, absolutely DREAD leaving to do things outside the house. I don't want to be like this forever

[Tepsu]

rob35235, on 07 February 2010 - 02:40 PM, said:

I'm with you. I try to focus on things, like TV , good movies, friends on the internet, and a small hobby I have. I'm just never comfortable in my own head, absolutely DREAD leaving to do things outside the house. I don't want to be like this forever

I know. This aint no life.

[ThoughtOnFire]

I know of others who are on disability. I am not going to say any names though. I also am working on getting aid.

[Katezorz]

I was supposed to go to college before I got this thing . I'm 20 and I've never been to college, all because of dp/dr/anxiety. But I did recently get a job. Haven't started yet, but I'm going to push through it and see how I do.

You're not alone, though. A lot of people can't function.

[hopingirl]

Tepsu, on 07 February 2010 - 12:30 PM, said:

You're not alone. I had to quit my studies over 3 years ago and been at home since (on sick leave). I hate this but what can you do (when feel like all is done and tried...) I have severe cabin fever since I can so rarely go anywhere, very frustrating.

Try to hold on to the remains of my mental health by focusing on tv, handicrafts, my dogs etc.

Right now feeling extremely depressed and anxious.

hey guys

I knoe what I am going to say is going to piss you off, but going on disability is the worse thing you can do. You have all day and night to think of your DP the litle bit of fonction you had slowly turns in to nothing you might not even live the house anymore because you prefer the comfurt of being safe in the house .I know its not esea, actually its hard as hell but you must find some work or volunter some where any where to regan some independants and get your mind off of things, ex I work in a hospital where I take care of really sick people, now seing them so sick and me making them feel better some how gives me the hope that the same will happen to me and you also see that we could br alot worst off

[DiscoStick]

No.
I'm insanely stubborn.
So I go to school when my timetable wants me there.

Yes, I hide out in the toilet cubicles in break times. Yes, I have no friends. Yes, it's hard to concentrate. And yes, I dread leaving the house to go to school each morning.
It is hell on Earth and I do absolutely hate it. But I'm intelligent enough to get through school. And why should I suffer on my own hidden away when I can suffer and proceed with my life at the same time? I'm not going to let this ruin my future. Even if it means more suffering now.

Oh, and the limited social communication and change of scenery stops me going completely insane. And I figure there's a increased chance of getting one of these friend things when I'm around people than when I'm not, even if my chances are ridiculously slim due to my condition.

[Dreamer*]

There are a good number on disability, and they don't have just DP/DR, but I will also not mention any names. There are also a good number who work PT, go to school, volunteer (such as myself) and keep active in other ways. Some have families, have children to care for. As usual, don't make a judgement until you have been in someone else's shoes.

I have been eligible for disability for years, but I have too high an income (married). You must spend down your assets or be below a certain income level to receive a pittance -- and who would really choose to do that?

I have said this 500 times. I had this since I can recall, as well as depression and anxiety -- since a child. I still graduated from a prep school where I was heavily involved in the arts. I am a musician, was recognized for my acting and singing. I have a B.A. and an M.A. and enought credits at UCLA to make me an alumni -- being a student has been a salvation. I worked in L.A. at Fox Studios, interned at PBS, etc. I fought like a maniac to keep going until I was near 30. That's 30 years of fighting and thinking I was the only person in the world with this mess.

I also had no love or support from my parents. Not much family.

I continued to take courses at UCLA, I still worked at different jobs, in the end PT. And yes, I spent a lot of time in feeling so bad I couldn't see what I was doing, but I was never fired from a job. I would come in for no pay on weekends to "keep ahead".

All that being said, I am now a volunteer advocate. I have my symptoms all the time, have not felt reality in about 20 years. I'm tired. I'm 51. I wish I had a career, children, a happy marriage. But I have not given up.

I have been recently called to jury duty. I have a medical excuse as, OK, I get so DP/DR in such situations I cannot concentrate, and also have IBS from anxiety. Let's be frank. And years ago I was able, under tremendous duress to serve on a jury. I wanted to die as I wanted to be sure I was being a good juror.

Judge no one until you walk a mile in his/her shoes.

I feel great satisfaction from my volunteer work. Each person has different coping mechanisms, different severity, etc. I agree that staying active is CRITICAL. I do that as much as I can.

I was terrified a few months ago when I got a wave of DP/DR so bad in my car that I was afraid I would get in an accident. I could NOT FIND MY WAY to my apartment. I had to try to figure from memory -- buildings, etc. -- to get to a parking lot. I had no panic attack. One usual event made the DP/DR come over me so badly I shouldn't have been driving. The lights had no meaning, so I had to follow the cars ahead of me saying "Red means stop, red means stop, hit brake, get safe."

I ask you to work, socialize, etc., under that type of situation, with no relief. I am really tired. And yet I got a lot accomplished today. What one measures as accomplishment should not be judged by anyone else unless it is hurting you or others. We all do the best we can.

I also don't come here as often anymore. And I was sick before this board ever existed. Before the internet.

