Can't feel inside my body at all
Posted 24 April 2007 - 09:26 AM
i don't feel inside my body at all. my hands, when i rub them together, it's like i'm rubbing them together, but it's not me...it's not my hands or my skin. i don't feel like there's any physical barrier between my physical person and the outside world. it's like i'm air. i'm weightless, and my eyes are open, it's just like i'm not looking through them. i don't even feel like a human being. when i say "my name is Taylor" i don't make the connection mentally that that's who I am. the words that come out of my mouth are just words and i feel are only being said for the benefit of others who might want to know how i FEEL. I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING!!!!!!!! and all i really am is a bunch of mind-chatter. it's always verbal, either viloent towards myself or intellectual or in a daydream about life without this DP, but never connected with what i'm doing. it'll tell me where to put things or where to go. i have no emotion. while the mind chatter is going on (even when someone else is around me) i'll just wear a thousand-yard stare and a straight face and say nothing, but have incredible anxiety the whole time over what my mind is saying behind its invisible barrier and be scared that i can't snap out of this shit!!!!!!!
so i have been trying to concentrate on comfort and safety lately. i have had DP for 20 years (but didn't know what it was until lately). i'm turning 23 today and will finally be seeing a psychiatrist about the problem. My question would be, how do I get rid of this crap! it's like i can't just be a human animal for five seconds to realize that I AM I. have drugs (legal or illegal) helped anyone to relax? i've found that marijuana can make my symptoms worse, but if i am calm, it feels like i might actually break through this thing.
let me know what works for you and if what i am going through is actually DP and not PTSD or something.
Posted 24 April 2007 - 10:55 AM
Posted 24 April 2007 - 02:27 PM
The first med that helped me with this was Klonopin/clonazepam.
I haven't had a really bad episode like this in ... over a year? But I am 48. I dream in DP/DR and have bad episodes in my dreams more often. These are slowly getting better.
My meds I recommend are Klonopin, Lamictal, Neurontin. I have serious anxiety as well. I really have GAD and the DP/DR seems to stem from that. That's where the negative thoughts come from as well... the GAD.
I have improved with time/therapy/meds/CBT/pushing my mind away from negative thoughts as much as possible.
Personally I don't recommend rec drugs, however I've never taken them, so I have no informed comment on them.
Posted 25 April 2007 - 09:57 AM
it always seems like its my mind that's trying to keep me away from feeling my body. i feel like i'm constantly fighting it and the fighting it makes it worse. the only thing that makes sense in this case is to try my best to ignore whatever my mind is chattering about in order to better concentrate on what my body is doing, although this seems almost impossible.
i'm still exercising, running and weightlifting, despite all of this in hopes that i can at least remain in good health until all this blows over...and it will. it's just hard to be patient and work at something that IN THE MIND seems almost futile.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, PEOPLE. this shit sucks, but it is a natural defense mechanism, so we should at least give it its due!!!!!!!
Posted 26 April 2007 - 12:21 PM
Posted 03 May 2007 - 12:31 PM
I just got a scrip for Klonopin and am starting out at .25MG a day. I haven't taken one yet, but I may try it tonight to see how I fare. I was originally taking Lexapro, but I'm about to go on a two-week trip to visit my family, and I didn't want to have to deal with side effects while I was home, so I'm postponing the Lexapro until I get back. After a week on Lexapro at 2.5MG, my DP seemed WORSE. I was clenching my jaw all the time, and my head felt like it was full of electricity. I also had the sensation of bobbing around in the ocean - my body felt very swimmy. Not sure if it's side effects or not, but it was pretty uncomfortable.
Has anyone had any luck with homeopathy? I found this article:
http://www.hahnemann... ... onship.htm
It seems like homeopathy might really help, since it's working with the root of the problem and seems to complement psychotherapy well. I've heard some homeopathic remedies can be really rough in the beginning, but can really help stabilize you after a while.
Right now the two things that are helping me stay grounded are mindfulness meditation and a hot bath every night. The meditation really works. I do it for about 20 minutes twice a day, once in the morning and once at night. You basically just sit on a pillow with your eyes closed and follow your breathing. The attention to breathing helps you stay grounded and keeps your mind from wandering off...
Anyway, just a few thoughts.
Posted 03 May 2007 - 12:33 PM
It will get better!
Posted 03 May 2007 - 02:16 PM
I thought it was a bunch of nonsense but after trying it a couple of times you get feeling of gravity, or resistance, again; it helps to eliminate that sensation as if everything you do is on auto pilot.
Posted 03 May 2007 - 02:18 PM
So I've been trying to do stuff that'll make me feel more substantial and contained but I'm now living with a sort of dual awareness: that of my gross physical life and that of subtle sensations in my body. It's weird, I have to admit it.
Posted 03 May 2007 - 02:50 PM
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