Keep hanging in -- no matter what you have to do -- to survive.
And I am thrilled for those who are doing well.
Some of us aren't.
I don't understand judgement and criticism.
End of rant.
D

[Anla]

When I no longer had a job and was having no success getting a job, and was also very anxious/depressed, I went for disability. I was told to Forget It. So I ended up at the Dept of Rehab Services for assessment and assistance. While they were helping, I finally got a part time job, so they helped me do that job. Finally, I got another full time job. I have just kept on going, since I had no choice. I did finally have to, and was able to, under the family and medical leave act, take a 4 month break. But, we all do the best we can do, and what we need to do. Best wishes to everyone!

[Floating Tears]

I've been on incapacity benefit for around 7 years now. If you want any support getting onto yourselves... send me a pm.

[medo]

Some people have to be on disability. Those people should have to work with their doctor/therapist and eventually regain their ability to function.

Some people (like myself) are stuck somewhere between disability and pushing themselves to work. I chose to work but it was hard. Having to go to work every morning, working for 8 plus hours etc was unbearable. So I opened my own business. I was making good money, was my own boss and felt great.

But since I got divorced I put my company on hold (closed it temporary) and now again work some job I really hate. But I plan in several month continue to work for myself because, besides money, it makes me feel good because I have no boss, pretty much set my own hours and that helps me psychologically. Besides dp/dr I have PTSD, GAD, depression, OCD and some other unidentified symptoms. Job is the hardest thing for me and self employment is the way out, but for now I am again an employee because I need money to restart the business.

Its just how I "fight" through with this illness. But I know some people at certain times can't work at all. 10 years ago I wasn't.

[Tepsu]

"going on disability is the worse thing you can do"

OMG. How many people do this if they really have a choice? For me fighting and struggling with my studies for many years only made me worse. I feel like it wasn't a choice that I made when I left school: I really did not have any other choice, and in fact, I should have done it much earlier.

Since I left school, I have tried distance studying at open university, tried delivering adds to neighbourhood, tried to participate in Club House (a place for people with mental illness), tried different kinds of voluntary work etc. But I'm just too sick for all these things. I would give away lots if I could do something, anything.

Now I remember why I havent been on this forum lately. Trying to discuss with people, and always some "iknowwhatyouregoingtrough" gives me those "great advices" on how to get better. And someone writes "you have to learn to enjoy your dp/dr" on the forum. If I was even slightly better, I think I could just ignore these kind of comments but right now can't so its goodbye.

[S O L A R I S]

Tepsu!

I understand what you are going through! Please dont leave us for good! Yes, this DP shit is a hell hole, but you should be proud of yourself! You are the only one who can decide what is best for you, and you are doing exactly that, which is great. Keep in mind that you are stronger than the average individual, so you and everyone else in this forum deserves an applaud.

Hopefully one day all of us can gather the strength to live "normal" lives. We all struggle at different rates, some of us have had this for long, some of us have just got it, some of us are young, some of us are older, regardless however, it affects each one of us differently. There is no comparison with what you are going through, so we respect your decision and support you in whatever you decide to do.

We will find a cure, my gut tells me its sooner than later. Take care of yourself

Tepsu, on 08 February 2010 - 02:22 AM, said:

"going on disability is the worse thing you can do"

OMG. How many people do this if they really have a choice? For me fighting and struggling with my studies for many years only made me worse. I feel like it wasn't a choice that I made when I left school: I really did not have any other choice, and in fact, I should have done it much earlier.

Since I left school, I have tried distance studying at open university, tried delivering adds to neighbourhood, tried to participate in Club House (a place for people with mental illness), tried different kinds of voluntary work etc. But I'm just too sick for all these things. I would give away lots if I could do something, anything.

Now I remember why I havent been on this forum lately. Trying to discuss with people, and always some "iknowwhatyouregoingtrough" gives me those "great advices" on how to get better. And someone writes "you have to learn to enjoy your dp/dr" on the forum. If I was even slightly better, I think I could just ignore these kind of comments but right now can't so its goodbye.

[FoXS]

ohh, it's sooo sad that some of you are that disabled!

[Dreamer*]

FoXS, on 08 February 2010 - 03:22 PM, said:

ohh, it's sooo sad that some of you are that disabled!

FoXS -- I am assuming this is disdain ... or .... well, that disability is a cop out. Would you say that disability is a cop out if someone is incapacitated in an automobile accident and couldn't think properly? Is disability a cop out when someone loses his/her job to cancer and maxes out their private health insurance.

As Elyn Saks, Ph.D. WITH schizophrenia under control (with medication and therapy) -- which she KNOWS is a medical illness -- she has been hospitalized for a "physical" illness, and was an inpatient in a psychiatric facility. When she was "physically ill" individuals visited, sent cards, and flowers. In the psychiatric facility -- nothing. Only her very best friends who loved her visited.

What exactly are you saying. I KNOW, I am CONVINCED this is a neurological/medical disorder. I would also give away everything I own to have a regular life like anyone else's. I'd give my right arm to have ANY 9-5 job. I do other things to keep active and socialize.

And I will say this again ... people here with DP/DR generally have more than just that going on. They have severe anxiety, OCD, bipolar, clinical depression, some here have schizophrenia, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc. Some function better than others.

Why would ANYONE care if another person goes on disability (unless of course they're doing it to 'cheat the system.') My cousin has bipolar/schizoaffective and is pushing 40. He gets $800 a month from disability. He has to fight for 12 months of meds a year, they only give him 6 months. He lives with his Mom. He will never be married or have children. I have seen him in tears over this. He is a mechanic. He has found a private group who lets him work under the table, but he will never be self-supporting. I shudder to think what happens when his mother dies as his father "doesn't believe there is anything wrong with him." No, of course not, he's only spent a total of about 4 months in the hospital over a span of 20 years.

Why would it matter to ANYONE here if someone chooses to go on disability? WHY? Why does it bother someone who ISN'T on disability and is working full time (and that is fantastic) be upset that there are others here on disability. I simply don't understand your reasoning.

And don't have "pity, or sympathy" -- what happened to EMPATHY. Placing yourself in the position of another human being. The world does not revolve around any one of us.

WOW. I don't understand. "OOOooo, it's so sad you're disabled." WT?

[dancingwobbler]

Ive been in limbo for 2 years now. Thankfully my parents are great, if i didnt have them Id be out on the streets. before i was at uni loving life, couldnt wait to progress, get a job and start my life. Everyday is a struggle now, but I have A therapist im seeing in March so hopefully I can get back on track. I dont think Il ever be able to read again like I used too, and thinking about how much I miss studying makes me feel terrible. but i simply cannot function like I used too, I hate it more than anything but there's no point pretending. I tried too continue at uni and it made me worse. I think a terrible part of mental illness is that people dont know what its like. Before I got this i couldnt even imagine human beings suffered like this, its fucked up. being on disability, especially with something as misunderstood as dp, would be tough I should imagine. I always find that in England, Dr's want to put you into categories they understand. I have been unable to explain it too them but im sure if they could experience one day of it disability would seem like the correct term. Its fucked up my studying, training, driving and body (I feel exhausted all the time, get really weird zaps in head, no appetteite and I look like a zombie now adays). And if somebody tells me its all just because im thinking too much one more time il slap them.

[S O L A R I S]

"And if somebody tells me its all just because im thinking too much one more time il slap them. "

I second that.

I have come to the realization that people, even family and those most closest to you, have the tendency to judge and stigmatize you. People like to believe that they are "stronger" and "superior" than one another. They might not conciously be aware of what they are doing, its an automated response.

People also want to "get rid of the guilt associated of being helpless to help someone", so they protect themselves and blame it on the other person. its counterproductive.

[FoXS]

Dreamer*, on 09 February 2010 - 04:49 AM, said:

FoXS -- I am assuming this is disdain ...

what?? nooooo, by no means at all!!! you understood me completely wrong. i would never contemn you and other disabled people! i mean this really honestly. you can ask others here, i am a very empathic person. all the desperate entries in this board bring tears into my eyes.

because i guess it must be a horrible intense state of DR or DP if one gets even disabled by the State. i find it very scary. and this is why I am truly deeply sorry for you. I know that my condition can not be so intense as yours because i can still drive, talk and work. i wish you could do this, too. it makes me angry that i can not help you.

i indulge you the money from the health insurer, even more, i think it's really good that they support you with money so you can live in a normal way. i am neither begrudging nor jealous to the financial support, no - i wish that you don't have to take these fees forever. i wish that you recover and get self-confident, self-aware, active and happy again. but if it's not possible yet, i am happy for you that you can live contently.

[Dreamer*]

FoXS, on 09 February 2010 - 10:48 AM, said:

what?? nooooo, by no means at all!!! you understood me completely wrong. i would never contemn you and other disabled people! i mean this really honestly. you can ask others here, i am a very empathic person. all the desperate entries in this board bring tears into my eyes.

because i guess it must be a horrible intense state of DR or DP if one gets even disabled by the State. i find it very scary. and this is why I am truly deeply sorry for you. I know that my condition can not be so intense as yours because i can still drive, talk and work. i wish you could do this, too. it makes me angry that i can not help you.

i indulge you the money from the health insurer, even more, i think it's really good that they support you with money so you can live in a normal way. i am neither begrudging nor jealous to the financial support, no - i wish that you don't have to take these fees forever. i wish that you recover and get self-confident, self-aware, active and happy again. but if it's not possible yet, i am happy for you that you can live contently.

FOX, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to jump down your throat. I misunderstood what you were saying. It's the problem with the internet. Forgive me. I see what you're saying ... YOU are expressing empathy, which I so greatly appreciated .. for everyone here. As I said I am eligible for disability but am married and have too much money to qualify here in the US unless all was spent down. No one wants that. And it is different in other countries too.

Please forgive me.

Take Care,
D